LISTEN TO THE REIMAGINING LOVE PODCAST WITH DR. ALEXANDRA SOLOMONA conversation about the relationships that matter most
Reimagining Love with Dr. Alexandra Solomon is your destination for profound, enlightening discussions about love, family, intimacy, and everything in between. A podcast that gives us the opportunity to reimagine ourselves, our relationships, and our world. Hosted by renowned clinical psychologist, professor, and author Dr. Alexandra Solomon featuring conversations with listeners as well as notable guests.
Listen to Reimagining Love
“My Family is a Mess. Will The Dynamic Ever Change?”
When there’s a struggling person in a family, the system often coalesces around that individual, and while we might imagine these patterns get left behind when kids grow into adults, the dynamic often endures for the long run. Reimagining Love listener Cristina wrote in to Dr. Alexandra from Chicago, asking about how to better handle the challenges of such a situation. She’s the only one in her family who is in therapy, and she is eager to disrupt the dynamic. Cristina wants to stay connected to her sisters, despite the challenges they’ve faced, and her hope is to break longstanding patterns of over-accommodation and resentment while honoring her own needs as well as other family members’. Dr. Alexandra dives into this question with the goal of exploring an empowering therapeutic truth: that when you change your own dance moves, you can transform the entire system. If you’re dealing with something similar, this episode is going to offer you ways forward you may not have experimented yet, that could have the potential to change everything. If you’d like to submit a listener question of your own, you can do so by following the link below.
"Your Anxiety Toolkit" on MasterClass: www.masterclass.com/youranxietytoolkit
Order Dr. Alexandra’s book, Love Every Day
Should You Share Your Location With Your Partner?
In the age of modern technology, we have more information about each other than ever before. Sharing locations with our loved ones can make life more convenient, and while at first glance it may seem like a small decision, the choice to share or not to share actually encapsulates so many of the values and tensions that couples face—questions of closeness and privacy, trust and betrayal, safety and mystery. And if you’ve ever had tense conversations around sharing your location using apps like Find My Friends, Life360, or Snap Maps, Dr. Alexandra is going to help you understand why this topic carries more weight than we might realize, and how to navigate through it and make decisions about location-sharing with your partner.
"Your Anxiety Toolkit" on MasterClass: www.masterclass.com/youranxietytoolkit
Technology Safety & Privacy: A Toolkit for Survivors: Safety Net Project
Order Dr. Alexandra’s book, Love Every Day
Wisdom From a Happiness Expert: Simple Truths For a Better Life with Gretchen Rubin
The work of building a life we love is deep and longterm. But along the way, there are small and simple gems of wisdom that can pack a big punch and lead us to “aha” moments. Renowned happiness expert Gretchen Rubin’s new book, Secrets of Adulthood: Simple Truths for Our Complex Lives, is full of aphorisms that present those kinds of helpful, concise ideas. Gretchen is known for her ability to convey complex ideas—from science to literature to stories from her own life—with levity and clarity. She’s the author of many bestselling books, such as The Happiness Project, Better Than Before, The Four Tendencies, and Life in Five Senses. She’s also host of the popular podcast Happier with Gretchen Rubin, which helps people track their happiness-boosting habits. She and Dr. Alexandra kick off this conversation by discussing Gretchen’s reframe of “the empty nest” phase to “the open door” phase. Next, they use aphorisms from Gretchen’s book to explore themes like the tension between self-acceptance and wanting to grow, and balancing duty and desire in our relationships. Aphorisms can be wonderful conversation-openers, and this episode may even inspire you to write some of your own!
"Your Anxiety Toolkit" on MasterClass: www.masterclass.com/youranxietytoolkit
Secrets of Adulthood: Simple Truths for Our Complex Lives by Gretchen Rubin
Abandon the Empty Nest. Instead, Try the Open Door by Gretchen Rubin (The Atlantic)
Gretchen’s podcast, Happier with Gretchen Rubin
Gretchen’s website
Order Dr. Alexandra’s book, Love Every Day
Crushes, First Love, and Heartbreak: Supporting Teens Through Relationship Milestones with Lisa A. Phillips
Parents of adolescents can feel like they’re in a tough spot: they get so much pushback and can lose their confidence when it comes to talking about the topics that really matter such as romance and love. Additionally, many parents don’t feel up to the task of talking with their teens about this subject—often because they’re still making sense of their own relationship journeys. In her new book, First Love: Guiding Teens through Relationships and Heartbreak, journalist, author, and professor Lisa A. Phillips reminds us that all adults are really still recovering from being teenagers, and that they bring their own experiences and ideas of first love into conversations with their kids. In this episode, Dr. Alexandra chats with Lisa about how our society has a tendency to demean and devalue fist love, the fact that most adolescents wish their parents spoke with them about relationships, and why a crush really is a milestone, too. They also explore how parents bring their own experiences and biases to these conversations, and often let their own fears and hang-ups stop them from having this important dialog in the first place.
"Your Anxiety Toolkit" on MasterClass: www.masterclass.com/youranxietytoolkit
First Love: Guiding Teens Through Relationships and Heartbreak by Lisa A. Phillips
From WAMU’s 1A: How to talk our teens through their first heartbreaks, featuring Lisa A. Phillips, Alexandra Solomon, and Lauren Hamilton, hosted by Jenn White.
Lisa’s website
Order Dr. Alexandra’s book, Love Every Day
How to Unbreak Your Heart: The Healing Power of Creativity with Hallie Bateman & Suzy Hopkins
Breakups are heart-wrenching at any age, but when a partner leaves suddenly after three decades of marriage, it takes a lot of time to pick up the pieces. When Suzy Hopkins had this experience, she decided to team up with her illustrator daughter Hallie Bateman to channel her pain into a creative project, and their book, What To Do When You Get Dumped: A Guide to Unbreaking Your Heart, came to life. Suzy had a rich career in journalism including founding her own magazine, and Hallie is a writer and illustrator whose work has appeared in places like the New Yorker and the New York Times Magazine. This is the second book Hallie and Suzy have made together, and on today’s episode, they’re giving us an inside look at what creating this illustrated guide entailed and how healing the creative process was for both of them. Dr. Alexandra chats with them about some of the most painful aspects of breakups, and they explore the incredible renewal that can occur in the wake of loss, when we are able to accept support from those we love and summon the courage to reimagine our lives.
Relevant links:
"Your Anxiety Toolkit" on MasterClass: www.masterclass.com/youranxietytoolkit
What to Do When You Get Dumped by Suzy Hopkins & Hallie Bateman
Hallie’s website
Order Dr. Alexandra’s book, Love Every Day
Your Mindset Changes Everything: The Power of Practical Optimism with Dr. Sue Varma
Today’s guest, psychiatrist and author Dr. Sue Varma, says that optimists may be born, but “practical optimists” are made. Not all optimism is good, and not all pessimism is bad. BUT when we become mired in negativity, Dr. Sue says, we become paralyzed and passive. So what’s the fix? In her book, Practical Optimism, and in this episode, she makes a compelling case for why we all need more optimism in our lives and tells us how we can cultivate it right now. Dr. Alexandra chats with Dr. Sue about the role self-compassion plays in this journey, and how finding your soul’s purpose can help you remain in an optimistic zone for decades to come. They also discuss how partners can explore their unique strengths in this area as a team.
Relevant links:
"Your Anxiety Toolkit" on MasterClass: www.masterclass.com/youranxietytoolkit
Practical Optimism The Art, Science, and Practice of Exceptional Well-Being by Dr. Sue Varma
Dr. Sue’s website
Order Dr. Alexandra’s book, Love Every Day
Finding Abundance: The Expansion That Lives Within with Cathy Heller
“So often we look outside ourselves for the expansion that lives within,” says today’s guest Cathy Heller, a coach, spiritual guide, meditation teacher, and inspirational speaker. Many of us hang our worth and happiness on things we don’t have yet: the dream job, the perfect relationship, the fancy clothes. But in Cathy’s book Abundant Ever After, as well as in this episode, she tells us that we can have the ease, connection, and joy we so desperately crave, just as we are now. And when we can learn to do that, we become ready to receive abundance. Cathy and Dr. Alexandra discuss the Law of Reception and our capacity for welcoming goodness in, in the same way a radio dial tunes into different channels. Cathy also kicks off the episode by leading listeners through a nourishing mediation, which you can return to at any tim
Relevant links:
"Your Anxiety Toolkit" on MasterClass: www.masterclass.com/youranxietytoolkit
Abundant Ever After: Tools for Creating a Life of Prosperity and Ease by Cathy Heller
Cathy’s Instagram @cathy.heller
Cathy’s website
Order Dr. Alexandra’s book, Love Every Day
Can You Have an Amazing Career AND an Amazing Relationship?
Few topics are more relevant to our day-to-day lives than work. For many of us, our jobs are more than just occupations—they’re where we achieve goals, make meaning, experience successes and failures, and cultivate our self-esteem. So, when work and love collide, we find ourselves at a rich intersection of emotions, expectations, and needs. In this episode, Dr. Alexandra uncovers why fighting with your partner about work is never just that, and shares tools you can use to cultivate intimacy and ambition simultaneously. You’ll learn about what Dr. Alexandra calls “the Work-Love Matrix,” understand the connections between your experience in the workplace and your experience growing up in your Family-of-Origin, and hear a five-step practice you can use today to have more supportive conversations about work with your partner.
Relevant links:
Further Listening: Is Work Stress Taking a Toll on Your Relationship? (Reimagining Love)
Order Dr. Alexandra’s book, Love Every Day
Is There an “Effort Mismatch” in Your Relationship?
When two partners have a major difference between them, it can kick up a lot of dust in a relationship. One of the most common is what Dr. Alexandra calls “The Effort Mismatch”: while one partner tends to scan the relationship for problems and is always on the lookout for growth opportunities (The Change Partner), the other partner holds steady, generally accepting the relationship for what it is today (The Acceptance Partner). The good news is, when both partners understand and value their differences, this contrast between them can be a huge asset to their relationship. However, most couples with an Effort Mismatch struggle to reckon with this discrepancy, digging their heels into their side of the dynamic or wishing their partner would magically change. In this episode, Dr. Alexandra explores the internal and relational experience of each of these two types of partners, shares tailored reminders and guidance for each of them, and explains how this difference can actually be extremely complementary, even as it poses challenges for a couple.
Relevant links:
Order Dr. Alexandra’s book, Love Every Day
How to Love Better: Cultivating Growth, Kindness, and Compassion with Yung Pueblo
You likely know today’s guest, Diego Perez, by his pen name: Yung Pueblo. He has an online audience of over 4 million people and is a New York Times bestselling author, whose books have been translated into over 25 languages. Diego’s work focuses on the power of self-healing, creating healthy relationships, and cultivating self-awareness, and his meditation practice is central to all that he shares with the world. He and Dr. Alexandra discuss all of that in this conversation, as they dig into the lessons and reflections he’s woven together in his new book, How to Love Better: The Path to Deeper Connection Through Growth, Kindness, and Compassion. They dive into what it means to argue and disagree peacefully with a partner, the power of meditation, and why it’s important to work with the universe, not against it. Diego also opens up about his own love story with his wife, Sarah. They wrap things up by exploring a question together from a listener in Chicago who is feeling doubts in her relationship and isn’t sure about the way forward.
Relevant links:
How to Love Better: The Path to Deeper Connection Through Growth, Kindness, and Compassion by Yung Pueblo
Diego’s Instagram @yung_pueblo
Diego’s website
Order Dr. Alexandra’s book, Love Every Day
Stop, Breathe, Be: Transformative Resets to Curb Stress with Dr. Aditi Nerurkar
Are you stressed? According to physician and stress expert Dr. Aditi Nerurkar’s research, the answer is most likely “YES.” Whether it’s due to pressure at work, the unrelenting deluge of news, care responsibilities, or relationship challenges (or all of the above!), it’s understandable that most of us feel overwhelmed. But when old coping strategies aren’t working anymore and life feels unmanageable, it takes a toll on our brains, bodies and longevity.
Dr. Aditi joins Dr. Alexandra on today’s episode for a transformative conversation, centered on her bestselling book “The Five Resets: Rewire Your Brain and Body For Less Stress and More Resilience.” Dr. Aditi is a Harvard stress expert, medical doctor, and researcher who is committed to offering actionable, practical, and science-backed approaches to reimagining your relationship with everyday stress and burnout. They discuss the solutions she shares in her book, which will empower you to develop the right kind of resilience, the kind that will allow you to move through challenges with patience and stability. And Dr. Aditi also shares her three second brain reset, “Stop, Breathe, Be” for listeners to try out.
Relevant links:
The 5 Resets: Rewire Your Brain and Body for Less Stress and More Resilience by Dr. Aditi Nerurkar
Dr. Aditi’s website
Order Dr. Alexandra’s book, Love Every Day
How to Know When It’s Right: The Conversations that Unlock Connection with Lindsay Jill Roth
Many of us have cultivated confidence in our careers, our family life, and our friendships, but when it comes to dating, we feel lost at sea. This was the case for acclaimed TV and live events producer Lindsay Jill Roth, who found herself asking what she knew were the wrong questions in dating (What does he want me to say? How can I make this person like me?). So, she set out to create a tool for herself that she’s now sharing with the world. In her new book, Romances & Practicalities, Lindsay offers a roadmap for how to understand your wants and needs better and truly communicate and connect with the person you’re dating, through 250 research-backed questions spread across twelve categories—from money to children to chores to sex. These questions help folks develop deeper intimacy and open up about what they’re looking for in an intimate partnership. In her conversation with Dr. Alexandra, you’ll hear about Lindsay’s budding romance with her now husband, the couples she spoke with who have used this system, and the wisdom and practical guidance she’s garnered from the clinical experts she interviewed for the book—including Dr. Alexandra! Lindsay urges listeners to view expansive and thoughtful dialog as something sexy, not just vital, as they get to know someone that they think might be their person. Lindsay and Dr. Alexandra also address a thoughtful listener question at the end of the episode, about dating across socio-economic class.
Relevant links:
Romances & Practicalities: A Love Story (Maybe Yours!) in 250 Questions by Lindsay Jill Roth
Lindsay’s website
Order Dr. Alexandra’s book, Love Every Day
From Disconnected to Passionate: How to Get Out of a Sexual Rut with Dr. Kate Balestrieri
Conversations about sex are so important, but approaching the topic with a partner can feel overwhelming. When we come up against sexual challenges in our relationships, it can be easy to fall into patterns of blame and shame. Listening to this episode is a great first step as you find your voice and reclaim your power in your sex life. You’ll hear from psychologist and sex therapist Dr. Kate Balestrieri, who joins Dr. Alexandra for a conversation about sexuality and her new book, What Happened to My Sex Life? They explore the importance of creating shared agreements and visions with your partner when it comes to sex, how to navigate retroactive jealousy, and the role safety plays in our sexual connections. They also respond to a listener question about how someone’s sexual history can impact their current relationship dynamic.
Relevant links:
Dr. Kate’s book: What Happened to My Sex Life? A Sex Therapist's Guide to Reclaiming Lost Desire, Connection, and Pleasure
Dr. Kate’s Instagram: @drkatebalestrieri
Dr. Kate’s website: Modern Intimacy
Get Naked with Dr. Kate (podcast)
Order Dr. Alexandra’s book, Love Every Day
Family of Origin Roles Series: The Rebel (From Critical to Curious)
Today’s episode is part of a solo series on Reimagining Love about Family of Origin Roles (a.k.a. FOO roles). Tune in on the first two Tuesdays of each month to learn about how the roles we were cast into as children and held within our family systems shape how we show up in our relationships today. Whether you were the one who held the family together, the rebel who pushed back against household norms, or the “easy” kid who flew under the radar, we all inhabited a position in the community of our family and absorbed certain messages about love, connection, and worthiness as a result. Check out the introductory episode of the series if you missed it! All previous role-specific episodes are also linked here: The Perfect One (From Performance to Presence), The Easy One (From Accommodation to Authenticity), The Struggling One (From Scapegoat to Self-Advocate), The Peacemaker (From Referee to Realist).
We’re taking a look at “The Rebel” role in today’s episode. Some family systems are well-equipped to handle disagreement, debate, and resistance. But when a family is under pressure in any way, a child who questions or challenges the system is going to be seen as a threat. While the Rebel may cling to their strong opinions and double down on their critical stance, feelings of fear, isolation, and anxiety may occur and continue into adulthood, especially around conformity and authority. Does this sound like you, or someone you love? Listen to the episode to learn more about this role and how The Rebel can break free from old stories that their only path to safety was to push back and choose the path of opposition.
Relevant links:
Get the FREE Family of Origin Roles Workbook: Reclaiming You
Reimagining Love episode: “People-Pleasing vs. Brutal Honesty: When & How to Share Feedback with Your Partner”
Reimagining Love episode: “When Having ‘No Filter’ Hurts a Relationship”
Past episodes of the Family of Origin Roles Series: Introductory Episode, The Perfect One (From Performance to Presence), The Easy One (From Accommodation to Authenticity), The Struggling One (From Scapegoat to Self-Advocate), The Peacemaker (From Referee to Realist)
Take the Family of Origin Roles Quiz
Reimagining Love: “Tending to ‘Little You’ & Exploring Your Family of Origin”
Order Dr. Alexandra’s book, Love Every Day
Family of Origin Roles Series: The Parentified Child (From Confidant to Consultant)
Today’s episode is part of a solo series on Reimagining Love about Family of Origin Roles (a.k.a. FOO roles). Tune in on the first two Tuesdays of each month to learn about how the roles we were cast into as children and held within our family systems shape how we show up in our relationships today. Whether you were the one who held the family together, the rebel who pushed back against household norms, or the “easy” kid who flew under the radar, we all inhabited a position in the community of our family and absorbed certain messages about love, connection, and worthiness as a result. Check out the introductory episode of the series if you missed it! All previous role-specific episodes are also linked here: The Perfect One (From Performance to Presence), The Easy One (From Accommodation to Authenticity), The Struggling One (From Scapegoat to Self-Advocate), The Peacemaker (From Referee to Realist).
We’re taking a look at “The Parentified Child” role in today’s episode. The child cast into this role likely heard that they were “so mature,” “wise beyond their years,” or were praised for their comforting presence when they were growing up. The problem? Kids shouldn’t have to provide emotional support to the adults in their family. Unfortunately for the Parentified Child, this felt like the surest route to safety and love, perhaps due to a chaotic environment, overwhelmed parents, or conflict in the family system. As an adult, the Parentified Child carries with them a certain set of beliefs and tendencies that they picked up as a kid in this role. Does this sound like you, or someone you love? Listen to the episode to learn more about this role and how The Parentified Child can free themselves from always taking on others’ needs and create more egalitarian relationships that feel safe and nourishing.
Relevant links:
Get the FREE Family of Origin Roles Workbook: Reclaiming You
Reimagining Love episode with Dr. Hillary McBride: Getting Present: Tuning Into Your Body with Dr. Hillary McBride
Reimagining Love series: “I Love My Partner, But Their Family is Toxic”: Part 1, Part 2
Girlhood Interrupted: The Erasure of Black Girls' Childhood (Rebecca Epstein, Jamilia J. Blake, Thalia González, from the Center on Poverty and Inequality, Georgetown Law)
Past episodes of the Family of Origin Roles Series: Introductory Episode, The Perfect One (From Performance to Presence), The Easy One (From Accommodation to Authenticity), The Struggling One (From Scapegoat to Self-Advocate), The Peacemaker (From Referee to Realist)
Take the Family of Origin Roles Quiz
Reimagining Love: “Tending to ‘Little You’ & Exploring Your Family of Origin”
Order Dr. Alexandra’s book, Love Every Day
Exploring Attachment: Transform Your Relationship Patterns with Thais Gibson
On today’s episode, we’re diving deep into the topic of attachment with guest Thais Gibson, an author, counselor, and the co-founder of The Personal Development School. While the discourse around attachment so often focuses on identifying what’s “wrong” with us, in this conversation, Dr. Alexandra and Thais explore how understanding and investigating our attachment style can create fertile ground for us to change the way we show up in relationships and break frustrating patterns. Our attachment style is not our destiny, and when we begin to understand the roots of this subconscious programming, we have the opportunity to reprogram ourselves for better and more fulfilling relationships. This episode will give you the tools and insights to start down that path and think more expansively about attachment.
Thais’s Instagram, The Personal Development School
Order Dr. Alexandra’s book, Love Every Day
Your Best Relationship Begins with You: Nine Truths About Love & Self-Acceptance with Jillian Turecki
Today’s guest is Jillian Turecki, a certified relationship coach, teacher, author of the new book It Begins With You: The 9 Hard Truths About Love That Will Change Your Life, and host of the podcast, Jillian On Love. You’ve likely seen her wise and straightforward videos that get right to the heart of our most pressing dating and relationship questions. She’s helped thousands through her teachings, courses, writing, and her popular social media accounts to revolutionize their relationship with themselves so that they can transform their romantic relationships.
One of the central tenets of Jillian’s work is the idea that the common denominator in all your relationships is you. A lot of us know in our bones that creating safety inside ourselves is the key to healthy relationships with others—but we don’t always know how to do this or where to start. Jillian and Dr. Alexandra also discuss estrangement and navigating complex relationships with family members. Tune in to today’s episode to hear all of Jillian’s wisdom!
Relevant links:
It Begins with You: The 9 Hard Truths about Love That Will Change Your Life by Jillian Turecki
Order Dr. Alexandra’s book, Love Every Day
Family of Origin Roles Series: The Peacemaker (From Referee to Realist)
Today’s episode is part of a solo series on Reimagining Love about Family of Origin Roles (a.k.a. FOO roles). Tune in on the first two Tuesdays of each month to learn about how the roles we were cast into as children and held within our family systems shape how we show up in our relationships today. Whether you were the one who held the family together, the rebel who pushed back against household norms, or the “easy” kid who flew under the radar, we all inhabited a position in the community of our family and absorbed certain messages about love, connection, and worthiness as a result. Check out the introductory episode of the series if you missed it!
We’re taking a look at “The Peacemaker” role in today’s episode. All families have conflict, and it’s common for one child in the family to play a referee or mediator role, either through intervention or more subtler peacemaking strategies, such as comic relief. As adults, Peacemakers likely find themselves between friends and family members when there are tensions and may struggle to extract themselves from these dynamics. Does this sound like you, or someone you love? Listen to the episode to learn more about this role and how The Peacemaker can embark on their healing journey.
Relevant links:
Get the FREE Family of Origin Roles Workbook: Reclaiming You
Reimagining Love: Disrupting the Underfunctioning/Overfunctioning Dynamic
Take the Family of Origin Roles Quiz
Reimagining Love: “Tending to ‘Little You’ & Exploring Your Family of Origin”
Dr. Alexandra’s Psychotherapy Networker Article
Order Dr. Alexandra’s book, Love Every Day
Family of Origin Roles Series: The Struggling One (From Scapegoat to Self-Advocate)
Today’s episode is part of a solo series on Reimagining Love about Family of Origin Roles (a.k.a. FOO roles). Tune in on the first two Tuesdays of each month to learn about how the roles we were cast into as children and held within our family systems shape how we show up in our relationships today. Whether you were the one who held the family together, the rebel who pushed back against household norms, or the “easy” kid who flew under the radar, we all inhabited a position in the community of our family and absorbed certain messages about love, connection, and worthiness as a result. Check out the introductory episode of the series if you missed it!
We’re taking a look at “The Struggling One” role in today’s episode. In some families, there is an individual who needs more care and attention than others. There are a number of reasons why this might be the case, including a difference in ability, a behavioral challenge, or a mental health condition. In any case, the “struggling one” is the recipient of a lot of the family system’s energy, and this dynamic may lead to certain challenges and strengths for that person in adulthood. Does this sound like you, or someone you love? Listen to the episode to learn more about this role and how The Struggling One can embark on their healing journey.
Relevant links:
Get the FREE Family of Origin Roles Workbook: Reclaiming You
Minorities Less Likely to Be Identified for Special Education, Study Finds (EducationWeek)
‘Boys are disappearing’ from mental health care as signs of depression go undetected (NBC News)
Girls With Social and/or Attention Deficit Re-Examined in Young Adulthood: Prospective Study of Diagnostic Stability, Daily Life Functioning and Social Situation (National Library of Medicine)
The "Spoon Theory" (Christine Miserandino, www.butyoudontlooksick.com)
Take the Family of Origin Roles Quiz
Reimagining Love: “Tending to ‘Little You’ & Exploring Your Family of Origin”
Dr. Alexandra’s Psychotherapy Networker Article
Order Dr. Alexandra’s book, Love Every Day
Bedroom Conversations: Why Great Sex Starts With Great Communication with Vanessa & Xander Marin
On today’s episode of Reimagining Love, Vanessa & Xander Marin join Dr. Alexandra for a frank and compassionate conversation about sex—specifically, sex in long-term relationships. It’s normal for couples to fall into a rut in the bedroom, ranging from sex feeling kind of “meh,” to long periods without any intimacy at all. These ebbs and flows are part of being in a long-term relationship or marriage, and the good news is, there are actions you can take to chart a new course with your partner and to get excited about each other again. Vanessa and Xander are a couple who have been creating that very roadmap for folks, through their amazing online courses, their podcast, Pillow Talks, and their New York Times-bestselling book, Sex Talks: The Five Conversations That Will Transform Your Love Life. Vanessa is a sex therapist with 20 years of experience who has been featured in outlets like O, The Oprah Magazine, Harper’s Bazaar, Vogue, and Goop, and she has written for The New York Times, Allure, and Lifehacker. And Xander? Well, he is a “regular dude” who left his corporate job to join Vanessa in this work. Together they blend clinical wisdom, humor, openness, and their own personal stories to normalize talking about our sex lives and to offer techniques for improving yours. You are going to hear about their personal experience with couple therapy and how they landed on the agreement, “If it matters to one of us, it matters to both of us.” They share so many juicy insights about sex, from desire discrepancy to initiation to their amazing acronym “P.L.E.A.S.E.,” which you’ll learn in this conversation. This episode will give you the confidence to shift the way you and your partner talk about sex and couple therapy, as well as anything else you might be stuck on.
Relevant Links:
Sex Talks: The Five Conversations That Will Transform Your Love Life by Vanessa & Xander Marin
Vanessa & Xander’s website: https://vmtherapy.com/https://vmtherapy.com/
Vanessa & Xander’s courses & challenges: https://vmtherapy.com/holiday-gift-guide-2024
Vanessa & Xander’s podcast, Pillow Talks: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/pillow-talks/id1569466131
Order Dr. Alexandra’s book,Love Every Day
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Give the gift of Relational Self-Awareness! All of Dr. Alexandra's online offerings are 20% off until December 20th, 2024! They include the hallmark course "Intimate Relationships 101" and the Reimagining Love Workbook as a beautiful companion to this podcast. Visit https://dralexandrasolomon.com/giftguide2024/ to explore Relational Self-Awareness as you and your loved ones move into the new year.