Prioritizing Your Pleasure: How to Rediscover Your Spark with Shan Boodram
In this episode, Dr. Alexandra is joined by Shan Boodram, a sexuality educator and certified sexologist, known for her work on Netflix’s Too Hot To Handle, The Marriage Pact on The Roku Channel, and Ex-Rated on Peacock, which she co-hosted with Andy Cohen, as well as her MasterClass, “The Art of Seduction,” which leads folks through the fundamentals of flirting, intimacy, and how to foster deep physical and emotional connections. Shan’s approach to sex education is welcoming and approachable, and she has a reverence for this topic that is oh-so central to our humanity and aliveness. From re-defining the way we draw wisdom from the ancient Kama Sutra text, to even designing jewelry that encourages folks to reclaim their pleasure in the bedroom, Shan & this conversation will inspire you to see your and your partner’s sexuality with fresh eyes. And if you’re looking for practical advice on the art of seduction, you’ll get that in this episode, too (enter Shan’s iconic “sexy eye triangle” tip). There’s so much to glean from this episode, whether you’re looking to spice things up with your partner in the bedroom, move past sexual shame, or just see sex in a new way.
You’ll come away from this episode with:
- A refreshed perspective on the “intimate self” and a reminder of how central our sexuality is to our humanity
- Practical tips for how to use flirting and seduction to connect with others, and even more importantly, with yourself
- New ideas for how to bring novelty, improved communication, and playfulness into the bedroom
“Your Midyear Refresh” on MasterClass: masterclass.com/yourmidyearrefresh
Couple Therapy Certification Course from PESI: pesi.com/dralexandra
“The Art of Seduction on MasterClass: masterclass.com/shan
Käma, Shan's jewelry collaboration with Surmeyi
Shan’s website
LOVERS by shan, Shan’s podcast
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From Disconnected to Passionate: How to Get Out of a Sexual Rut with Dr. Kate Balestrieri
Conversations about sex are so important, but approaching the topic with a partner can feel overwhelming. When we come up against sexual challenges in our relationships, it can be easy to fall into patterns of blame and shame. Listening to this episode is a great first step as you find your voice and reclaim your power in your sex life. You’ll hear from psychologist and sex therapist Dr. Kate Balestrieri, who joins Dr. Alexandra for a conversation about sexuality and her new book, What Happened to My Sex Life? They explore the importance of creating shared agreements and visions with your partner when it comes to sex, how to navigate retroactive jealousy, and the role safety plays in our sexual connections. They also respond to a listener question about how someone’s sexual history can impact their current relationship dynamic.
Relevant links:
Dr. Kate’s book: What Happened to My Sex Life? A Sex Therapist's Guide to Reclaiming Lost Desire, Connection, and Pleasure
Dr. Kate’s Instagram: @drkatebalestrieri
Dr. Kate’s website: Modern Intimacy
Get Naked with Dr. Kate (podcast)
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Bedroom Conversations: Why Great Sex Starts With Great Communication with Vanessa & Xander Marin
On today’s episode of Reimagining Love, Vanessa & Xander Marin join Dr. Alexandra for a frank and compassionate conversation about sex—specifically, sex in long-term relationships. It’s normal for couples to fall into a rut in the bedroom, ranging from sex feeling kind of “meh,” to long periods without any intimacy at all. These ebbs and flows are part of being in a long-term relationship or marriage, and the good news is, there are actions you can take to chart a new course with your partner and to get excited about each other again. Vanessa and Xander are a couple who have been creating that very roadmap for folks, through their amazing online courses, their podcast, Pillow Talks, and their New York Times-bestselling book, Sex Talks: The Five Conversations That Will Transform Your Love Life. Vanessa is a sex therapist with 20 years of experience who has been featured in outlets like O, The Oprah Magazine, Harper’s Bazaar, Vogue, and Goop, and she has written for The New York Times, Allure, and Lifehacker. And Xander? Well, he is a “regular dude” who left his corporate job to join Vanessa in this work. Together they blend clinical wisdom, humor, openness, and their own personal stories to normalize talking about our sex lives and to offer techniques for improving yours. You are going to hear about their personal experience with couple therapy and how they landed on the agreement, “If it matters to one of us, it matters to both of us.” They share so many juicy insights about sex, from desire discrepancy to initiation to their amazing acronym “P.L.E.A.S.E.,” which you’ll learn in this conversation. This episode will give you the confidence to shift the way you and your partner talk about sex and couple therapy, as well as anything else you might be stuck on.
Relevant Links:
Sex Talks: The Five Conversations That Will Transform Your Love Life by Vanessa & Xander Marin
Vanessa & Xander’s website: https://vmtherapy.com/https://vmtherapy.com/
Vanessa & Xander’s courses & challenges: https://vmtherapy.com/holiday-gift-guide-2024
Vanessa & Xander’s podcast, Pillow Talks: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/pillow-talks/id1569466131
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Give the gift of Relational Self-Awareness! All of Dr. Alexandra's online offerings are 20% off until December 20th, 2024! They include the hallmark course "Intimate Relationships 101" and the Reimagining Love Workbook as a beautiful companion to this podcast. Visit https://dralexandrasolomon.com/giftguide2024/ to explore Relational Self-Awareness as you and your loved ones move into the new year.
Open Marriage: Lessons from Non-Monogamy & Motherhood with Molly Roden Winter
Author Molly Roden Winter joins Reimagining Love to share her story of opening up her marriage as a happily married mother and the hard-earned and profound truths she learned along the way. For Molly, her journey of non-monogamy opened her up to more: more choice and self-discovery, and feeling more than her roles as a mother and wife.
Relevant links:
More: A Memoir of Open Marriage by Molly Roden Winter
New York Magazine's "A Practical Guide to Modern Polyamory"
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When You're the Affair Partner
Throughout her decades as a therapist, Dr. Alexandra has helped many people navigate being "the affair partner." Participating in infidelity creates an intoxicating yet profoundly confusing blend of emotions and experiences. In this episode, Dr. Alexandra examines the psychology of this role and offers a compassionate look into the surrounding context: the thrills, secret benefits, sources of shame, and potential origin stories embedded within this controversial role.
Relevant links:
"Taking Sexy Back" by Dr. Alexandra Solomon
Facebook Group: Esther Perel Discussion Group
Reimagining Love episode: "Guidance for the Newly Single"
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Are You Ready to Date Again?
Thinking about re-entering the dating scene after a breakup or loss? How can you tell if you're truly ready to get back out there? In this solo episode, Dr. Alexandra provides five Relational Self-Awareness-informed indicators that you can use to help you discern whether you’re ready to date again.
Relevant links:
Access this episode's companion worksheet here
Listen to Reimagining Love's "Guidance for the Newly Single" episode
Learn more about Relational Self-Awareness with Dr. Alexandra's books, Loving Bravely and Taking Sexy Back
Order Dr. Alexandra’s new book, Love Every Day
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Come Together: Cultivating Sexual Connection in Long-term Relationships with Dr. Emily Nagoski
Emily Nagoski joins Reimagining Love for a vulnerable and expansive conversation about nurturing lasting sexual connections in long-term partnerships. As an award-winning sex educator and author, Emily combines groundbreaking research, sex education, and stress education to expand our ideas about women's sexuality. In her new book, Come Together, Emily explores how long-term couples maintain sexual connection over time. Together, Emily and Dr. Alexandra uncover the importance of moving away from the "shoulds" in our sex lives and towards discovering more confidence and joy with our partners.
Relevant links:
Come Together: The Science (and Art!) of Creating Lasting Sexual Connections by Emily Nagoski
Dates for Emily's upcoming book tour
Learn more about Emily's work online and on Instagram
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The Power of Play: Embodying Sex Positivity with Nicoletta Heidegger
Therapist and sexologist Nicoletta Heidegger joins Reimagining Love for an expansive conversation about all things sexuality. Nicoletta's approach shows the power of sex-positivity — encouraging curiosity about how everyone can learn to have better sex and, in doing so, build deeper connections to our senses, our relationships, and ourselves.
Learn more about Nicoletta's work:
https://www.nicolettavheidegger.com/
Nicoletta's Sex and Scholars Podcast:
https://podcasts.apple.com/ie/podcast/sluts-and-scholars/id1223781930
Tickets for Afternoon Delight: A Live Podcast Experience on Feb. 10th, 2024:
https://www.eventbrite.com/e/afternoon-delight-a-live-podcast-experience-tickets-767718646137
Order Dr. Alexandra's new book, Love Every Day:
https://bookshop.org/p/books/love-every-day-365-relational-self-awareness-practices-to-help-your-relationship-heal-grow-and-thrive-alexandra-solomon/19970421?ean=9781683736530
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The Highs and Lows of Finding "Your Person": Bringing a Sense of Humor to Dating with Julie Krafchick & Yue Xu
Julie Krafchick and Yue Xu, hosts of the popular podcast Dateable, join Dr. Solomon for a fun, yet insightful, conversation about all things dating. Together, they explore our rapidly changing dating culture and tackle three sticky relationship situations.
Black Friday Sale — Use code FRIDAYLOVE for 20% off Dr. Solomon's e-courses. This discount is valid worldwide until November 28th:
https://courses.dralexandrasolomon.com/
Listen to the episode of Dateable where Dr. Solomon joined Julie and Yue to discuss pace discrepancies:
https://pod.link/1084105171/episode/c0b52d250484100116190980caf290d7
Listen to the Dateable podcast:
Listen to Exit Interview:
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100th Episode: Answering Your Questions!
Today's show is the 100th episode of Reimagining Love! Dr. Solomon celebrates this milestone by answering several great listener questions: one from a woman in her 20s who is grappling with stability vs adventure in her love life; one about ambition differences between two partners; and one from a man desiring more affection from his partner. Take a listen to hear from Dr. Solomon on all of these great questions!
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Desire Differences: What to Do When You and Your Partner Have Mismatched Libidos with Dr. Lauren Fogel Mersy & Dr. Jennifer Vencill
If you and your partner have a desire difference between you, you're not alone. In this episode, Dr. Solomon is joined by guests Dr. Lauren Fogel Mersy and Dr. Jennifer Vencill for an honest and compassionate conversation about mismatched libidos and how partners can navigate this challenge as a team.
Desire: An Inclusive Guide to Navigating Libido Differences in Relationships by Dr. Lauren Fogel Mersy & Dr. Jennifer Vencill
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Let's Talk About "Sleep Divorces"
We generally assume that long-term partners sleep in the same bed together. But for some couples, sleep issues or other concerns make it hard for two people to get a good night's rest. "Sleep divorces" are more common than you might think, but the stigma about them remains. In this episode, Dr. Solomon shares tips for how to discuss sleeping arrangements with your partner.
Pre-order Dr. Solomon's new book, Love Every Day, and register to receive free gifts after you order:
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The Extraordinary Importance of Sleep (P&T, December 2018) Susan Worley
Wendy M. Troxel, Ph.D., Theodore F. Robles, Ph.D., Martica Hall, Ph.D., and Daniel J. Buysse
The Bizarre Social History of Beds What We Did in Bed: A Horizontal History by Brian Fagan and Nadia Durrani
Is sleeping in separate beds bad for your relationship? A sleep scientist answers (TED’s “How to Be a Better Human” series)
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Unlocking Pleasure: How Imagination Can Empower and Reignite Us with Gina Gutierrez
Gina Gutierrez, co-founder of the audio platform Dipsea, joins Dr. Solomon for a conversation about sexuality, imagination, and empowerment. They discuss how audio erotica can help people— particularly women—reconnect with their pleasure and create a safe space for exploration with storytelling.
Pre-order Dr. Solomon's new book, Love Every Day, and register to receive free gifts after you order:
https://dralexandrasolomon.com/loveeverydaybook
Use code LOVEPOD for a free month of Dipsea Audio Stories:
https://www.dipseastories.com/LOVEPOD
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Getting Real About Pleasure: Reclaiming Desire with Dr. Laurie Mintz
Dr. Laurie Mintz joins Dr. Alexandra for a conversation about all things pleasure, from the orgasm gap to sexual myths to vibrators, offering inspiration and encouragement to both individuals and couples as they seek to reignite and reconnect with their desire and sexual identity.
Becoming Cliterate: Why Orgasm Equality Matters--And How to Get It by Dr. Laurie Mintz:
A Tired Woman's Guide to Passionate Sex: Reclaim Your Desire and Reignite Your Relationship by Dr. Laurie Mintz:
She Comes First: The Thinking Man's Guide to Pleasuring a Woman by Dr. Ian Kerner:
Get the brand new REIMAGINING LOVE WORKBOOK:
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The Neuroscience of Pleasure: Why Good Sex Matters with Dr. Nan Wise
Dr. Nan Wise, a neuroscientist researcher and certified sex therapist, joins Dr. Alexandra for a discussion about the importance of prioritizing healthy pleasure. Dr. Nan shares some of the most fascinating findings from her team's research, especially pertaining to female pleasure.
Why Good Sex Matters: Understanding the Neuroscience of Pleasure for a Smarter, Happier, and More Purpose-Filled Life by Dr. Nan Wise:
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"Right person, wrong time"
The timing of how things play out in our lives is often out of our control. How do we decide whether to pursue a budding relationship, even when "the time isn't right," or whether to accept circumstances and let things go? Dr. Alexandra discusses all of this in more in this episode.
Get the companion worksheet for last week's episode:
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Is Your "Situationship" Working?
Casual and/or circumstantial relationships can be fun, but they also pose unique challenges and often bring up complex emotions. In this episode, Dr. Alexandra shares her thoughts on "situationships" and provides prompts and questions to assess whether your particular relationship is continuing to be enriching, respectful, and clear for both partners—or whether it may be time to move on.
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