Why Self-Compassion is an Essential Practice with Dr. Kristin Neff
Dr. Alexandra’s conversation with Dr. Kristin Neff is all about self-compassion, an essential tool for your emotional well-being toolkit (and that’s scientifically proven!). Dr. Kristen Neff, a trailblazer in the field of self-compassion research, introduces the three foundational pillars of self-compassion, illustrating how integrating all three of these elements empowers individuals to confront their inner critic and cultivate healthier connections.
The discussion delves into the biological and family of origin influences that shape our self-criticism, while also addressing the grief that may surface when embarking on a self-compassion journey. You will also learn about Fierce Self-Compassion, and how we can lean into this action-oriented facet to be ambitious and to fulfill our life’s purpose.
You’ll come away from this episode with:
- A deeper understanding of the three pillars of self-compassion and their impact on relationships.
- Insights into how practising self-compassion can cultivate self-love, foster connection, enhance intimacy, and reduce anxiety, shame, and isolation.
- A new perspective on some common myths of self-compassion, such as:
- Are self-compassion and self-esteem the same thing?
- Is “self-compassion” just “self-pity” rebranded?
- Does practising self-compassion encourage people to not take personal accountability?
- Does embracing self-compassion mean we can’t be ambitious or want to come in first place?
- Strategies for integrating self-compassion into your routine, with a simple starting point that Dr. Kristin Neff herself practises daily.
Resources worth mentioning from the episode:
- Learn more about Dr. Kristin Neff and Self-Compassion: https://self-compassion.org/
- Join the Self-Compassion Community: https://self-compassion.org/self-compassion-community/
- Fierce Self-Compassion by Dr. Kristin Neff: https://bookshop.org/p/books/fierce-self-compassion-how-to-harness-kindness-to-speak-up-claim-your-power-and-thrive-dr-kristin-neff/76d3f59a98e08da8?ean=9780062991065&next=t
- Self-Compassion by Dr. Kristin Neff: https://bookshop.org/p/books/self-compassion-the-proven-power-of-being-kind-to-yourself-dr-kristin-neff/a22f80fa1a9efa3b?ean=9780061733529&next=t
- Managing Back to School Stress on MasterClass: http://masterclass.com/backtoschool
Continue the conversation with Dr. Alexandra Solomon:
- Ask a question! Submit your relationship challenge: https://form.jotform.com/212295995939274
- Order Dr. Alexandra’s book, Love Every Day: https://bookshop.org/p/books/love-every-day-365-relational-self-awareness-practices-to-help-your-relationship-heal-grow-and-thrive-alexandra-solomon/19970421?ean=9781683736530
- Cultivate connection by subscribing to Dr. Alexandra’s newsletter: https://dralexandrasolomon.com/subscribe/
- Learn more on IG: https://www.instagram.com/dr.alexandra.solomon/
For Love, In Truth: How To Live Authentically and Find Joy with Dr. Martha Beck
“The cost of that is courage, to live for love, in truth. It takes a lot of guts and the rewards are indescribable.”
Dr. Alexandra sits down with bestselling author and coach Dr. Martha Beck to explore what it means to live “for love, in truth”, a mantra that can redefine the way we experience love and relationships. In a world filled with societal pressures and expectations, Martha shares her wisdom on how embracing authenticity can unlock profound joy and lead to fulfilling connections. Martha reflects on her unconventional journey through relationships, and the life-changing lessons learned from a spiritual experience she had while under anesthesia and from being shunned by her community in her young adulthood. Together, Dr. Alexandra and Dr. Martha Beck tackle a listener's poignant question about experiencing doubt in her relationship that’s full of “emotional complexities and longing”, leading her to question if her needs are being met.
In this episode, you’ll learn:
- What Martha Beck means by her mantra, “For love, in truth,” and how to recognize when you’re living out of alignment with your truth.
- How to hold love and truth through moments of doubt and loss, and how to embrace doubt and loss as necessary aspects of growth.
- How to come back to peace when life feels overwhelming.
- How to balance compassion for your partner with holding your own truth, telling your own story, and tending to your personal needs.
Resources worth mentioning from the episode:
- Learn more about Martha Beck: https://marthabeck.com/
- Beyond Anxiety: Curiosity, Creativity and Finding Your Life’s Purpose by Martha Beck: https://bookshop.org/p/books/beyond-anxiety-curiosity-creativity-and-finding-your-life-s-purpose-martha-beck/6741d02da06f0869
- Martha Beck and Rowan Mangan’s Wilder Community: https://wildercommunity.com/
- Managing Back to School Stress on MasterClass: http://masterclass.com/backtoschool
Continue the conversation with Dr. Alexandra Solomon:
- Ask a question! Submit your relationship challenge: https://form.jotform.com/212295995939274
- Order Dr. Alexandra’s book, Love Every Day: https://bookshop.org/p/books/love-every-day-365-relational-self-awareness-practices-to-help-your-relationship-heal-grow-and-thrive-alexandra-solomon/19970421?ean=9781683736530
- Cultivate connection by subscribing to Dr. Alexandra’s newsletter: https://dralexandrasolomon.com/subscribe/
- Learn more on IG: https://www.instagram.com/dr.alexandra.solomon/
What To Do When Your Partner Is Struggling (Part Two)
In this two-part series, Dr. Alexandra will be taking you through how to take care of yourself and your relationship when your partner is struggling. Perhaps your partner is struggling with a job loss, a health diagnosis, a mental health challenge, the loss of a loved one, family drama, co-parenting with an ex, or something else entirely. Whatever it is, the theme is that there is some scenario that is taking up more of your partner’s bandwidth than usual, leaving less bandwidth for you and your relationship.
In this second part, Dr. Alexandra is going to take you through five internal strategies to cope with the situation at hand – strategies that are about how you can tend to and take care of yourself. Then she will take you through nine relational strategies – strategies that will help you and your partner maintain or restore your relationship even as your partner struggles.
You’ll come away with this conversation with:
- A toolkit of five internal strategies to support your own emotional health while caring for your partner.
- Nine actionable relational strategies to enhance communication and understanding in your relationship.
- Insights on the significance of self-care for the non-struggling partner and how it contributes to relationship health.
- Food-for-thought on resentment, grieving, high-functioning co-dependency, celebrating small victories, and rebuilding after a dark period (and so much more!)
Resources worth mentioning from the episode:
- Terri Cole’s Too Much: https://bookshop.org/p/books/too-much-a-guide-to-breaking-the-cycle-of-high-functioning-codependency-terri-cole-msw-lcsw/077213db5957f23e?ean=9781649631862&next=t&
- Reimagining Love episode, High-Functioning Codependency: From Managing to Loving with Terri Cole https://dralexandrasolomon.com/podcasts/high-functioning-codependency-from-managing-to-loving-with-terri-cole/
- Managing Back to School Stress on MasterClass: http://masterclass.com/backtoschool
Continue the conversation with Dr. Alexandra Solomon:
- Ask a question! Submit your relationship challenge: https://form.jotform.com/212295995939274
- Order Dr. Alexandra’s book, Love Every Day: https://bookshop.org/p/books/love-every-day-365-relational-self-awareness-practices-to-help-your-relationship-heal-grow-and-thrive-alexandra-solomon/19970421?ean=9781683736530
- Cultivate connection by subscribing to Dr. Alexandra’s newsletter: https://dralexandrasolomon.com/subscribe/
- Learn more on IG: https://www.instagram.com/dr.alexandra.solomon/
What To Do When Your Partner Is Struggling (Part One)
In this two-part series, Dr. Alexandra will be taking you through how to take care of yourself and your relationship when your partner is struggling. Perhaps your partner is struggling with a job loss, a health diagnosis, a mental health challenge, the loss of a loved one, family drama, co-parenting with an ex, or something else entirely. Whatever it is, the theme is that there is some scenario that is taking up more of your partner’s bandwidth than usual, leaving less bandwidth for you and your relationship.
In this first part, Dr. Alexandra is going to be contextualizing this scenario and providing lots of validation for the struggle that comes with having a struggling partner. She is also going to discuss factors that shape how your partner’s struggle impacts you. Hard things are just hard, but the ways you’re getting activated in the wake of your partner’s struggle also have a lot to do with your specific wounds, as well as the role you played in your family of origin.
The insights shared in this episode lay the groundwork for a two-part series designed to equip you with effective coping strategies to maintain your well-being while fostering intimacy and connection, even in challenging times.
You’ll come away from this conversation with:
- A deeper understanding of what Dr. Alexandra calls the Recursive Relational Framework (RRF)
- Research examples that demonstrate that your partner’s struggles affect you and that how you respond can influence their outcome.
- Strategies for recognizing and managing your emotional triggers in response to a partner's distress.
- Practical tips for fostering personal growth while supporting a partner through their challenges.
Resources worth mentioning from the episode:
- Get the FREE Family of Origin Roles Workbook: https://dralexandrasolomon.com/rolesworkbook/
- Family of Origin Series Playlist: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/58WZg044gbmGsL6iPNxXJy?si=bajzkF-kRxG3WL76yJL-qw
- Take the Family of Origin Role Quiz: https://dralexandrasolomon.com/rolesquiz/
- Managing Back to School Stress on MasterClass: http://masterclass.com/backtoschool
Articles mentioned in the episode:
- Impact of living with an adult with depressive symptoms among households in the United States: https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0165032723015082#:~:text=Adults%20without%20depressive%20symptoms%20living%20in%20a%20depression%20household%20%28n,related%20visits%2C%20were%20not%20significant.
- The Impact of Bipolar Disorder on Couple Functioning: Implications for Care and Treatment. A Systematic Review: https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC8400362/
- Review and Meta-analysis of Couple-Oriented Interventions for Chronic Illness: https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC8400362/
- Family Function Impacts Relapse Tendency in Substance Use Disorder: Mediated Through Self-Esteem and Resilience: https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC8882822/#:~:text=Specifically%2C%20the%20family%20function%20is,love%20and%20identification%20%2823%29.
- Family members’ experiences of ‘living well’ with a family member with depression: https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S1322769624000040?dgcid=rss_sd_all#bbib1
Continue the conversation with Dr. Alexandra Solomon:
- Ask a question! Submit your relationship challenge: https://form.jotform.com/212295995939274
- Order Dr. Alexandra’s book, Love Every Day: https://bookshop.org/p/books/love-every-day-365-relational-self-awareness-practices-to-help-your-relationship-heal-grow-and-thrive-alexandra-solomon/19970421?ean=9781683736530
- Cultivate connection by subscribing to Dr. Alexandra’s newsletter: https://dralexandrasolomon.com/subscribe/
- Learn more on IG: https://www.instagram.com/dr.alexandra.solomon/
How Healing Your Inner Child Can Deepen Your Relationships with Christine Hassler
What if the key to deeper intimacy lies in understanding the echoes of our past? Dr. Alexandra Solomon sits with Christine Hassler, a Master coach, podcast host, and author, to discuss how our family of origin roles shape our present connections, emphasizing the importance of inner child work and relational self-awareness. Christine shares her journey through the unhealthy patterns that surfaced in her own relationship with her partner, Stef, offering a raw look at the necessity of self-reflection in cultivating healthier dynamics.
You'll come away from this episode with:
- A deeper understanding of how family of origin influences shape your current relationships.
- Practical strategies for engaging in inner child work to enhance self-awareness and relational dynamics.
- Insights into the importance of self-advocacy (especially as women!) and authentic communication in intimate partnerships.
- Perspective on how our professional roles and work offer yet another arena for us to notice and tend to old pain and create new ways of relating to ourselves and the world around us.
Resources worth mentioning from the episode:
- Podcast - Life Coaching with Christine Hassler:
https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/life-coaching-with-christine-hassler/id1050321415
- Christine Hassler’s The Women’s Retreat in San Diego, Oct 17-19, 2025:
https://christinehassler.com/womensretreat/
- “Managing Back to School Stress on MasterClass: http://masterclass.com/backtoschool
- Couple Therapy Certification Course from PESI: http://pesi.com/dralexandra
Continue the conversation with Dr. Alexandra Solomon:
- Ask a question! Submit your relationship challenge: https://form.jotform.com/212295995939274
- Order Dr. Alexandra’s book, Love Every Day: https://bookshop.org/p/books/love-every-day-365-relational-self-awareness-practices-to-help-your-relationship-heal-grow-and-thrive-alexandra-solomon/19970421?ean=9781683736530
- Cultivate connection by subscribing to Dr. Alexandra’s newsletter: https://dralexandrasolomon.com/subscribe/
- Learn more on IG: https://www.instagram.com/dr.alexandra.solomon/
Managing Anxiety: Three Root Causes To Help You Find Relief with Noelle McWard Aquino
Anxiety is one of the most common emotional struggles today. Whether you have a formal diagnosis or are simply experiencing the symptoms, you are not alone.
In this episode, Dr. Alexandra is joined by anxiety expert, therapist, and author Noelle McWard Aquino to talk about the three distinct root causes Noelle has identified and written about in her book Anxiety Unpacked. Together, they discuss which characteristics each type has and what core needs drive them. And most importantly, they discuss practical tools and strategies to help you find relief and peace, regardless of your anxiety type.
You’ll come away with this conversation with:
- A thorough overview of anxiety, with answers to questions that often come up such as:
-What’s the difference between anxiety and intuition?
-Is it okay if I just avoid the things that make me anxious?
-How am I possibly going to change my behaviour when I feel as anxious as I do?
-Why do we have to deal with anxiety in the first place?
- The three root causes of anxiety, characteristics to identify each type, and strategies to manage each type
- Tips on what to do if you’re struggling with anxiety in your intimate partnership, and what to do if your partner is struggling with anxiety
- Validation on the experience of anxiety and a mindset shift to provide hope that you can find peace and calm
Resources worth mentioning from the episode:
- Learn more about Noelle McWard Aquino
https://noellemcwardaquino.com
- Anxiety Unpacked: Discover Your Type and Recover Your Peace by Noelle McWard Aquino:
- “Your Anxiety Toolkit” on MasterClass: www.masterclass.com/youranxietytoolkit
- Couple Therapy Certification Course from PESI: http://pesi.com/dralexandra
Continue the conversation with Dr. Alexandra Solomon:
- Ask a question! Submit your relationship challenge: https://form.jotform.com/212295995939274
- Order Dr. Alexandra’s book, Love Every Day: https://bookshop.org/p/books/love-every-day-365-relational-self-awareness-practices-to-help-your-relationship-heal-grow-and-thrive-alexandra-solomon/19970421?ean=9781683736530
- Cultivate connection by subscribing to Dr. Alexandra’s newsletter: https://dralexandrasolomon.com/subscribe/
- Learn more on IG: https://www.instagram.com/dr.alexandra.solomon/
It's Not Just You: The Myth of Limitless Resilience with Dr. Tasha Eurich
Have you ever felt like your resilience is being pushed to its limits, especially in the chaotic and complex world we live in today? Dr. Alexandra sits down with organizational psychologist, researcher, and New York Times best-selling author Dr. Tasha Eurich to delve into the insights from her new book, Shatterproof: How to Thrive in a World of Constant Chaos (and Why Resilience Alone Isn’t Enough). In this conversation, they discuss the myths of resilience, as well as what a “resilience ceiling” is and how to identify when we’ve hit it. Most importantly, they talk about how to understand the limits of resilience so that we don’t, as Dr. Tasha would call it, “grit gaslight” ourselves when our usual coping strategies don’t work the way they used to.
You'll come away from this episode with:
- A clearer understanding of the limitations of resilience and how to identify when you’ve reached your 'resilience ceiling’.
- A renewed perspective on the importance of acknowledging struggles as part of personal growth and healing (stoicism isn't the answer here!).
- Practical strategies and tools to enhance your self-awareness and well-being, such as Dr. Tasha’s self-assessment for determining how much of our self-definition is about our work and ambition, and her 2-2-2 tool for managing overwhelm.
- Insights into the essential emotional needs that foster deeper connections in your relationships.
Resources worth mentioning from the episode:
- The Resilience Ceiling Quiz
- Shatterproof: How to Thrive in a World of Constant Chaos (And Why Resilience Alone Isn't Enough) by Tasha Eurich
- Managing Back to School Stress on MasterClass: http://masterclass.com/backtoschool
- Couple Therapy Certification Course from PESI: http://pesi.com/dralexandra
Continue the conversation with Dr. Alexandra Solomon:
- Ask a question! Submit your relationship challenge: https://form.jotform.com/212295995939274
- Order Dr. Alexandra’s book, Love Every Day: https://bookshop.org/p/books/love-every-day-365-relational-self-awareness-practices-to-help-your-relationship-heal-grow-and-thrive-alexandra-solomon/19970421?ean=9781683736530
- Cultivate connection by subscribing to Dr. Alexandra’s newsletter: https://dralexandrasolomon.com/subscribe/
- Learn more on IG: https://www.instagram.com/dr.alexandra.solomon/
Revisit & Reflect: Dr. Thema Bryant on How to Heal Through Resting
We’re living in a time of information abundance (sometimes information overload!) and lots of that information is about mental health, wellness, and relational health! But there’s a difference between consuming content and integrating it. When we consume, the information might just pass through us. Whereas when we integrate, the information weaves its way into our unique story or situation. This creates insight and the potential for a shift in mindset, in emotion, in belief, and in behavior.
Reflect and journal with Dr. Alexandra to integrate core lessons from the podcast, continuing with today’s conversation from the archive. Originally released in September 2022, Dr. Alexandra and Dr. Thema Bryant discuss the importance of resting and of tapping into the things that make you feel truly alive. They also recognize that the ways the system impacts our sense of identity may hinder us from experiencing ease in rest or leisure. They invite us to incorporate these essential self-care acts into our lives little by little.
Get out your favorite pen and journal to reflect on these perspectives:
- Many of your struggles are influenced by systemic issues and are not as personal as you might think. Acknowledging this makes a lot of the negative voices in our heads that are related to our worth less of a mystery - often, they did not come from us.
- Rest is a radical act of self-compassion and connection (and not selfish or lazy!), although many people find it very difficult to slow down for a variety of reasons, particularly those from historically excluded identities.
- While slowing down can feel overwhelming because it brings up avoided emotions, integrating this practice gradually, and slowly noticing the information our emotions provide us, can allow us to tap into our truth.
Journaling Prompts:
- How do the macro issues of the world shape your sense of yourself in this moment today? What do the voices in your head tell you about your worth? Did that voice come from you? How might you show up differently if you rejected what the voices told you when they told you negative things about your worth?
- What's your relationship with rest and stillness? Is there some discomfort there? What, perhaps, keeps you from feeling at ease while resting? What does it feel like in your body to be still, to do nothing, to not be productive? What does doing something just for the sake of doing it, not as a means to an end, but just to be in the moment - what does that feel like? What's coming up for you as we sit here together right now?
- What comes to mind when you are being invited to reconnect with some neglected parts of yourself?
- What are you doing when you feel the most alive? What's the setting? What's the context? What time of day is it? What are you up to? What are the constraints to entering that space that makes you feel most alive? What, perhaps, keeps you from feeling entitled to make space for that which makes you come alive?
- What is a pledge that you can make to yourself this week to carve out even the tiniest bit more space for rest, for stillness, for doing that which makes you feel alive? And if and when you carve out a little tiny bit more space, can you just notice and land and savor how you feel when you enter that space of rest and stillness?
Resources worth mentioning from the episode:
- Reimagining Love episode, Coming Home to Ourselves: The Path to Thriving with Dr. Thema Bryant
- Homecoming: Overcome Fear and Trauma to Reclaim Your Whole, Authentic Self by Dr. Thema Bryant:
- The Homecoming Podcast:
- Dr. Thema’s Instagram:
https://www.instagram.com/dr.thema
- Tricia Hershey’s The Nap Ministry (Healing via the REST IS RESISTANCE framework):
- Managing Back to School Stress on MasterClass: http://masterclass.com/backtoschool
- Couple Therapy Certification Course from PESI: http://pesi.com/dralexandra
Continue the conversation with Dr. Alexandra Solomon:
- Ask a question! Submit your relationship challenge: https://form.jotform.com/212295995939274
- Order Dr. Alexandra’s book, Love Every Day: https://bookshop.org/p/books/love-every-day-365-relational-self-awareness-practices-to-help-your-relationship-heal-grow-and-thrive-alexandra-solomon/19970421?ean=9781683736530
- Cultivate connection by subscribing to Dr. Alexandra’s newsletter: https://dralexandrasolomon.com/subscribe/
- Learn more on IG: https://www.instagram.com/dr.alexandra.solomon/
Mailbag Episode! Rebuilding After Infidelity
The fourth and final mailbag episode of the summer is here! Check out Dr. Alexandra’s advice for three listeners with three relationship dilemmas related to infidelity and rebuilding trust, both relationally and within themselves.
Our first listener question concerns shame upon discovering an extramarital affair. Our second question deals with jealousy in the wake of some boundary-breaching behavior that is impacting the relationship. And our third question is from an affair partner who is struggling with honesty and clarity within the affair from her married partner. Listen to hear Dr. Alexandra’s guidance and submit your own question by following the link below.
“Your Midyear Refresh” on MasterClass: masterclass.com/yourmidyearrefresh
Couple Therapy Certification Course from PESI: pesi.com/dralexandra
Can I Trust You Again? E-Course: https://courses.dralexandrasolomon.com/can-i-trust-you-again-rebuilding-after-betrayal-or-deceit
Reimagining Love Episode, When Shame Blocks Repair
Reimagining Love Episode, When You’re the Affair Partner
Order Dr. Alexandra’s book, Love Every Day
Subscribe to Dr. Alexandra’s Newsletter
The Power of Parts Work: Embracing All of Ourselves with Britt Frank
When grappling with aspects of ourselves that we deem less good, less productive or less loveable, it may be tempting to completely write those parts off, or to hide them away in shame. Today’s guest, Britt Frank, sits down with Dr. Alexandra to make a compelling case for why it is essential to use the power of parts work to embrace these aspects of ourselves so that we can make better sense of the full range of the human experience and show up more fully in our important relationships.
You will come away from this episode with:
- Inspiration to embrace all parts of yourself, good and “bad”
- Know-how to A.L.I.G.N your mind, using this acronym to work with your parts
- Greater “parts literacy” to navigate your relationships with more skill, understanding, and compassion
- A new perspective on Attachment Styles in relation to our parts
“Your Midyear Refresh” on MasterClass: masterclass.com/yourmidyearrefresh
Couple Therapy Certification Course from PESI: pesi.com/dralexandra
Align Your Mind: Tame Your Inner Critic and Make Peace with Your Shadow Using the Power of Parts Work by Britt Frank
Learn more about Britt Frank at https://www.brittfrank.com/
Reimagining Love Episode, Finding The “Self”: Exploring Family Systems Therapy With Dr. Richard C. Schwartz
Order Dr. Alexandra’s book, Love Every Day
Revisit & Reflect: Drs. John & Julie Gottman on Protecting Connection in Your Relationship
Welcome to R&R: Revisit & Reflect, a new episode format here on the podcast. We’re living in a time of information abundance (sometimes information overload) and lots of that information is about mental health and relational health! But there’s a difference between consuming content and integrating it. When we consume, the information might just pass through us, whereas when we integrate, the information weaves its way into our unique story or situation, creating insight and the potential for a shift in mindset, in emotion, in belief, and in behavior.
With these R&R episodes, you’ll reflect and journal with Dr. Alexandra to integrate core lessons from the podcast, continuing with today’s conversation from the archive with the esteemed Drs. John & Julie Gottman. The Gottmans share some of the most groundbreaking findings to ever come out of their Love Lab and discuss with Dr. Alexandra the relationship principle of “Small Things Often.” So, get out your favorite pen and journal and join in this summer reflection.
You’ll come away from this episode with:
- A deeper understanding of how 'small things often' can create lasting bonds in your intimate partnerships.
- An opportunity to identify and appreciate the positive moments that contribute to your relationship's health.
- A framework for self-reflection with actionable journaling prompts to enhance intimacy.
Journaling Prompts:
- What messages did you receive growing up, either from your family, your culture, or from media you consumed, about HOW to express love? In what ways were those messages limited, and how might you update them based on what you heard in this clip?
- What keeps you from making small gestures of love towards your partner / toward your past partner? What keeps you from ACCEPTING bids for connection from partners? Is it discomfort? If so, what specifically feels uncomfortable? Is it fear? If so, what specifically is the fear? Is it a feeling of unworthiness? If so, what do you want to remember about who you are?
- In the clip, the Gottmans remind us that our PERCEPTION of our partner can play a huge role in the dynamic, and that we might actually be missing positive moments and bids for connection that are already happening. Write down a commitment you want to make this week to help you to keep an eye out for the positive.
- What’s something you find beautiful about your partner, either inside or out? What would it be like to share this with them, without any agenda, but just because it might light them up?
“Your Midyear Refresh” on MasterClass: masterclass.com/yourmidyearrefresh
Couple Therapy Certification Course from PESI: pesi.com/dralexandra
Reimagining Love Episode, How to Love Well: The Little Things that Change Everything with Drs. John & Julie Gottman
Order Dr. Alexandra’s book, Love Every Day
Subscribe to Dr. Alexandra’s Newsletter
Mailbag Episode! Trouble in Paradise
Welcome to another summer mailbag episode, in which Dr. Alexandra digs into recent listener questions so that we can all grow, together. Two of the questions today follow a general shape of a question that comes across Dr. Alexandra’s desk quite often. Something like: “Everything’s perfect in my relationship…BUT….” There’s some challenge, incompatibility, or roadblock that feels outside of our control—or, something within *US* that’s holding us back from taking things to the next level, even though everything feels so right—and we can’t get unstuck. Dr. Alexandra speaks to two listeners in this spot, as well as answering a unique question from a listener who is wanting to reclaim a special place for herself and her daughter, a place that holds both “pain and potential,” in her words, in the wake of the end of her marriage. Listen to hear Dr. Alexandra’s tips on how she can reclaim her paradise.
“Your Midyear Refresh” on MasterClass: masterclass.com/yourmidyearrefresh
Couple Therapy Certification Course from PESI: pesi.com/dralexandra
Take the Family of Origin Roles QUIZ
Previous summer mailbag episodes: Mailbag 1, Mailbag 2
Order Dr. Alexandra’s book, Love Every Day
Subscribe to Dr. Alexandra’s Newsletter
Prioritizing Your Pleasure: How to Rediscover Your Spark with Shan Boodram
In this episode, Dr. Alexandra is joined by Shan Boodram, a sexuality educator and certified sexologist, known for her work on Netflix’s Too Hot To Handle, The Marriage Pact on The Roku Channel, and Ex-Rated on Peacock, which she co-hosted with Andy Cohen, as well as her MasterClass, “The Art of Seduction,” which leads folks through the fundamentals of flirting, intimacy, and how to foster deep physical and emotional connections. Shan’s approach to sex education is welcoming and approachable, and she has a reverence for this topic that is oh-so central to our humanity and aliveness. From re-defining the way we draw wisdom from the ancient Kama Sutra text, to even designing jewelry that encourages folks to reclaim their pleasure in the bedroom, Shan & this conversation will inspire you to see your and your partner’s sexuality with fresh eyes. And if you’re looking for practical advice on the art of seduction, you’ll get that in this episode, too (enter Shan’s iconic “sexy eye triangle” tip). There’s so much to glean from this episode, whether you’re looking to spice things up with your partner in the bedroom, move past sexual shame, or just see sex in a new way.
You’ll come away from this episode with:
- A refreshed perspective on the “intimate self” and a reminder of how central our sexuality is to our humanity
- Practical tips for how to use flirting and seduction to connect with others, and even more importantly, with yourself
- New ideas for how to bring novelty, improved communication, and playfulness into the bedroom
“Your Midyear Refresh” on MasterClass: masterclass.com/yourmidyearrefresh
Couple Therapy Certification Course from PESI: pesi.com/dralexandra
“The Art of Seduction on MasterClass: masterclass.com/shan
Käma, Shan's jewelry collaboration with Surmeyi
Shan’s website
LOVERS by shan, Shan’s podcast
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Living Authentically: How to Cultivate Vulnerability, Emotional Safety, and Joy with Jennifer Pastiloff
Dr. Alexandra sits down with author and speaker Jennifer Pastiloff for a heartfelt conversation centered on vulnerability, new beginnings, and embracing joy through trying times. Jen’s candid sharing of her personal journey reminds us that we're constantly given opportunities to evolve ourselves, heal, and step more deeply into our authenticity. Jen and Dr. Alexandra also discuss navigating the "messy middle" after a breakup or divorce, and how we can begin again in life after facing bumps in the road. Jen's new book, Proof of Life: Let Go, Let Love, and Stop Looking for Permission to Live Your Life, is out today and explores all of these topics and many more.
You'll come away from this episode with:
- Hope & permission to live a bigger and more beautiful life
- Reminders for how to cultivate emotional safety in your intimate partnerships, which will pave the way for deeper connection
- A deeper understanding of the importance of "I Got You" people—the supportive folks in your circle who reflect your best self back to you—and clues for how to find them
- Empowerment to feel joy and search for beauty even in the most difficult or heartbreaking chapters of your life
“Your Midyear Refresh” on MasterClass: masterclass.com/yourmidyearrefresh
Couple Therapy Certification Course from PESI: pesi.com/dralexandra
Proof of Life: Let Go, Let Love, and Stop Looking for Permission to Live Your Life by Jennifer Pastiloff
Order Dr. Alexandra’s book, Love Every Day
Subscribe to Dr. Alexandra’s Newsletter
Revisit & Reflect: Esther Perel on Reigniting The Spark in Your Relationship
Welcome to R&R: Revisit & Reflect, a new episode format here on the podcast. We’re living in a time of information abundance (sometimes information overload) and lots of that information is about mental health and relational health! But there’s a difference between consuming content and integrating it. When we consume, the information might just pass through us, whereas when we integrate, the information weaves its way into our unique story or situation, creating insight and the potential for a shift in mindset, in emotion, in belief, and in behavior. With these R&R episodes, you’ll reflect and journal with Dr. Alexandra to integrate core lessons from the podcast, starting with today’s conversation from the archive with the inimitable relationship expert Esther Perel. They explore relational ambivalence and how to reignite the spark inside your relationship, and within yourself, inspired by a listener’s question. So, get out your favorite pen and journal and join in this summer reflection.
You’ll come away from this episode with:
- A deeper understanding of the importance of rituals in maintaining connection amidst life's challenges
- A new perspective on the impact of external circumstances on anxiety in your relationships.
- The ability to recognize and respond to your partner's bids for connection.
- A framework for self-reflection with actionable journaling prompts to enhance intimacy.
Journaling Prompts:
- How do the macro issues of the world shape your love life today? To what degree are you able to give yourself permission for play and pleasure, even as the world feels so hard? What allows you to do that?
- In the clip, Esther reminds us that if you don’t know how to turn yourself on, there’s nothing your partner can do to turn you on. How are you finding ways to connect to your own aliveness? What are some things you can do this week, just for you, that could reinvigorate your internal spark? This could include engaging with nature, art, food, movement, or play.
- In this clip, Esther and Dr. Alexandra talk about how for a couple to create an experience together, one partner is the initiator and one is the responder. These roles aren’t fixed, but which role do you do you tend to find yourself in more? What do you like about being in each position, and what’s hard about each of them?
“Your Midyear Refresh” on MasterClass: masterclass.com/yourmidyearrefresh
Couple Therapy Certification Course from PESI: pesi.com/dralexandra
Order Dr. Alexandra’s book, Love Every Day
Subscribe to Dr. Alexandra’s Newsletter
Mailbag Episode! Blended Families, LDRs, Talking About the Future
The second mailbag episode of the summer is here! Hear Dr. Alexandra’s advice for three listeners from around the world, with three relationship dilemmas: the first is a fellow “Alexandra” who lives in England and is struggling with her blended family. Next, we hear from a listener in Hawaii who is trying to make a difficult decision about their relationship. Finally, Dr. Alexandra answers a question from a listener in the UK who is ready to have a baby…but her boyfriend is not. Listen to hear Dr. Alexandra’s guidance and submit your own question by following the link below.
"Your Anxiety Toolkit" on MasterClass: www.masterclass.com/youranxietytoolkit
Order Dr. Alexandra’s book, Love Every Day
Subscribe to Dr. Alexandra’s Newsletter
Step Into Your Purpose: Using Righteous Anger for Good in a Broken World with Shannon Watts
If you’re ready to empower yourself to step into your true purpose but are paralyzed by fear, what-ifs, and imposter syndrome, you’ve found the right conversation. Today’s guest is Shannon Watts, the founder of Moms Demand Action, the nation’s largest grassroots group fighting gun violence in the U.S. Like many of us, Shannon was left outraged and broken after hearing news stories about school shootings and seeing the impact of gun violence on communities across the countries. One night, her sadness transformed to rage, and her life was changed after a Facebook post kicked off what would become Moms Demand Action, a movement of Americans fighting for public safety measures that can protect people from gun violence. They work to pass stronger gun laws and work to close the loopholes that jeopardize the safety of families and communities. They know that gun violence is preventable, and they are committed to doing what it takes to keep families safe. Shannon has been named one of TIME’s 100 Most Influential People, a Forbes 50 over 50 Changemaker, and a Glamour Woman of the Year. She’s also someone who went through an extraordinary transformation, and this is the focus of her and Dr. Alexandra’s conversation, and of her new book, Fired Up: How to Turn Your Spark into a Flame and Come Alive at Any Age. Shannon empowers folks to break free from limits, trust their instincts, and lead with passion to create meaningful change. Shannon and Dr. Alexandra talk about activism and the way it impacts relationships, particularly marriage, and Shannon shares how her own marriage evolved as she went through this incredible unfolding.
"Your Anxiety Toolkit" on MasterClass: www.masterclass.com/youranxietytoolkit
Fired Up How to Turn Your Spark into a Flame and Come Alive at Any Age by Shannon Watts
Order Dr. Alexandra’s book, Love Every Day
Subscribe to Dr. Alexandra’s Newsletter
The Journey of Raising a Disabled Child: Cultivating Community and Self-Compassion with Amanda Griffith-Atkins
We are all connected to folks with disabilities, whether they’re part of our inner circle, or members of our broader community. Unfortunately, there’s a great deal of stigmatization, misunderstanding, and judgement that crops up around disabled folks and their families. Parents of disabled children are traveling on a different path than other parents, and often need more support, but the people around them don’t always know how to provide it. Therapist Amanda Griffith-Atkins joins Dr. Alexandra on this episode to offer guidance to those parents, as well as the people around them. When Amanda’s son Asher was born, she discovered her life's purpose: to help parents of children with disabilities find their stride. She has become a leading expert in helping parents of kids with special needs navigate their emotions, relationships, and parenting, and her book, How to Handle More Than You Can Handle: Caring for Yourself While Raising a Disabled Child, is out in the world today. Amanda and Dr. Alexandra discuss parenting as well as the experience of partners who are raising a disabled child together and what this journey can bring up for couples. There’s so much goodness in this conversation for everyone, whether this is a new topic for you or one that’s near and dear to your heart.
"Your Anxiety Toolkit" on MasterClass: www.masterclass.com/youranxietytoolkit
Order Dr. Alexandra’s book, Love Every Day
Got4titude, support and resources for fathers raising children with disabilities
Subscribe to Dr. Alexandra’s Newsletter
Mailbag Episode! Part One
Throughout the summer, Dr. Alexandra will be answering listener questions through Mailbag Episodes. Today’s questions include a query from a listener in Los Angeles who is struggling with her feelings about a choice the guy she’s seeing has made, and isn’t sure how to proceed after a tricky conversation. Next, you’ll hear from Marina in London, who wants some extra support in the aftermath of infidelity. She’s curious about post-traumatic growth and what might be possible for her. Dr. Alexandra wraps things up with a question from a listener in New York, whose boyfriend of over a decade is ambivalent about the relationship and blowing hot and cold. Should she cut loose or stick it out until he makes up his mind? Listen to hear Dr. Alexandra’s takes on all of these relationship situations.
If you want to submit your own question, click the link below. You may just get yours answered on an upcoming mailbag episode this summer!
"Your Anxiety Toolkit" on MasterClass: www.masterclass.com/youranxietytoolkit
Order Dr. Alexandra’s book, Love Every Day
Subscribe to Dr. Alexandra’s Newsletter
The Four Types of Connection: Unlocking What Really Matters in Life with Dr. Adam Dorsay
Connection, both with others and with oneself, really is the answer to so many of life’s woes. We know that investing in our relationships helps us become happier, healthier, and more fulfilled. Dr. Adam Dorsay, author of the book Super Psyched: Unleash the Power of the 4 Types of Connection and Live the Life You Love, walks us through this straightforward but vital idea in this episode: that the antidote to the uniquely modern angst so much of us experience today is connection. Sounds simple, right? Well, not always, when there are so many pulls on our attention and shiny goals to strive towards. Dr. Alexandra talks with Dr. Adam about how connection isn’t just about spending time with others, but so much more than that—an emotional state of aliveness and vitality. Dr. Adam Dorsay is a licensed psychologist and executive coach in Silicon Valley, where he works with high-achieving adults. He is also a resiliency expert and co-creator of an international program for Facebook’s Online Safety employees. In this episode, you’ll learn why so many high-achieving folks feel unfulfilled, even when they seem to have everything at their fingertips. You’ll also get pointers from Dr. Alexandra and Dr. Adam about how to prioritize connection in your life, which will lead to more happiness, stability, and gratitude.
"Your Anxiety Toolkit" on MasterClass: www.masterclass.com/youranxietytoolkit
Super Psyched: Unleash the Power of the 4 Types of Connection and Live the Life You Love by Dr. Adam Dorsay
Dr. Adam’s podcast, SuperPsyched
Dr. Adam’s Tedx Talks: Friendships in Adulthood: 5 Things to Know | Emotions: The Data Men Miss
Order Dr. Alexandra’s book, Love Every Day
Subscribe to Dr. Alexandra’s Newsletter