Midlife Transitions: How to Lean in Rather than Resist the ‘Messy Middle’ with Chip Conley
When it comes to life stages, “midlife” often gets the short end of the stick. We speak about adolescence and retirement as vistas rich with opportunity and possibility while we joke about midlife and its related crises. However, when we adopt an affectionate perspective, opportunity and joy prove to be just as possible in this “messy middle” stage.
Many transitions take place over the decades following age 50. These milestones are no less impactful than those we celebrate, such as graduation and marriage, and yet most of us lack rituals to mark these evolutions and help us build communities of support in this time of great potential.
Chip Conley was a disruptive force in the hospitality industry for decades. In 2018, he combined his experiences mentoring at Airbnb with his own midlife transition to launch the Modern Elder Academy (MEA). Today, the world's first “midlife wisdom school” offers luxurious, personal growth retreats in Baja California and New Mexico. Chip is also the author of seven books, including his most recent, Learning to Love Midlife.
In December 2024, Dr. Alexandra will be at the Santa Fe ranch location of MEA leading a 5-day retreat for couples centered on healing the past, deepening connection, and creating a relational vision for the future. You can attend with your partner or on your own. To learn more about the retreat, Loving You Without Losing Me: A Retreat for Couples, visit the website and schedule a free consultation call with the MEA admissions team.
Whether you are approaching midlife, are in the midst of it, or if midlife is in your rearview mirror, Chip’s affectionate and curious approach to this often overlooked and undervalued stage will illuminate new outlooks and possibilities for how we lean into life’s transitions.
Relevant Links:
- Read Chip’s latest book Learning to Love Midlife
- Learn more about Chip and get his free Anatomy of a Transition resource on his website
- Learn more about Dr. Alexandra’s December 2024 retreat at MEA
- Order Dr. Alexandra's new book, Love Every Day
- Subscribe to Dr. Alexandra’s Newsletter
Ditch the “Shoulds”: How Feminism Improves Your Love Life with Kara Loewentheil
Research shows that gender socialization plays out most rigidly in our intimate relationships. How do we learn to separate our thoughts and actions from our socialization? In this episode, podcaster, author, and feminist coach Kara Loewentheil joins Dr. Alexandra for an expansive conversation that confronts the ways in which patriarchy influences our thoughts, beliefs, and actions.
Relevant links:
Take Back Your Brain: How a Sexist Society Gets in Your Head--And How to Get It Out a New York Times Bestseller by Kara Loewentheil
Listen to the Unf*ck Your Brain Podcast
Order Dr. Alexandra's new book, Love Every Day
Subscribe to Dr. Alexandra’s Newsletter
Join Dr. Alexandra's five-day retreat with the Modern Elder Academy — Get 10% off with code 'GF10'
Try Kion Aminos risk-free for 60-days with a money-back guarantee. Get 20% off at https://www.getkion.com/OSLP with the discount code OSLP.
Modern Masculinity: From Toxic to Communicative with Dr. Ish Major
Dr. Ish Major joins Reimagining Love for a frank and honest conversation about modern masculinity and the communication gap across genders. Together, they discuss what is often missing from communication in relationships, what masculinity means in our modern era, and how truth is the antidote to toxic masculinity.
Relevant links:
Connect with Dr. Ish online and on Instagram
Watch Counsel Culture with Nick Cannon
Reimagining Love Episode: “Come Together: Cultivating Sexual Connection in Long-term Relationships with Emily Nagoski”
Order Dr. Alexandra's new book, Love Every Day
Subscribe to Dr. Alexandra’s Newsletter
Rewrite Your Story: Healing from Trauma with Dr. Frank Anderson
Dr. Frank Anderson is a world-renowned trauma expert and author who has dedicated his career to teaching therapists how to help patients work through trauma. Now, in his immensely personal memoir, To Be Loved, Dr. Frank shares his own story of overcoming trauma. In this conversation, Dr. Frank weaves his clinical knowledge with personal experiences to shine a light on how when we unburden ourselves from the past, we can stop replicating old stories and access our truest selves.
Relevant links:
To Be Loved: A Story of Truth, Trauma, and Transformation by Dr. Frank Anderson
Connect with Dr. Anderson online and on Instagram
Learn more about the Trauma Institute and Trauma-Informed Media.
The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma by Bessel van der Kolk
Order Dr. Alexandra's new book, Love Every Day
Subscribe to Dr. Alexandra’s Newsletter
Join Dr. Alexandra's five-day retreat with the MEA - Get 10% off with code 'GF10'
Strategies for a Thriving Long-Distance Relationship (Re-Release)
Long-distance relationships are no walk in the park, but that doesn't mean they can't thrive. In this re-release of a foundational episode, Dr. Alexandra tackles this topic, sharing tools and tips for couples. If you and your partner live in different time zones, are pros at FaceTime dates, and are constantly asking, "when's our next visit?", this episode is for you.
Relevant links:
Access the Long-Distance Relationships Worksheet Here
Order Dr. Alexandra's new book, Love Every Day
Subscribe to Dr. Alexandra’s Newsletter
Take Dr. Alexandra's "Relationship Superpower" Quiz
Join Dr. Alexandra's five-day retreat with the Modern Elder Academy - Get 10% off with code 'GF10'
Money & Marriage: When One Likes to Spend and One Likes to Save with Dr. Scott Rick
What happens in a marriage when one partner likes to save money and one likes to spend it? According to Dr. Scott Rick’s research, when it comes to money, opposites do attract. Dr. Rick joins Dr. Alexandra to explain how our psychology shapes how we handle money and how the choices we make around money impact our relationships.
Relevant links:
Tightwads and Spendthrifts: Navigating the Money Minefield in Real Relationships by Dr. Scott Rick
Engage with Dr. Rick’s research and connect with him on Instagram and Twitter
Order Dr. Alexandra's new book, Love Every Day
Subscribe to Dr. Alexandra’s Newsletter
"I Need Connection & My Partner Needs Space. Now What?"
In this solo episode, Dr. Alexandra examines a central tension in all relationships: the need for space versus togetherness. If you often find yourself wanting more connection, are you needy? If you typically need more space, are you avoidant? Here, Dr. Alexandra encourages us to ditch the labels and pathology, and instead acknowledge that both space and connection are fundamental needs in an intimate relationship. To help you navigate this, Dr. Alexandra shines a light on the meaning we assign to our orientations around space and shares strategies to help you and your partner create agreements that maximize connection and minimize resentment.
Relevant links:
Access this episode's companion worksheet here
Mating in Captivity: Unlocking Erotic Intelligence by Esther Perel
Reimagining Love Episode: "Let's Talk About 'Sleep Divorces'"
Hermeneutic Labor: The Gendered Burden of Interpretation in Intimate Relationships between Women and Men by Ellie Anderson
Order Dr. Alexandra's new book, Love Every Day
Subscribe to Dr. Alexandra’s Newsletter
Open Marriage: Lessons from Non-Monogamy & Motherhood with Molly Roden Winter
Author Molly Roden Winter joins Reimagining Love to share her story of opening up her marriage as a happily married mother and the hard-earned and profound truths she learned along the way. For Molly, her journey of non-monogamy opened her up to more: more choice and self-discovery, and feeling more than her roles as a mother and wife.
Relevant links:
More: A Memoir of Open Marriage by Molly Roden Winter
New York Magazine's "A Practical Guide to Modern Polyamory"
Order Dr. Alexandra's new book, Love Every Day
Subscribe to Dr. Alexandra’s Newsletter
Liberated Love: From Codependency to Relational Safety with Mark Groves & Kylie McBeath
Mark Groves and Kylie McBeath join Reimagining Love to share the story of their relationship—the story that inspired their new book, Liberated Love: Release Codependent Patterns and Create the Love You Desire. In this conversation, they get vulnerable about how they moved from breaking up to fostering breakthroughs; a journey they nurtured through what they call 'a sacred pause.' In the sacred pause, they identified the patterns that blocked their ability to find authentic love so that they could build a new relationship rooted in safety and interdependence.
Relevant links:
Liberated Love: Release Codependent Patterns and Create the Love You Desire by Mark Groves and Kylie McBeath
After purchasing Liberated Love, access the PDF Workbook and free Meditation
Order Dr. Alexandra's new book, Love Every Day
Subscribe to Dr. Alexandra’s Newsletter
When You're the Affair Partner
Throughout her decades as a therapist, Dr. Alexandra has helped many people navigate being "the affair partner." Participating in infidelity creates an intoxicating yet profoundly confusing blend of emotions and experiences. In this episode, Dr. Alexandra examines the psychology of this role and offers a compassionate look into the surrounding context: the thrills, secret benefits, sources of shame, and potential origin stories embedded within this controversial role.
Relevant links:
"Taking Sexy Back" by Dr. Alexandra Solomon
Facebook Group: Esther Perel Discussion Group
Reimagining Love episode: "Guidance for the Newly Single"
Order Dr. Alexandra’s new book, Love Every Day
Subscribe to Dr. Alexandra’s Newsletter
When Shame Blocks Repair
In this solo episode, Dr. Alexandra confronts a common roadblock to repair: shame. Often, in the wake of relational harm, feelings of shame secretly run the show, causing you to get combative and defensive or freeze, flee, or fawn in essential moments. Dr. Alexandra provides strategies for moving from shame into action—so that you can make yourself available for repair—and gives tangible tips for how to make a heartfelt and effective apology.
Relevant links:
Access this episode's companion worksheet here
Reimagining Love episode: "Why Can't I Get Over It?"
Dr. Alexandra's e-course: Can I Trust You Again? Rebuilding after Betrayal or Deceit
Brené Brown's TED Talk: Listening to Shame
Building Self-Esteem: How Learning from Shame Helps Us to Grow by Joseph Burgo
Order Dr. Alexandra’s new book, Love Every Day
Subscribe to Dr. Alexandra’s Newsletter
Conscious Uncoupling: Divorce as an Ending, Not a Failure with Katherine Woodward Thomas
Ten years after "conscious uncoupling" first entered the public lexicon, Katherine Woodward Thomas joins Reimagining Love to discuss her powerful rebrand of what's possible after a breakup or divorce. Through sharing her story and dissecting the cultural myths that cause us to view divorce as a failure, Katherine encourages us to bring a sense of generosity and intentionality to the process so that we can transform our relationships with our former partner, ourselves, and our futures.
Relevant links:
Conscious Uncoupling: 5 Steps to Living Happily Even After by Katherine Woodward Thomas
Calling in the One: 7 Weeks to Attract the Love of Your Life (Revised) by Katherine Woodward Thomas
Connect with Katherine online and on Instagram
Marriage, a History: How Love Conquered Marriage by Stephanie Coontz
The Good Divorce by Constance Ahrons
Uncoupling: Turning Points in Intimate Relationships by Diane Vaughan
Order Dr. Alexandra's new book, Love Every Day
Subscribe to Dr. Alexandra’s Newsletter
Secure Attachments: The Felt Sense of Love with Julie Menanno
What does it feel like to be in a securely attached relationship? Renowned relationship expert and therapist Julie Menanno joins Reimagining Love to illuminate what we can learn from examining secure attachments. Together with Dr. Alexandra, Julie help anxious and avoidant partners understand each other by guiding us through how different attachment styles show up in tender moments. Ultimately, Julie reminds us that the purpose of attachment work is to help us heal from our past unmet needs so that we can form secure attachments today.
Relevant links:
Secure Love: Create a Relationship That Lasts a Lifetime by Julie Menanno
Connect with Julie online and on Instagram
Order Dr. Alexandra's new book, Love Every Day
Subscribe to Dr. Alexandra’s Newsletter
"Why Can't I Get Over It?"
Deceit, infidelity, and betrayal profoundly shake our inner worlds. If you're struggling to heal from relational harm, you may be endlessly ruminating on the past and wondering why you can't just let it go. In this episode, Dr. Alexandra breaks down the process of forgiveness and provides seven reasons why you can’t get over it.
Relevant links:
Access this episode's companion worksheet here
Dr. Alexandra's e-course: Can I Trust You Again? Rebuilding after Betrayal or Deceit
Reimagining Love episode: "Tending to "Little You" & Exploring Your Family of Origin"
Taking Sexy Back: How to Own Your Sexuality and Create the Relationships You Want by Dr. Alexandra Solomon
Subscribe to Dr. Alexandra’s Newsletter
Trauma Bonds: Healing from Unhealthy Relationship Dynamics with Dr. Laura Copley
What are trauma bonds and how can we heal from them? Dr. Laura Copley joins the podcast to dive into the sticky dynamics of unhealthy, trauma-bonded relationships. Drawing from personal experiences and her work as a relationship trauma expert, Dr. Laura gives us insight into what she calls "the hero's journey" — a transformative path towards recognizing our origin stories, attachment wounds, and current relationship dynamics so that we can transcend our trauma and form authentic connections.
Relevant links:
Loving You Is Hurting Me: A New Approach to Healing Trauma Bonds and Creating Authentic Connection by Dr. Laura Copley
Learn more about Dr. Laura's work online and on Instagram
Order Dr. Alexandra's new book, Love Every Day
Subscribe to Dr. Alexandra’s Newsletter
Love By Design: Why Couples Succeed with Dr. Sara Nasserzadeh
Dr. Sara Nasserzadeh returns to Reimagining Love to share her research on the six ingredients that help love bloom into a thriving relationship. In this conversation, Dr. Sara encourages us to move beyond our culture's myth of finding a perfect mate and instead, focus on creating something special together.
Relevant links:
Love by Design: 6 Ingredients to Build a Lifetime of Love by Dr. Sara Nasserzadeh
Use code "Reimagine" for 10% off Dr. Sara's Relationship Panoramic Inventory (Valid until 2/29/24)
Learn more about Dr. Sara Nasserzadeh
Order Dr. Alexandra's new book, Love Every Day
Subscribe to Dr. Alexandra’s Newsletter
Come Together: Cultivating Sexual Connection in Long-term Relationships with Dr. Emily Nagoski
Emily Nagoski joins Reimagining Love for a vulnerable and expansive conversation about nurturing lasting sexual connections in long-term partnerships. As an award-winning sex educator and author, Emily combines groundbreaking research, sex education, and stress education to expand our ideas about women's sexuality. In her new book, Come Together, Emily explores how long-term couples maintain sexual connection over time. Together, Emily and Dr. Alexandra uncover the importance of moving away from the "shoulds" in our sex lives and towards discovering more confidence and joy with our partners.
Relevant links:
Come Together: The Science (and Art!) of Creating Lasting Sexual Connections by Emily Nagoski
Dates for Emily's upcoming book tour
Learn more about Emily's work online and on Instagram
Order Dr. Alexandra's new book, Love Every Day
Subscribe to Dr. Alexandra’s Newsletter
The D Word: An Empowering Approach to Divorce with Kate Anthony
Renowned divorce coach Kate Anthony sits down with Dr. Alexandra to offer us an empowering approach to divorce that centers accountability and integrity. Sharing wisdom from her own divorce, Kate guides Dr. Alexandra through the experience, from exploring what is embedded within the question ‘should I stay or should I go?’ to all the tricky things that emerge in the aftermath of a separation: parenting decisions, the gender dynamics of divorce, and the heaps of unsolicited advice that’s coming your way.
Relevant links:
The D Word: Making the Ultimate Decision about Your Marriage by Kate Anthony
Listen to The Divorce Survival Guide Podcast
Explore Kate's program Should I Stay or Should I Go?
Order Dr. Alexandra's new book, Love Every Day
Subscribe to Dr. Alexandra’s Newsletter
Reflect With Me: Checking In With Ourselves and Our Relationships in the New Year
In this special mini-solo episode, Dr. Alexandra invites you to join her as she reflects on 2023 and moves into the new year with intentionality. Sharing her perspective on resolutions, Dr. Alexandra encourages listeners to navigate this time with self-compassion and gentleness. Then, Dr. Alexandra guides listeners through two exercises designed to reflect on the lessons and challenges of the past year and find optimism for this upcoming year.
To find this episode's accompanying worksheet, visit:
Order Dr. Alexandra's new book, Love Every Day:
https://bookshop.org/p/books/love-every-day-365-relational-self-awareness-practices-to-help-your-relationship-heal-grow-and-thrive-alexandra-solomon/19970421?ean=9781683736530
Subscribe to Dr. Alexandra’s Newsletter:
https://dralexandrasolomon.com/subscribe/
Submit your question to Dr. Alexandra:
"My Partner’s Unhealthy Habit is Driving Me Crazy!" (Part Two)
Whether it's smoking, indulging in less-than-ideal meals or not hitting the gym as often as we desire, it's easy to take our partner's unhealthy habit personally. If you're struggling to cope with a partner's habit, Dr. Alexandra is here to help. In the second episode of this two-part series, Dr. Alexandra introduces the idea of a 'Health Habit Discrepancy' and encourages you to get curious about why you and your partner might think differently about health habits. Then, Dr. Alexandra speaks to both partners, providing guidance on how to navigate this conversation with sensitivity and understanding.
Listen to Part One of this series:
https://pod.link/1588419386/episode/dd33d984d5286c48565c965b7487f1ec
To find the accompanying worksheet, sign up for Dr. Alexandra's weekly newsletter:
https://dralexandrasolomon.com/subscribe/
HOLIDAY SALE: This year, give the gift of Relational Self-Awareness — View Dr. Alexandra's Holiday Gift Guide and get 20% off all online offerings when you give them to a loved one. This discount is valid worldwide until 11:59 CT December 20th:
https://dralexandrasolomon.com/giftguide2023
Order Dr. Alexandra's new book, Love Every Day:
https://bookshop.org/p/books/love-every-day-365-relational-self-awareness-practices-to-help-your-relationship-heal-grow-and-thrive-alexandra-solomon/19970421?ean=9781683736530
Submit your question to Dr. Alexandra: