The Four Types of Connection: Unlocking What Really Matters in Life with Dr. Adam Dorsay
Connection, both with others and with oneself, really is the answer to so many of life’s woes. We know that investing in our relationships helps us become happier, healthier, and more fulfilled. Dr. Adam Dorsay, author of the book Super Psyched: Unleash the Power of the 4 Types of Connection and Live the Life You Love, walks us through this straightforward but vital idea in this episode: that the antidote to the uniquely modern angst so much of us experience today is connection. Sounds simple, right? Well, not always, when there are so many pulls on our attention and shiny goals to strive towards. Dr. Alexandra talks with Dr. Adam about how connection isn’t just about spending time with others, but so much more than that—an emotional state of aliveness and vitality. Dr. Adam Dorsay is a licensed psychologist and executive coach in Silicon Valley, where he works with high-achieving adults. He is also a resiliency expert and co-creator of an international program for Facebook’s Online Safety employees. In this episode, you’ll learn why so many high-achieving folks feel unfulfilled, even when they seem to have everything at their fingertips. You’ll also get pointers from Dr. Alexandra and Dr. Adam about how to prioritize connection in your life, which will lead to more happiness, stability, and gratitude.
"Your Anxiety Toolkit" on MasterClass: www.masterclass.com/youranxietytoolkit
Super Psyched: Unleash the Power of the 4 Types of Connection and Live the Life You Love by Dr. Adam Dorsay
Dr. Adam’s podcast, SuperPsyched
Dr. Adam’s Tedx Talks: Friendships in Adulthood: 5 Things to Know | Emotions: The Data Men Miss
Order Dr. Alexandra’s book, Love Every Day
Subscribe to Dr. Alexandra’s Newsletter
Can You Have an Amazing Career AND an Amazing Relationship?
Few topics are more relevant to our day-to-day lives than work. For many of us, our jobs are more than just occupations—they’re where we achieve goals, make meaning, experience successes and failures, and cultivate our self-esteem. So, when work and love collide, we find ourselves at a rich intersection of emotions, expectations, and needs. In this episode, Dr. Alexandra uncovers why fighting with your partner about work is never just that, and shares tools you can use to cultivate intimacy and ambition simultaneously. You’ll learn about what Dr. Alexandra calls “the Work-Love Matrix,” understand the connections between your experience in the workplace and your experience growing up in your Family-of-Origin, and hear a five-step practice you can use today to have more supportive conversations about work with your partner.
Relevant links:
Further Listening: Is Work Stress Taking a Toll on Your Relationship? (Reimagining Love)
Order Dr. Alexandra’s book, Love Every Day
Subscribe to Dr. Alexandra’s Newsletter
Is There an “Effort Mismatch” in Your Relationship?
When two partners have a major difference between them, it can kick up a lot of dust in a relationship. One of the most common is what Dr. Alexandra calls “The Effort Mismatch”: while one partner tends to scan the relationship for problems and is always on the lookout for growth opportunities (The Change Partner), the other partner holds steady, generally accepting the relationship for what it is today (The Acceptance Partner). The good news is, when both partners understand and value their differences, this contrast between them can be a huge asset to their relationship. However, most couples with an Effort Mismatch struggle to reckon with this discrepancy, digging their heels into their side of the dynamic or wishing their partner would magically change. In this episode, Dr. Alexandra explores the internal and relational experience of each of these two types of partners, shares tailored reminders and guidance for each of them, and explains how this difference can actually be extremely complementary, even as it poses challenges for a couple.
Relevant links:
Order Dr. Alexandra’s book, Love Every Day
Subscribe to Dr. Alexandra’s Newsletter
How to Love Better: Cultivating Growth, Kindness, and Compassion with Yung Pueblo
You likely know today’s guest, Diego Perez, by his pen name: Yung Pueblo. He has an online audience of over 4 million people and is a New York Times bestselling author, whose books have been translated into over 25 languages. Diego’s work focuses on the power of self-healing, creating healthy relationships, and cultivating self-awareness, and his meditation practice is central to all that he shares with the world. He and Dr. Alexandra discuss all of that in this conversation, as they dig into the lessons and reflections he’s woven together in his new book, How to Love Better: The Path to Deeper Connection Through Growth, Kindness, and Compassion. They dive into what it means to argue and disagree peacefully with a partner, the power of meditation, and why it’s important to work with the universe, not against it. Diego also opens up about his own love story with his wife, Sarah. They wrap things up by exploring a question together from a listener in Chicago who is feeling doubts in her relationship and isn’t sure about the way forward.
Relevant links:
How to Love Better: The Path to Deeper Connection Through Growth, Kindness, and Compassion by Yung Pueblo
Diego’s Instagram @yung_pueblo
Diego’s website
Order Dr. Alexandra’s book, Love Every Day
Subscribe to Dr. Alexandra’s Newsletter
Family of Origin Roles Series: The Rebel (From Critical to Curious)
Today’s episode is part of a solo series on Reimagining Love about Family of Origin Roles (a.k.a. FOO roles). Tune in on the first two Tuesdays of each month to learn about how the roles we were cast into as children and held within our family systems shape how we show up in our relationships today. Whether you were the one who held the family together, the rebel who pushed back against household norms, or the “easy” kid who flew under the radar, we all inhabited a position in the community of our family and absorbed certain messages about love, connection, and worthiness as a result. Check out the introductory episode of the series if you missed it! All previous role-specific episodes are also linked here: The Perfect One (From Performance to Presence), The Easy One (From Accommodation to Authenticity), The Struggling One (From Scapegoat to Self-Advocate), The Peacemaker (From Referee to Realist).
We’re taking a look at “The Rebel” role in today’s episode. Some family systems are well-equipped to handle disagreement, debate, and resistance. But when a family is under pressure in any way, a child who questions or challenges the system is going to be seen as a threat. While the Rebel may cling to their strong opinions and double down on their critical stance, feelings of fear, isolation, and anxiety may occur and continue into adulthood, especially around conformity and authority. Does this sound like you, or someone you love? Listen to the episode to learn more about this role and how The Rebel can break free from old stories that their only path to safety was to push back and choose the path of opposition.
Relevant links:
Get the FREE Family of Origin Roles Workbook: Reclaiming You
Reimagining Love episode: “People-Pleasing vs. Brutal Honesty: When & How to Share Feedback with Your Partner”
Reimagining Love episode: “When Having ‘No Filter’ Hurts a Relationship”
Past episodes of the Family of Origin Roles Series: Introductory Episode, The Perfect One (From Performance to Presence), The Easy One (From Accommodation to Authenticity), The Struggling One (From Scapegoat to Self-Advocate), The Peacemaker (From Referee to Realist)
Take the Family of Origin Roles Quiz
Reimagining Love: “Tending to ‘Little You’ & Exploring Your Family of Origin”
Order Dr. Alexandra’s book, Love Every Day
Subscribe to Dr. Alexandra’s Newsletter
Family of Origin Roles Series: The Parentified Child (From Confidant to Consultant)
Today’s episode is part of a solo series on Reimagining Love about Family of Origin Roles (a.k.a. FOO roles). Tune in on the first two Tuesdays of each month to learn about how the roles we were cast into as children and held within our family systems shape how we show up in our relationships today. Whether you were the one who held the family together, the rebel who pushed back against household norms, or the “easy” kid who flew under the radar, we all inhabited a position in the community of our family and absorbed certain messages about love, connection, and worthiness as a result. Check out the introductory episode of the series if you missed it! All previous role-specific episodes are also linked here: The Perfect One (From Performance to Presence), The Easy One (From Accommodation to Authenticity), The Struggling One (From Scapegoat to Self-Advocate), The Peacemaker (From Referee to Realist).
We’re taking a look at “The Parentified Child” role in today’s episode. The child cast into this role likely heard that they were “so mature,” “wise beyond their years,” or were praised for their comforting presence when they were growing up. The problem? Kids shouldn’t have to provide emotional support to the adults in their family. Unfortunately for the Parentified Child, this felt like the surest route to safety and love, perhaps due to a chaotic environment, overwhelmed parents, or conflict in the family system. As an adult, the Parentified Child carries with them a certain set of beliefs and tendencies that they picked up as a kid in this role. Does this sound like you, or someone you love? Listen to the episode to learn more about this role and how The Parentified Child can free themselves from always taking on others’ needs and create more egalitarian relationships that feel safe and nourishing.
Relevant links:
Get the FREE Family of Origin Roles Workbook: Reclaiming You
Reimagining Love episode with Dr. Hillary McBride: Getting Present: Tuning Into Your Body with Dr. Hillary McBride
Reimagining Love series: “I Love My Partner, But Their Family is Toxic”: Part 1, Part 2
Girlhood Interrupted: The Erasure of Black Girls' Childhood (Rebecca Epstein, Jamilia J. Blake, Thalia González, from the Center on Poverty and Inequality, Georgetown Law)
Past episodes of the Family of Origin Roles Series: Introductory Episode, The Perfect One (From Performance to Presence), The Easy One (From Accommodation to Authenticity), The Struggling One (From Scapegoat to Self-Advocate), The Peacemaker (From Referee to Realist)
Take the Family of Origin Roles Quiz
Reimagining Love: “Tending to ‘Little You’ & Exploring Your Family of Origin”
Order Dr. Alexandra’s book, Love Every Day
Subscribe to Dr. Alexandra’s Newsletter
Exploring Attachment: Transform Your Relationship Patterns with Thais Gibson
On today’s episode, we’re diving deep into the topic of attachment with guest Thais Gibson, an author, counselor, and the co-founder of The Personal Development School. While the discourse around attachment so often focuses on identifying what’s “wrong” with us, in this conversation, Dr. Alexandra and Thais explore how understanding and investigating our attachment style can create fertile ground for us to change the way we show up in relationships and break frustrating patterns. Our attachment style is not our destiny, and when we begin to understand the roots of this subconscious programming, we have the opportunity to reprogram ourselves for better and more fulfilling relationships. This episode will give you the tools and insights to start down that path and think more expansively about attachment.
Thais’s Instagram, The Personal Development School
Order Dr. Alexandra’s book, Love Every Day
Subscribe to Dr. Alexandra’s Newsletter
Your Best Relationship Begins with You: Nine Truths About Love & Self-Acceptance with Jillian Turecki
Today’s guest is Jillian Turecki, a certified relationship coach, teacher, author of the new book It Begins With You: The 9 Hard Truths About Love That Will Change Your Life, and host of the podcast, Jillian On Love. You’ve likely seen her wise and straightforward videos that get right to the heart of our most pressing dating and relationship questions. She’s helped thousands through her teachings, courses, writing, and her popular social media accounts to revolutionize their relationship with themselves so that they can transform their romantic relationships.
One of the central tenets of Jillian’s work is the idea that the common denominator in all your relationships is you. A lot of us know in our bones that creating safety inside ourselves is the key to healthy relationships with others—but we don’t always know how to do this or where to start. Jillian and Dr. Alexandra also discuss estrangement and navigating complex relationships with family members. Tune in to today’s episode to hear all of Jillian’s wisdom!
Relevant links:
It Begins with You: The 9 Hard Truths about Love That Will Change Your Life by Jillian Turecki
Order Dr. Alexandra’s book, Love Every Day
Subscribe to Dr. Alexandra’s Newsletter
Family of Origin Roles Series: The Peacemaker (From Referee to Realist)
Today’s episode is part of a solo series on Reimagining Love about Family of Origin Roles (a.k.a. FOO roles). Tune in on the first two Tuesdays of each month to learn about how the roles we were cast into as children and held within our family systems shape how we show up in our relationships today. Whether you were the one who held the family together, the rebel who pushed back against household norms, or the “easy” kid who flew under the radar, we all inhabited a position in the community of our family and absorbed certain messages about love, connection, and worthiness as a result. Check out the introductory episode of the series if you missed it!
We’re taking a look at “The Peacemaker” role in today’s episode. All families have conflict, and it’s common for one child in the family to play a referee or mediator role, either through intervention or more subtler peacemaking strategies, such as comic relief. As adults, Peacemakers likely find themselves between friends and family members when there are tensions and may struggle to extract themselves from these dynamics. Does this sound like you, or someone you love? Listen to the episode to learn more about this role and how The Peacemaker can embark on their healing journey.
Relevant links:
Get the FREE Family of Origin Roles Workbook: Reclaiming You
Reimagining Love: Disrupting the Underfunctioning/Overfunctioning Dynamic
Take the Family of Origin Roles Quiz
Reimagining Love: “Tending to ‘Little You’ & Exploring Your Family of Origin”
Dr. Alexandra’s Psychotherapy Networker Article
Order Dr. Alexandra’s book, Love Every Day
Subscribe to Dr. Alexandra’s Newsletter
Family of Origin Roles Series: The Struggling One (From Scapegoat to Self-Advocate)
Today’s episode is part of a solo series on Reimagining Love about Family of Origin Roles (a.k.a. FOO roles). Tune in on the first two Tuesdays of each month to learn about how the roles we were cast into as children and held within our family systems shape how we show up in our relationships today. Whether you were the one who held the family together, the rebel who pushed back against household norms, or the “easy” kid who flew under the radar, we all inhabited a position in the community of our family and absorbed certain messages about love, connection, and worthiness as a result. Check out the introductory episode of the series if you missed it!
We’re taking a look at “The Struggling One” role in today’s episode. In some families, there is an individual who needs more care and attention than others. There are a number of reasons why this might be the case, including a difference in ability, a behavioral challenge, or a mental health condition. In any case, the “struggling one” is the recipient of a lot of the family system’s energy, and this dynamic may lead to certain challenges and strengths for that person in adulthood. Does this sound like you, or someone you love? Listen to the episode to learn more about this role and how The Struggling One can embark on their healing journey.
Relevant links:
Get the FREE Family of Origin Roles Workbook: Reclaiming You
Minorities Less Likely to Be Identified for Special Education, Study Finds (EducationWeek)
‘Boys are disappearing’ from mental health care as signs of depression go undetected (NBC News)
Girls With Social and/or Attention Deficit Re-Examined in Young Adulthood: Prospective Study of Diagnostic Stability, Daily Life Functioning and Social Situation (National Library of Medicine)
The "Spoon Theory" (Christine Miserandino, www.butyoudontlooksick.com)
Take the Family of Origin Roles Quiz
Reimagining Love: “Tending to ‘Little You’ & Exploring Your Family of Origin”
Dr. Alexandra’s Psychotherapy Networker Article
Order Dr. Alexandra’s book, Love Every Day
Subscribe to Dr. Alexandra’s Newsletter
Bedroom Conversations: Why Great Sex Starts With Great Communication with Vanessa & Xander Marin
On today’s episode of Reimagining Love, Vanessa & Xander Marin join Dr. Alexandra for a frank and compassionate conversation about sex—specifically, sex in long-term relationships. It’s normal for couples to fall into a rut in the bedroom, ranging from sex feeling kind of “meh,” to long periods without any intimacy at all. These ebbs and flows are part of being in a long-term relationship or marriage, and the good news is, there are actions you can take to chart a new course with your partner and to get excited about each other again. Vanessa and Xander are a couple who have been creating that very roadmap for folks, through their amazing online courses, their podcast, Pillow Talks, and their New York Times-bestselling book, Sex Talks: The Five Conversations That Will Transform Your Love Life. Vanessa is a sex therapist with 20 years of experience who has been featured in outlets like O, The Oprah Magazine, Harper’s Bazaar, Vogue, and Goop, and she has written for The New York Times, Allure, and Lifehacker. And Xander? Well, he is a “regular dude” who left his corporate job to join Vanessa in this work. Together they blend clinical wisdom, humor, openness, and their own personal stories to normalize talking about our sex lives and to offer techniques for improving yours. You are going to hear about their personal experience with couple therapy and how they landed on the agreement, “If it matters to one of us, it matters to both of us.” They share so many juicy insights about sex, from desire discrepancy to initiation to their amazing acronym “P.L.E.A.S.E.,” which you’ll learn in this conversation. This episode will give you the confidence to shift the way you and your partner talk about sex and couple therapy, as well as anything else you might be stuck on.
Relevant Links:
Sex Talks: The Five Conversations That Will Transform Your Love Life by Vanessa & Xander Marin
Vanessa & Xander’s website: https://vmtherapy.com/https://vmtherapy.com/
Vanessa & Xander’s courses & challenges: https://vmtherapy.com/holiday-gift-guide-2024
Vanessa & Xander’s podcast, Pillow Talks: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/pillow-talks/id1569466131
Order Dr. Alexandra’s book, Love Every Day
Subscribe to Dr. Alexandra’s Newsletter
Give the gift of Relational Self-Awareness! All of Dr. Alexandra's online offerings are 20% off until December 20th, 2024! They include the hallmark course "Intimate Relationships 101" and the Reimagining Love Workbook as a beautiful companion to this podcast. Visit https://dralexandrasolomon.com/giftguide2024/ to explore Relational Self-Awareness as you and your loved ones move into the new year.
Family of Origin Roles Series: The Easy One (From Accommodation to Authenticity)
Today’s episode is part of a solo series on Reimagining Love about Family of Origin Roles (a.k.a. FOO roles). Tune in on the first two Tuesdays of each month to learn about how the roles we were cast into as children and held within our family systems shape how we show up in our relationships today. Whether you were the one who held the family together, the rebel who pushed back against household norms, or the “easy” kid who flew under the radar, we all inhabited a position in the community of our family and absorbed certain messages about love, connection, and worthiness as a result. Check out the introductory episode of the series if you missed it last month!
We’re taking a look at “The Easy One” role in today’s episode. If you were the kid who could always “go with the flow” in your family, this might be you. As a child, you didn’t express a lot of needs (even though you had them, as we all do!), and that may have been a relief to the Big People in your system, because their attention was needed elsewhere. As an adult, you may identify as a people-pleaser, always attuning yourself to the people around you, wondering how you can make them comfortable or happy. You may believe you’re only worthy to the degree that you’re accommodating others. Does this sound like you, or someone you love? Listen to the episode to learn more about this role and how The Easy One can embark on their healing journey.
Visit www.masterclass.com/alexandrasolomon to check out the class I co-taught with Ryan Holiday and other experts about the wisdom of ancient philosophy and how it can help us improve communication, resilience, and relationships.
Relevant links:
Get the FREE Family of Origin Roles Workbook: Reclaiming You
Take the Family of Origin Roles Quiz
Reimagining Love: “Tending to ‘Little You’ & Exploring Your Family of Origin”
Dr. Alexandra’s Psychotherapy Networker Article
Resources about power exchange / kink:
- From Michelle Herzog’s Center for Modern Relationships: Article Part I, Article Part II
- Pleasure Mechanics: Courses
- Pleasure Mechanics: Podcast episode
- Dipsea: “How to explore light bondage play with your trusted partner” by Toni Sicola (2021)
- Pillow Talk Podcast (Vanessa + Xander Marin): How To Spice It Up In the Bedroom: Exploring Kink For Beginners
- TIME Article: “Why I Kept My Kinks a Secret” by R.O. Kwon (2024)
- British GQ: “A dominatrix gives a beginners guide to kink” by Daisy Schofield (2024)
Order Dr. Alexandra’s book, Love Every Day
Subscribe to Dr. Alexandra’s Newsletter
Give the gift of Relational Self-Awareness! All of Dr. Alexandra's online offerings are 20% off until December 20th, 2024! They include the hallmark course "Intimate Relationships 101" and the Reimagining Love Workbook as a beautiful companion to this podcast. Visit https://dralexandrasolomon.com/giftguide2024/ to explore Relational Self-Awareness as you and your loved ones move into the new year.
Build essential relationship skills with MasterClass. Dr. Alexandra, Ryan Holiday, and other experts share how you can improve communication, resilience, and relationships with the class “Using Ancient Wisdom to Solve Modern Problems”. Learn more at http://www.masterclass.com/alexandrasolomon
Family of Origin Roles Series: The Perfect One (From Performance to Presence)
Today’s episode is part of a new solo series on Reimagining Love about Family of Origin Roles (aka FOO roles). Tune in on the first two Tuesdays of each month to learn about how the roles we were cast into as children and held within our family systems shape how we show up in our relationships today. Whether you were the one who held the family together, the rebel who pushed back against household norms, or the “easy” kid who flew under the radar, we all inhabited a position in the community of our family and absorbed certain messages about love, connection, and worthiness as a result. Check out the introductory episode of the series if you missed it last month!
Up first in Dr. Alexandra’s exploration of family roles is “The Perfect One.” If you were the superstar kid in your family, known for bringing home good grades and accolades, this might be you. As an adult, perhaps you seek validation and affirmation of your worthiness through tangible accomplishments. You may believe you’re only as good and worthy of love as your job title, latest career win, parenting flex, or fitness milestone. Does this sound like you, or someone you love? Listen to the episode to learn more about this role and how The Perfect One can embark on their healing journey.
Visit www.masterclass.com/alexandrasolomon to check out the class I co-taught with Ryan Holiday and other experts about the wisdom of ancient philosophy and how it can help us improve communication, resilience, and relationships.
Relevant links:
Get the FREE Family of Origin Roles Workbook: Reclaiming You
Take the Family of Origin Roles Quiz
Reimagining Love: “Tending to ‘Little You’ & Exploring Your Family of Origin”
Dr. Alexandra’s Psychotherapy Networker Article
Order Dr. Alexandra’s book, Love Every Day
Subscribe to Dr. Alexandra’s Newsletter
How to Stress-Proof Your Relationship: Strategies for Busy Lives with Elizabeth Earnshaw
We all know that when we’re stressed, we’re not our best selves. But what happens when this stress threatens to erode our most important relationships, and we feel powerless to change the dynamic? Returning guest Elizabeth Earnshaw joins Dr. Solomon to address this pressing yet common issue. Liz is a licensed family and marriage therapist, Certified Gottman Therapist, AAMFT Approved Supervisor, and founder of A Better Life Therapy. She’s known for her popular Instagram account @lizlistens, is the author of I Want This to Work, and has been featured in the New York Times, USA Today, The Washington Post, and more. Her newest book, ‘Til Stress Do Us Part: How to Heal the #1 Issue in Our Relationships, is an empowering guide to stress-proofing your relationship.
While we may initially believe it’s our relationships that are the cause of our stress, Liz says that it’s often the other way around: that “the unprecedented collective stress we all face today is the cause of many relationship challenges couples are experiencing.” In this episodes, you'll hear Liz’s deeply empathetic re-frame of this issue. Liz and Dr. Alexandra discuss why our partner often gets the “worst” version of us, how we can understand different types or “buckets” of stressors, and the small but mighty changes we can make that will serve our relationships for the long haul. They also focus on the pressures of parenthood and what makes this moment particularly challenging for parents. Finally, they answer a question from a listener in Idaho named Amber about how to move forward after a rift in a friendship.
Visit www.masterclass.com/alexandrasolomon to check out the class I contributed to with Ryan Holiday and other experts about the wisdom of ancient philosophy and how it can help us improve communication, resilience, and relationships.
Relevant links:
Liz’s book: 'Til Stress Do Us Part: How to Heal the #1 Issue in Our Relationships
Surgeon General Dr. Vivek Murthy’s essay in The New York Times Opinion section, August 2024: Surgeon General: Parents Are at Their Wits’ End. We Can Do Better.
Order Dr. Alexandra's latest book, Love Every Day
Subscribe to Dr. Alexandra’s Newsletter
What Role Did You Play In Your Family of Origin? (Re-release)
Today’s episode is the first of a new solo episode series on Reimagining Love about Family of Origin Roles. Tune in on the first two Tuesdays of each month to learn about how the roles we were cast into as children and held within our family systems shape how we show up in our relationships today. Whether you were the one who held the family together, the rebel who pushed back against household norms, or the “easy” kid who flew under the radar, we all inhabited a position in the community of our family and absorbed certain messaging about love, connection, and worthiness as a result.
To start off this series, we’re revisiting this in-depth solo episode, in which Dr. Alexandra explains the six common roles we might have played in our original family systems. Through understanding our past, we can see how these roles continue to show up in our relationships today and use that knowledge as a powerful Relational Self-Awareness tool. In December, we’ll begin releasing role-specific episodes for each of the six roles, starting with “The Perfect One,” so be sure to catch that conversation next month.
Visit www.masterclass.com/alexandrasolomon to check out the class I contributed to with Ryan Holiday and other experts about the wisdom of ancient philosophy and how it can help us improve communication, resilience, and relationships.
Relevant links:
Take the Family of Origin Roles Quiz
Reimagining Love: “Tending to “Little You” & Exploring Your Family of Origin”
Dr. Alexandra’s Psychotherapy Networker Article
Order Dr. Alexandra’s book, Love Every Day
Subscribe to Dr. Alexandra’s Newsletter
Hey Reimagining Love Listeners! Quick note here that we’re publishing new episodes on an every other week schedule with occasional bonus episodes sprinkled throughout, at least until the end of the year. If you're craving more content in the meantime, you can always search the back catalog and/or find juicy blog posts and other resources at dralexandrasolomon.com.
Finding The "Self": Exploring Family Systems Therapy With Dr. Richard C. Schwartz
Have you ever felt like different parts of yourself were competing for attention and power? Maybe you have aspects of your personality that you’re proud of, and others that you’d rather keep hidden from the world—the ones that tend to rear their heads in your not-so-shining moments. According to Internal Family Systems Therapy, a framework developed by today’s guest, Dr. Richard Schwartz, we are all made up of sub-personalities or “parts.” IFS posits that by investigating and understanding where each of those parts come from and how they are dictating our current behavior, we can better understand our unique mental world and determine how to make change to support our healing and improve our relationships. Dr. Alexandra talks with Dr. Dick about how IFS has the potential to help individuals understand themselves, strengthen their romantic relationships, or even navigate the dating world. They also explore a question from a listener in Toronto who wants to feel more deeply understood in conversations with her boyfriend.
IFS is a theoretical framework that has helped many folks, but as always, Dr. Alexandra encourages you to see what resonates with you in this conversation and what might be helpful to bring into your own processes of self-discovery and healing, and to your relationships.
Relevant Links:
- IFS Institute
- Intimacy From The Inside Out
- Check out Dick's book: No Bad Parts: Healing Trauma and Restoring Wholeness with the Internal Family Systems Model by Richard Schwartz, Ph.D.
- Check out Dick's book: You Are the One You've Been Waiting for: Applying Internal Family Systems to Intimate Relationships by Richard Schwartz, Ph.D.
- Story on IFS from NPR’s Morning Edition
- Order Dr. Alexandra's latest book, Love Every Day
- Subscribe to Dr. Alexandra’s Newsletter
- Submit a Listener Question
Hey Reimagining Love Listeners! Quick note here that we’re publishing new episodes on an every other week schedule with occasional bonus episodes sprinkled throughout, at least until the end of the year. If you're craving more content in the meantime, you can always search the back catalog and/or find juicy blog posts and other resources at dralexandrasolomon.com.
High-Functioning Codependency: From Managing to Loving with Terri Cole
What would your reaction be if someone asked if you’re codependent? If “Certainly not!” is your immediate response, this episode invites you to look a little deeper. While we often turn to a single definition of codependency—enabling another person in a situation that is damaging or dangerous, such as addiction—Terri Cole‘s new book, Too Much: A Guide to Breaking the Cycle of High-Functioning Codependency, expands on this traditional and insufficient definition to include those who are “overly invested in the feelings of the people in our lives to the detriment of our own internal peace.”
Terri is a licensed psychotherapist, empowerment coach, and recovering high-functioning codependent. In therapy sessions with her highly capable patients, Terri noticed a lot of pushback when she would suggest that they might be codependent. However, when she clarified her updated definition, they immediately recognized these traits in themselves and could begin recovering from these detrimental behaviors. It is likely that you recognize these traits in yourself or someone close to you, so I hope that you will come away enlightened and empowered from Terri’s explanation of the clues that highlight these traits, the heavy cost to both the individual and their loved ones, and how we can all be of service to others without adopting problematic patterns. We also unpack a thoughtful question from a listener in Nova Scotia Canada about rebuilding a damaged relationship with her four adult children.
Relevant Links:
- Learn more about Terri Cole
- Order Terri’s book, Too Much: A Guide to Breaking the Cycle of High-Functioning Codependency
- Get your copy of the HFC Workbook
- Join the Teri Cole Membership
- Order Dr. Alexandra's latest book, Love Every Day
- Subscribe to Dr. Alexandra’s Newsletter
- Submit a Listener Question
Hey Reimagining Love Listeners! Quick note here that we’re publishing new episodes on an every other week schedule with occasional bonus episodes sprinkled throughout, at least until the end of the year. If you're craving more content in the meantime, you can always search the back catalog and/or find juicy blog posts and other resources at dralexandrasolomon.com.
Healing Relationships: Reclaim the Masculine and Feminine Within with Dené Logan
In North America, we’re conditioned from an early age to cultivate specific components of our full personalities and curtail others. For people socialized as girls, traditionally “feminine” qualities such as softspokenness and emotional exploration are encouraged, while assertiveness is discouraged. For people socialized as boys, qualities like toughness and a stiff upper lip are considered masculine, and they are advised against being open about their feelings.
But as hard as patriarchal society has worked to separate us into specific personas based on our sex, the truth is that we all carry masculine and feminine energies within us. In this episode, marriage and family therapist and Depth Psychology expert Dené Logan embarks with me on an exploration of how we manage, heal, and share our internal energies—this is the fascinating topic of her new book, "Sovereign Love: A Guide to Healing Relationships by Reclaiming the Masculine & Feminine Within."
Relevant Links:
- Order Dené’s book, Sovereign Love: A Guide to Healing Relationships by Reclaiming the Masculine & Feminine Within
- Connect with Dené on Instagram
- Listen to the Cheaper Than Therapy podcast
- Order Dr. Alexandra's latest book, Love Every Day
- Subscribe to Dr. Alexandra’s Newsletter
- Submit a Listener Question
- Join Dr. Alexandra's five-day retreat with the Modern Elder Academy — Get 10% off with code 'GF10'
- Try Kion Aminos risk-free for 60-days with a money-back guarantee. Get 20% off at https://www.getkion.com/OSLP with the discount code OSLP.
The 1% Rule: How We Learn from Relationships with Andrea Miller
Founder and CEO of YourTango, Andrea Miller, joins Dr. Alexandra to share the power of being a lifelong “seeker” of relational wisdom. Andrea has dedicated her life to connecting her audience with relationship experts and celebrating relational wisdom, and today, invites us into her journey of opening herself up to love’s lessons.
Relevant links:
Listen to Dr. Alexandra on Open Relationships: Transforming Together with Andrea Miller
Radical Acceptance: The Secret to Happy, Lasting Love by Andrea Miller
Order Dr. Alexandra's latest book, Love Every Day
Subscribe to Dr. Alexandra’s Newsletter
Join Dr. Alexandra's five-day retreat with the Modern Elder Academy — Get 10% off with code 'GF10'
Try Kion Aminos risk-free for 60-days with a money-back guarantee. Get 20% off at https://www.getkion.com/OSLP with the discount code OSLP.
Love and Loss: Expanding Compassion as You Grieve with J.S. Park
Loss and grief are universal and profoundly human. The death of a loved one, the end of a relationship, a trauma that drastically shifts the trajectory of a life—each spurs a unique grieving process that can be difficult to navigate for both the people grieving and their support systems. As a chaplain at a Level One Trauma Center in Florida, J.S. Park provides emotional and spiritual care for and comfort to those experiencing grief. His support of patients at the end of their lives, and of the loved ones who remain, adds tremendous impact and compassion to his most recent book, As Long As You Need: Permission to Grieve.
In this episode, J.S. shares with Dr. Alexandra what his education and experience have taught him about the “right” things to say and the ways to support grieving loved ones. He offers deeply considered insights into our misguided fear of bringing up the deceased, the impact of loss on the past and the future, and how to care for both a loved one and oneself during the grieving process.
Relevant Links:
- Order J.S.’s book, As Long As You Need: Permission to Grieve
- Connect J.S. on Instagram
- Order Dr. Alexandra's latest book, Love Every Day
- Subscribe to Dr. Alexandra’s Newsletter
- Submit a Listener Question
- Join Dr. Alexandra's five-day retreat with the Modern Elder Academy — Get 10% off with code 'GF10'
- Try Kion Aminos risk-free for 60-days with a money-back guarantee. Get 20% off at https://www.getkion.com/OSLP with the discount code OSLP.