Mailbag Episode! Trouble in Paradise
Welcome to another summer mailbag episode, in which Dr. Alexandra digs into recent listener questions so that we can all grow, together. Two of the questions today follow a general shape of a question that comes across Dr. Alexandra’s desk quite often. Something like: “Everything’s perfect in my relationship…BUT….” There’s some challenge, incompatibility, or roadblock that feels outside of our control—or, something within *US* that’s holding us back from taking things to the next level, even though everything feels so right—and we can’t get unstuck. Dr. Alexandra speaks to two listeners in this spot, as well as answering a unique question from a listener who is wanting to reclaim a special place for herself and her daughter, a place that holds both “pain and potential,” in her words, in the wake of the end of her marriage. Listen to hear Dr. Alexandra’s tips on how she can reclaim her paradise.
“Your Midyear Refresh” on MasterClass: masterclass.com/yourmidyearrefresh
Couple Therapy Certification Course from PESI: pesi.com/dralexandra
Take the Family of Origin Roles QUIZ
Previous summer mailbag episodes: Mailbag 1, Mailbag 2
Order Dr. Alexandra’s book, Love Every Day
Subscribe to Dr. Alexandra’s Newsletter
Prioritizing Your Pleasure: How to Rediscover Your Spark with Shan Boodram
In this episode, Dr. Alexandra is joined by Shan Boodram, a sexuality educator and certified sexologist, known for her work on Netflix’s Too Hot To Handle, The Marriage Pact on The Roku Channel, and Ex-Rated on Peacock, which she co-hosted with Andy Cohen, as well as her MasterClass, “The Art of Seduction,” which leads folks through the fundamentals of flirting, intimacy, and how to foster deep physical and emotional connections. Shan’s approach to sex education is welcoming and approachable, and she has a reverence for this topic that is oh-so central to our humanity and aliveness. From re-defining the way we draw wisdom from the ancient Kama Sutra text, to even designing jewelry that encourages folks to reclaim their pleasure in the bedroom, Shan & this conversation will inspire you to see your and your partner’s sexuality with fresh eyes. And if you’re looking for practical advice on the art of seduction, you’ll get that in this episode, too (enter Shan’s iconic “sexy eye triangle” tip). There’s so much to glean from this episode, whether you’re looking to spice things up with your partner in the bedroom, move past sexual shame, or just see sex in a new way.
You’ll come away from this episode with:
- A refreshed perspective on the “intimate self” and a reminder of how central our sexuality is to our humanity
- Practical tips for how to use flirting and seduction to connect with others, and even more importantly, with yourself
- New ideas for how to bring novelty, improved communication, and playfulness into the bedroom
“Your Midyear Refresh” on MasterClass: masterclass.com/yourmidyearrefresh
Couple Therapy Certification Course from PESI: pesi.com/dralexandra
“The Art of Seduction on MasterClass: masterclass.com/shan
Käma, Shan's jewelry collaboration with Surmeyi
Shan’s website
LOVERS by shan, Shan’s podcast
Order Dr. Alexandra’s book, Love Every Day
Subscribe to Dr. Alexandra’s Newsletter
Living Authentically: How to Cultivate Vulnerability, Emotional Safety, and Joy with Jennifer Pastiloff
Dr. Alexandra sits down with author and speaker Jennifer Pastiloff for a heartfelt conversation centered on vulnerability, new beginnings, and embracing joy through trying times. Jen’s candid sharing of her personal journey reminds us that we're constantly given opportunities to evolve ourselves, heal, and step more deeply into our authenticity. Jen and Dr. Alexandra also discuss navigating the "messy middle" after a breakup or divorce, and how we can begin again in life after facing bumps in the road. Jen's new book, Proof of Life: Let Go, Let Love, and Stop Looking for Permission to Live Your Life, is out today and explores all of these topics and many more.
You'll come away from this episode with:
- Hope & permission to live a bigger and more beautiful life
- Reminders for how to cultivate emotional safety in your intimate partnerships, which will pave the way for deeper connection
- A deeper understanding of the importance of "I Got You" people—the supportive folks in your circle who reflect your best self back to you—and clues for how to find them
- Empowerment to feel joy and search for beauty even in the most difficult or heartbreaking chapters of your life
“Your Midyear Refresh” on MasterClass: masterclass.com/yourmidyearrefresh
Couple Therapy Certification Course from PESI: pesi.com/dralexandra
Proof of Life: Let Go, Let Love, and Stop Looking for Permission to Live Your Life by Jennifer Pastiloff
Order Dr. Alexandra’s book, Love Every Day
Subscribe to Dr. Alexandra’s Newsletter
Revisit & Reflect: Esther Perel on Reigniting The Spark in Your Relationship
Welcome to R&R: Revisit & Reflect, a new episode format here on the podcast. We’re living in a time of information abundance (sometimes information overload) and lots of that information is about mental health and relational health! But there’s a difference between consuming content and integrating it. When we consume, the information might just pass through us, whereas when we integrate, the information weaves its way into our unique story or situation, creating insight and the potential for a shift in mindset, in emotion, in belief, and in behavior. With these R&R episodes, you’ll reflect and journal with Dr. Alexandra to integrate core lessons from the podcast, starting with today’s conversation from the archive with the inimitable relationship expert Esther Perel. They explore relational ambivalence and how to reignite the spark inside your relationship, and within yourself, inspired by a listener’s question. So, get out your favorite pen and journal and join in this summer reflection.
You’ll come away from this episode with:
- A deeper understanding of the importance of rituals in maintaining connection amidst life's challenges
- A new perspective on the impact of external circumstances on anxiety in your relationships.
- The ability to recognize and respond to your partner's bids for connection.
- A framework for self-reflection with actionable journaling prompts to enhance intimacy.
Journaling Prompts:
- How do the macro issues of the world shape your love life today? To what degree are you able to give yourself permission for play and pleasure, even as the world feels so hard? What allows you to do that?
- In the clip, Esther reminds us that if you don’t know how to turn yourself on, there’s nothing your partner can do to turn you on. How are you finding ways to connect to your own aliveness? What are some things you can do this week, just for you, that could reinvigorate your internal spark? This could include engaging with nature, art, food, movement, or play.
- In this clip, Esther and Dr. Alexandra talk about how for a couple to create an experience together, one partner is the initiator and one is the responder. These roles aren’t fixed, but which role do you do you tend to find yourself in more? What do you like about being in each position, and what’s hard about each of them?
“Your Midyear Refresh” on MasterClass: masterclass.com/yourmidyearrefresh
Couple Therapy Certification Course from PESI: pesi.com/dralexandra
Order Dr. Alexandra’s book, Love Every Day
Subscribe to Dr. Alexandra’s Newsletter
Mailbag Episode! Blended Families, LDRs, Talking About the Future
The second mailbag episode of the summer is here! Hear Dr. Alexandra’s advice for three listeners from around the world, with three relationship dilemmas: the first is a fellow “Alexandra” who lives in England and is struggling with her blended family. Next, we hear from a listener in Hawaii who is trying to make a difficult decision about their relationship. Finally, Dr. Alexandra answers a question from a listener in the UK who is ready to have a baby…but her boyfriend is not. Listen to hear Dr. Alexandra’s guidance and submit your own question by following the link below.
"Your Anxiety Toolkit" on MasterClass: www.masterclass.com/youranxietytoolkit
Order Dr. Alexandra’s book, Love Every Day
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Mailbag Episode! Part One
Throughout the summer, Dr. Alexandra will be answering listener questions through Mailbag Episodes. Today’s questions include a query from a listener in Los Angeles who is struggling with her feelings about a choice the guy she’s seeing has made, and isn’t sure how to proceed after a tricky conversation. Next, you’ll hear from Marina in London, who wants some extra support in the aftermath of infidelity. She’s curious about post-traumatic growth and what might be possible for her. Dr. Alexandra wraps things up with a question from a listener in New York, whose boyfriend of over a decade is ambivalent about the relationship and blowing hot and cold. Should she cut loose or stick it out until he makes up his mind? Listen to hear Dr. Alexandra’s takes on all of these relationship situations.
If you want to submit your own question, click the link below. You may just get yours answered on an upcoming mailbag episode this summer!
"Your Anxiety Toolkit" on MasterClass: www.masterclass.com/youranxietytoolkit
Order Dr. Alexandra’s book, Love Every Day
Subscribe to Dr. Alexandra’s Newsletter
How to Know When It’s Right: The Conversations that Unlock Connection with Lindsay Jill Roth
Many of us have cultivated confidence in our careers, our family life, and our friendships, but when it comes to dating, we feel lost at sea. This was the case for acclaimed TV and live events producer Lindsay Jill Roth, who found herself asking what she knew were the wrong questions in dating (What does he want me to say? How can I make this person like me?). So, she set out to create a tool for herself that she’s now sharing with the world. In her new book, Romances & Practicalities, Lindsay offers a roadmap for how to understand your wants and needs better and truly communicate and connect with the person you’re dating, through 250 research-backed questions spread across twelve categories—from money to children to chores to sex. These questions help folks develop deeper intimacy and open up about what they’re looking for in an intimate partnership. In her conversation with Dr. Alexandra, you’ll hear about Lindsay’s budding romance with her now husband, the couples she spoke with who have used this system, and the wisdom and practical guidance she’s garnered from the clinical experts she interviewed for the book—including Dr. Alexandra! Lindsay urges listeners to view expansive and thoughtful dialog as something sexy, not just vital, as they get to know someone that they think might be their person. Lindsay and Dr. Alexandra also address a thoughtful listener question at the end of the episode, about dating across socio-economic class.
Relevant links:
Romances & Practicalities: A Love Story (Maybe Yours!) in 250 Questions by Lindsay Jill Roth
Lindsay’s website
Order Dr. Alexandra’s book, Love Every Day
Subscribe to Dr. Alexandra’s Newsletter
The Search for Green Flags: Ditch the Dating Myths, Not the Apps with Damona Hoffman
Celebrity dating coach Damona Hoffman stops by Reimagining Love to deliver sage and practical advice for daters. With decades of experience in online dating, Damona gives Dr. Alexandra an update on the current state of the apps and explains why so many daters are feeling burnt out. Instead of looking for red flags and buying into tired dating myths, Damona believes the key is getting specific about what we want and who we are, so that we can use the apps as a tool instead of a toy.
Relevant links:
F the Fairy Tale: Rewrite the Dating Myths and Live Your Own Love Story by Damona Hoffman
Listen to Dates & Mates with Damona Hoffman
Order Dr. Alexandra's new book, Love Every Day
Subscribe to Dr. Alexandra’s Newsletter