LISTEN TO THE REIMAGINING LOVE PODCAST WITH DR. ALEXANDRA SOLOMONA conversation about the relationships that matter most
Reimagining Love with Dr. Alexandra Solomon is your destination for profound, enlightening discussions about love, family, intimacy, and everything in between. A podcast that gives us the opportunity to reimagine ourselves, our relationships, and our world. Hosted by renowned clinical psychologist, professor, and author Dr. Alexandra Solomon featuring conversations with listeners as well as notable guests.
Listen to Reimagining Love
What Role Did You Play In Your Family of Origin? (Re-release)
Today’s episode is the first of a new solo episode series on Reimagining Love about Family of Origin Roles. Tune in on the first two Tuesdays of each month to learn about how the roles we were cast into as children and held within our family systems shape how we show up in our relationships today. Whether you were the one who held the family together, the rebel who pushed back against household norms, or the “easy” kid who flew under the radar, we all inhabited a position in the community of our family and absorbed certain messaging about love, connection, and worthiness as a result.
To start off this series, we’re revisiting this in-depth solo episode, in which Dr. Alexandra explains the six common roles we might have played in our original family systems. Through understanding our past, we can see how these roles continue to show up in our relationships today and use that knowledge as a powerful Relational Self-Awareness tool. In December, we’ll begin releasing role-specific episodes for each of the six roles, starting with “The Perfect One,” so be sure to catch that conversation next month.
Visit www.masterclass.com/alexandrasolomon to check out the class I contributed to with Ryan Holiday and other experts about the wisdom of ancient philosophy and how it can help us improve communication, resilience, and relationships.
Relevant links:
Take the Family of Origin Roles Quiz
Reimagining Love: “Tending to “Little You” & Exploring Your Family of Origin”
Dr. Alexandra’s Psychotherapy Networker Article
Order Dr. Alexandra’s book, Love Every Day
Finding The "Self": Exploring Family Systems Therapy With Dr. Richard C. Schwartz
Have you ever felt like different parts of yourself were competing for attention and power? Maybe you have aspects of your personality that you’re proud of, and others that you’d rather keep hidden from the world—the ones that tend to rear their heads in your not-so-shining moments. According to Internal Family Systems Therapy, a framework developed by today’s guest, Dr. Richard Schwartz, we are all made up of sub-personalities or “parts.” IFS posits that by investigating and understanding where each of those parts come from and how they are dictating our current behavior, we can better understand our unique mental world and determine how to make change to support our healing and improve our relationships. Dr. Alexandra talks with Dr. Dick about how IFS has the potential to help individuals understand themselves, strengthen their romantic relationships, or even navigate the dating world. They also explore a question from a listener in Toronto who wants to feel more deeply understood in conversations with her boyfriend.
IFS is a theoretical framework that has helped many folks, but as always, Dr. Alexandra encourages you to see what resonates with you in this conversation and what might be helpful to bring into your own processes of self-discovery and healing, and to your relationships.
Relevant Links:
Check out Dick's book: No Bad Parts: Healing Trauma and Restoring Wholeness with the Internal Family Systems Model by Richard Schwartz, Ph.D.
Check out Dick's book: You Are the One You've Been Waiting for: Applying Internal Family Systems to Intimate Relationships by Richard Schwartz, Ph.D.
Order Dr. Alexandra's latest book, Love Every Day
High-Functioning Codependency: From Managing to Loving with Terri Cole
What would your reaction be if someone asked if you’re codependent? If “Certainly not!” is your immediate response, this episode invites you to look a little deeper. While we often turn to a single definition of codependency—enabling another person in a situation that is damaging or dangerous, such as addiction—Terri Cole‘s new book, Too Much: A Guide to Breaking the Cycle of High-Functioning Codependency, expands on this traditional and insufficient definition to include those who are “overly invested in the feelings of the people in our lives to the detriment of our own internal peace.”
Terri is a licensed psychotherapist, empowerment coach, and recovering high-functioning codependent. In therapy sessions with her highly capable patients, Terri noticed a lot of pushback when she would suggest that they might be codependent. However, when she clarified her updated definition, they immediately recognized these traits in themselves and could begin recovering from these detrimental behaviors. It is likely that you recognize these traits in yourself or someone close to you, so I hope that you will come away enlightened and empowered from Terri’s explanation of the clues that highlight these traits, the heavy cost to both the individual and their loved ones, and how we can all be of service to others without adopting problematic patterns. We also unpack a thoughtful question from a listener in Nova Scotia Canada about rebuilding a damaged relationship with her four adult children.
Relevant Links:
Learn more about Terri Cole
Order Terri’s book, Too Much: A Guide to Breaking the Cycle of High-Functioning Codependency
Get your copy of the HFC Workbook
Join the Teri Cole Membership
Order Dr. Alexandra's latest book, Love Every Day
Facing Estrangement? Ask Yourself These Questions
The decision to cut off a family member is a difficult one. Estrangement is an attempt to solve a painful, systemic relationship problem. This monumental move should be deeply considered, and my collectivist approach to therapy encourages being curious about and striving to understand how the different contexts our family members—epsecially those with a generational divide—grew up and live within can impact how we show up in our relationships. Without, of course, ever dismissing the very real trauma that can precede an estrangement.
In this in-depth solo episode, I explore the dynamics of cut-offs, including what both the official research and my recent social media survey have to say. Then, I offer three relational self-awareness questions for folks on both sides of the estrangement experience: those considering cutting off a family member and those who are about to be or have been cut off.
These questions aim to support compassionate dialogue that increases both party’s chances of finding a solution. Whether you are the estranger or the estranged, it is my hope that this conversation will leave you with some tools and a perspective you may not have considered, one that takes each person’s lived experience into consideration and opens up the possibility of finding a middle ground between an unhealthy status quo and walking away.
Relevant Links:
Get your companion workbook - https://www.dralexandrasolomon.com/cutoff
My talk on 1A: “When Loved Ones Become Strangers” - https://the1a.org/segments/when-loved-ones-become-strangers/
Reimagining Love Episode: “End or Mend: Managing Difficult Family Relationships with Nedra Tawwab” - https://dralexandrasolomon.com/podcasts/end-or-mend-managing-difficult-family-relationships-with-nedra-tawwab/
APA article: “Estrangement Is Never Easy or Straightforward. Psychologists Can Help” - https://www.apa.org/monitor/2024/04/healing-pain-estrangement
Vogue article: “Why So Many People (Myself Included) Are Experiencing Family Estrangement” - https://www.vogue.com/article/why-so-many-people-are-experiencing-family-estrangement
Aeon article: “Estrangement” - https://aeon.co/essays/modern-culture-blames-parents-for-forces-beyond-their-control
Order Dr. Alexandra's latest book, Love Every Day
Get effortless support for your balanced wellness lifestyle with Factor. Visit https://www.factormeals.com/TCFE50 and use the code TCFE50 to get 50% off your first box, plus 20% off the next month.
Try Kion Aminos risk-free for 60-days with a money-back guarantee. Get 20% off at https://www.getkion.com/OSLP with the discount code OSLP.
Healing Relationships: Reclaim the Masculine and Feminine Within with Dené Logan
In North America, we’re conditioned from an early age to cultivate specific components of our full personalities and curtail others. For people socialized as girls, traditionally “feminine” qualities such as softspokenness and emotional exploration are encouraged, while assertiveness is discouraged. For people socialized as boys, qualities like toughness and a stiff upper lip are considered masculine, and they are advised against being open about their feelings.
But as hard as patriarchal society has worked to separate us into specific personas based on our sex, the truth is that we all carry masculine and feminine energies within us. In this episode, marriage and family therapist and Depth Psychology expert Dené Logan embarks with me on an exploration of how we manage, heal, and share our internal energies—this is the fascinating topic of her new book, "Sovereign Love: A Guide to Healing Relationships by Reclaiming the Masculine & Feminine Within."
Relevant Links:
Order Dené’s book, Sovereign Love: A Guide to Healing Relationships by Reclaiming the Masculine & Feminine Within
Connect with Dené on Instagram
Listen to the Cheaper Than Therapy podcast
Order Dr. Alexandra's latest book, Love Every Day
Join Dr. Alexandra's five-day retreat with the Modern Elder Academy — Get 10% off with code 'GF10'
Try Kion Aminos risk-free for 60-days with a money-back guarantee. Get 20% off at https://www.getkion.com/OSLP with the discount code OSLP.
The 1% Rule: How We Learn from Relationships with Andrea Miller
Founder and CEO of YourTango, Andrea Miller, joins Dr. Alexandra to share the power of being a lifelong “seeker” of relational wisdom. Andrea has dedicated her life to connecting her audience with relationship experts and celebrating relational wisdom, and today, invites us into her journey of opening herself up to love’s lessons.
Relevant links:
Listen to Dr. Alexandra on Open Relationships: Transforming Together with Andrea Miller
Radical Acceptance: The Secret to Happy, Lasting Love by Andrea Miller
Order Dr. Alexandra's latest book, Love Every Day
Subscribe to Dr. Alexandra’s Newsletter
Join Dr. Alexandra's five-day retreat with the Modern Elder Academy — Get 10% off with code 'GF10'
Try Kion Aminos risk-free for 60-days with a money-back guarantee. Get 20% off at https://www.getkion.com/OSLP with the discount code OSLP.
Love and Loss: Expanding Compassion as You Grieve with J.S. Park
Loss and grief are universal and profoundly human. The death of a loved one, the end of a relationship, a trauma that drastically shifts the trajectory of a life—each spurs a unique grieving process that can be difficult to navigate for both the people grieving and their support systems. As a chaplain at a Level One Trauma Center in Florida, J.S. Park provides emotional and spiritual care for and comfort to those experiencing grief. His support of patients at the end of their lives, and of the loved ones who remain, adds tremendous impact and compassion to his most recent book, As Long As You Need: Permission to Grieve.
In this episode, J.S. shares with Dr. Alexandra what his education and experience have taught him about the “right” things to say and the ways to support grieving loved ones. He offers deeply considered insights into our misguided fear of bringing up the deceased, the impact of loss on the past and the future, and how to care for both a loved one and oneself during the grieving process.
Relevant Links:
Order J.S.’s book, As Long As You Need: Permission to Grieve
Connect J.S. on Instagram
Order Dr. Alexandra's latest book, Love Every Day
Join Dr. Alexandra's five-day retreat with the Modern Elder Academy — Get 10% off with code 'GF10'
Try Kion Aminos risk-free for 60-days with a money-back guarantee. Get 20% off at https://www.getkion.com/OSLP with the discount code OSLP.
Safe Conversations: The Healing Power of Listening with Dr. Helen LaKelly Hunt and Dr. Harville Hendrix
What happens when we listen and are listened to more fully, forging a deeper connection? Decades of research tell us that the brain undergoes physiological changes when we begin to “talk without criticizing, listen without judgment, and connect beyond difference.” This is the definition of dialogue coined by today’s guests, Dr. Helen LaKelly Hunt and Dr. Harville Hendrix.
Doctors Hunt and Hendrix are internationally recognized couples therapists, educators, speakers, and a married couple themselves. Through decades of research, they developed the Imago Relationship Therapy method, which is taught to therapists around the globe. In this episode, they speak with Dr. Alexandra about moving from monologue (turning the conversation to focus on oneself) to dialogue (keeping the conversation focused on the speaker), and how listening and ensuring true understanding of a speaker’s meaning has enormous benefits to our relationships and our brains.
Relevant Links:
Harville and Helen’s new book, How To Talk to Anyone About Anything - https://harvilleandhelen.com/books/how-to-talk-with-anyone-about-anything/
Learn more about Imago Relationship Therapy - https://harvilleandhelen.com/initiatives/what-is-imago/
Explore Safe Conversations, A Methodology for Connecting - https://safeconversations.com/
Order Dr. Alexandra's latest book, Love Every Day
Join Dr. Alexandra's five-day retreat with the Modern Elder Academy — Get 10% off with code 'GF10' (https://www.meawisdom.com/enroll)
Try Kion Aminos risk-free for 60-days with a money-back guarantee. Get 20% off at https://www.getkion.com/OSLP with the discount code OSLP.
Ten Essential Skills for Navigating Conflict: Part Two (Re-Release)
In this two-part series, Dr. Alexandra shares ten essential skills for couples struggling with routine conflict in their relationship. Offering strategies from her couples therapy practice, Dr. Alexandra provides new language and ways of thinking about arguments that promote empathy and care, shifting couples into a "we" perspective so that they can move through hard times as a team.
Relevant links:
Listen to Part One of the Conflict series
Access the Conflict Skills worksheet
Couples therapy directories:
Order Dr. Alexandra's new book, Love Every Day
Subscribe to Dr. Alexandra’s Newsletter
Join Dr. Alexandra's five-day retreat with the Modern Elder Academy — Get 10% off with code 'GF10'
Try Kion Aminos risk-free for 60-days with a money-back guarantee. Get 20% off at https://www.getkion.com/OSLP with the discount code OSLP.
Spread the love for SXSW! Vote for Dr. Alexandra’s session “Preparing Emerging Adults for Love: The Marriage 101 Course” in the PanelPicker for SXSW EDU 2025.
Ten Essential Skills for Navigating Conflict: Part One (Re-Release)
In this two part series, Dr. Alexandra shares ten essential skills for couples struggling with routine conflict in their relationship. Offering strategies from her couples therapy practice, Dr. Alexandra provides new language and ways of thinking about arguments that promote empathy and care, shifting couples into a "we" perspective so that they can move through hard times as a team.
Relevant links:
Access the Conflict Skills worksheet
Couples therapy directories:
Order Dr. Alexandra's new book, Love Every Day
Subscribe to Dr. Alexandra’s Newsletter
Get 31% off Dr. Alexandra’s two e-courses and workbook! Visit http://courses.dralexandrasolomon.com and enter code BDAY31 at checkout from now until August 12th.
Join Dr. Alexandra's five-day retreat with the Modern Elder Academy — Get 10% off with code 'GF10'
Try Kion Aminos risk-free for 60-days with a money-back guarantee. Get 20% off at https://www.getkion.com/OSLP with the discount code OSLP.
Spread the love for SXSW! Vote for Dr. Alexandra’s session “Preparing Emerging Adults for Love: The Marriage 101 Course” in the PanelPicker for SXSW EDU 2025.
The Parent-Child Bond: Removing Blame & Accessing Joy with Dafna Lender
Family therapy expert Dafna Lender and Dr. Alexandra explore the complexities of the parent-child relationship. With 25 years of experience, Dafna has a deep understanding of how a child’s difficult behaviors and a parent’s reactivity can clash and land a family into a therapist’s office. Dafna explains how to disrupt this cycle by removing blame, exploring the parent’s attachment history, and bringing a sense of joy and playfulness back into the relationship.
Relevant links:
Integrative Attachment Family Therapy: A Clinical Guide to Heal and Strengthen the Parent-Child Relationship by Dafna Lender
Order Dr. Alexandra's latest book, Love Every Day
Get 31% off Dr. Alexandra’s two e-courses and workbook! Visit http://courses.dralexandrasolomon.com and enter code BDAY31 at checkout from now until August 12th.
Join Dr. Alexandra's five-day retreat with the Modern Elder Academy — Get 10% off with code 'GF10'
Try Kion Aminos risk-free for 60-days with a money-back guarantee. Get 20% off at https://www.getkion.com/OSLP with the discount code OSLP.
Midlife Transitions: How to Lean in Rather than Resist the ‘Messy Middle’ with Chip Conley
When it comes to life stages, “midlife” often gets the short end of the stick. We speak about adolescence and retirement as vistas rich with opportunity and possibility while we joke about midlife and its related crises. However, when we adopt an affectionate perspective, opportunity and joy prove to be just as possible in this “messy middle” stage.
Many transitions take place over the decades following age 50. These milestones are no less impactful than those we celebrate, such as graduation and marriage, and yet most of us lack rituals to mark these evolutions and help us build communities of support in this time of great potential.
Chip Conley was a disruptive force in the hospitality industry for decades. In 2018, he combined his experiences mentoring at Airbnb with his own midlife transition to launch the Modern Elder Academy (MEA). Today, the world's first “midlife wisdom school” offers luxurious, personal growth retreats in Baja California and New Mexico. Chip is also the author of seven books, including his most recent, Learning to Love Midlife.
In December 2024, Dr. Alexandra will be at the Santa Fe ranch location of MEA leading a 5-day retreat for couples centered on healing the past, deepening connection, and creating a relational vision for the future. You can attend with your partner or on your own. To learn more about the retreat, Loving You Without Losing Me: A Retreat for Couples, visit the website and schedule a free consultation call with the MEA admissions team.
Whether you are approaching midlife, are in the midst of it, or if midlife is in your rearview mirror, Chip’s affectionate and curious approach to this often overlooked and undervalued stage will illuminate new outlooks and possibilities for how we lean into life’s transitions.
Relevant Links:
Read Chip’s latest book Learning to Love Midlife
Learn more about Chip and get his free Anatomy of a Transition resource on his website
Learn more about Dr. Alexandra’s December 2024 retreat at MEA
Order Dr. Alexandra's new book, Love Every Day
Ditch the “Shoulds”: How Feminism Improves Your Love Life with Kara Loewentheil
Research shows that gender socialization plays out most rigidly in our intimate relationships. How do we learn to separate our thoughts and actions from our socialization? In this episode, podcaster, author, and feminist coach Kara Loewentheil joins Dr. Alexandra for an expansive conversation that confronts the ways in which patriarchy influences our thoughts, beliefs, and actions.
Relevant links:
Take Back Your Brain: How a Sexist Society Gets in Your Head--And How to Get It Out a New York Times Bestseller by Kara Loewentheil
Listen to the Unf*ck Your Brain Podcast
Order Dr. Alexandra's new book, Love Every Day
Subscribe to Dr. Alexandra’s Newsletter
Join Dr. Alexandra's five-day retreat with the Modern Elder Academy — Get 10% off with code 'GF10'
Try Kion Aminos risk-free for 60-days with a money-back guarantee. Get 20% off at https://www.getkion.com/OSLP with the discount code OSLP.
Relational Ambivalence: Should I Stay or Should I Go? Part 2 (Re-Release)
Welcome back to this foundational re-release episode of Reimagining Love! In the second part of the "Should I Stay or Should I Go?" series, Dr. Alexandra continues the conversation about Relational Ambivalence and offers listeners eight suggestions to help them move from stuckness to clarity.
Listen to Part 1 of this Series
Get the Relational Ambivalence worksheet
"Should I Stay or Should I Go?" Pt. 2 - Accompanying Article by Dr. Alexandra
Mark Groves Ted Talk: "You were born to love, you evolved to fit in"
Subscribe to Dr. Alexandra's Newsletter
Submit your question to Dr. Alexandra
Join Dr. Alexandra's five-day retreat with the Modern Elder Academy — Get 10% off with code 'GF10'
Try Kion Aminos risk-free for 60-days with a money-back guarantee - Get 20% off https://www.getkion.com/OSLP - discount code is 'OSLP'
Relational Ambivalence: Should I Stay or Should I Go? Part 1 (Re-Release)
This week on Reimagining Love, Dr. Alexandra is re-releasing a foundational podcast episode that explores one complicated question: Should I stay in this relationship, or should I leave? If you're unsure of what the wisest path forward is, and you're hoping to proceed with compassion for your partner and yourself, this episode is for you.
Relevant links:
Get the Relational Ambivalence worksheet
"Should I Stay or Should I Go?" Pt. 1 - Accompanying Article by Dr. Alexandra
Order Dr. Alexandra's newest book, Love Every Day
Subscribe to Dr. Alexandra’s Newsletter
Join Dr. Alexandra's five-day retreat with the Modern Elder Academy — Get 10% off with code 'GF10'
Try Kion Aminos risk-free for 60-days with a money-back guarantee - Get 20% off https://www.getkion.com/OSLP - discount code is 'OSLP'
Mental Health and Relationships in Post-Roe America with Shefali Luthra and Dr. Pooja Lakshmin
June 24th marks the two-year anniversary of The Supreme Court’s decision to overturn Roe v. Wade. Because Reimagining Love is a show devoted to relationships and helping people cultivate relationships founded in empowerment and care, Dr. Alexandra wanted to shine a light on the pervasive and pernicious impacts of the Supreme Court’s decision on individuals, couples, and families in the United States. In fact, abortion has become virtually unavailable or significantly restricted in 21 states leaving pregnant people and their loved ones across the country facing the fears and roadblocks in their attempts to access reproductive healthcare.
In this episode Dr. Alexandra facilitates a roundtable discussion with two strong voices in the field who help us better understand the mental health and the relational health effects of living in Post-Roe America– and how restriction of access to abortion exacerbates economic and racial inequality.
Shefali Luthra is a health policy journalist who recently released her first book, Undue Burden: Life and Death Decisions in Post-Roe America, and Dr. Pooja Lakshmin is a perinatal psychiatrist and the author of Real Self Care: A Transformative Program for Redefining Wellness.
Shefali and Dr. Pooja’s powerful insights will resonate with listeners who have experienced these impacts firsthand as well as those watching the landscape unfold from afar.
Relevant Links:
Read Undue Burden: Life and Death Decisions in Post-Roe America by Shefali Luthra
Read Real Self-Care: A Transformative Program for Redefining Wellness (Crystals, Cleanses, and Bubble Baths Not Included) by Dr. Pooja Lakshmin
The UCSF Turnaway Study
Connect with Shefali on X or through email
Learn more about Dr. Pooja’s work, subscribe to her newsletter, and connect with her on Instagram
Order Dr. Alexandra's new book, Love Every Day
Subscribe to Dr. Alexandra’s Newsletter
Join Dr. Alexandra's five-day retreat with the Modern Elder Academy — Get 10% off with code 'GF10'
Try Kion Aminos risk-free for 60-days with a money-back guarantee. Get 20% off https://www.getkion.com/OLSP - discount code is OLSP.
Modern Masculinity: From Toxic to Communicative with Dr. Ish Major
Dr. Ish Major joins Reimagining Love for a frank and honest conversation about modern masculinity and the communication gap across genders. Together, they discuss what is often missing from communication in relationships, what masculinity means in our modern era, and how truth is the antidote to toxic masculinity.
Relevant links:
Connect with Dr. Ish online and on Instagram
Watch Counsel Culture with Nick Cannon
Reimagining Love Episode: “Come Together: Cultivating Sexual Connection in Long-term Relationships with Emily Nagoski”
Order Dr. Alexandra's new book, Love Every Day
Rewrite Your Story: Healing from Trauma with Dr. Frank Anderson
Dr. Frank Anderson is a world-renowned trauma expert and author who has dedicated his career to teaching therapists how to help patients work through trauma. Now, in his immensely personal memoir, To Be Loved, Dr. Frank shares his own story of overcoming trauma. In this conversation, Dr. Frank weaves his clinical knowledge with personal experiences to shine a light on how when we unburden ourselves from the past, we can stop replicating old stories and access our truest selves.
Relevant links:
To Be Loved: A Story of Truth, Trauma, and Transformation by Dr. Frank Anderson
Connect with Dr. Anderson online and on Instagram
Learn more about the Trauma Institute and Trauma-Informed Media.
The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma by Bessel van der Kolk
Order Dr. Alexandra's new book, Love Every Day
Subscribe to Dr. Alexandra’s Newsletter
Join Dr. Alexandra's five-day retreat with the MEA - Get 10% off with code 'GF10'
Strategies for a Thriving Long-Distance Relationship (Re-Release)
Long-distance relationships are no walk in the park, but that doesn't mean they can't thrive. In this re-release of a foundational episode, Dr. Alexandra tackles this topic, sharing tools and tips for couples. If you and your partner live in different time zones, are pros at FaceTime dates, and are constantly asking, "when's our next visit?", this episode is for you.
Relevant links:
Access the Long-Distance Relationships Worksheet Here
Order Dr. Alexandra's new book, Love Every Day
Subscribe to Dr. Alexandra’s Newsletter
Take Dr. Alexandra's "Relationship Superpower" Quiz
Join Dr. Alexandra's five-day retreat with the Modern Elder Academy - Get 10% off with code 'GF10'
Money & Marriage: When One Likes to Spend and One Likes to Save with Dr. Scott Rick
What happens in a marriage when one partner likes to save money and one likes to spend it? According to Dr. Scott Rick’s research, when it comes to money, opposites do attract. Dr. Rick joins Dr. Alexandra to explain how our psychology shapes how we handle money and how the choices we make around money impact our relationships.
Relevant links:
Tightwads and Spendthrifts: Navigating the Money Minefield in Real Relationships by Dr. Scott Rick
Engage with Dr. Rick’s research and connect with him on Instagram and Twitter
Order Dr. Alexandra's new book, Love Every Day