Communication and Conf..., Culture, Emotional Wellness, Family, Intimate Relationships, Marriage Communication and Conf..., Culture, Emotional Wellness, Family, Intimate Relationships, Marriage

Carrying the Mental Load: How Unequal Cognitive Labor Can Affect Your Relationship with Allison Daminger

Dr. Alexandra nerds-out with Dr. Allison Daminger about the division of work in couples, particularly in an often overlooked domain: the mental space. In her research, Daminger found that even when couples approximate parity around “time use”, there are still huge gaps in what she calls “mind use” or cognitive labor… even for modern couples who believe in what she calls the Myth of Mutuality, an equal partnership where both partners evenly share the load.

You will hear about the gendered disparities in cognitive labor in the home in a gentle, blame-free way. When it comes to gender roles in family life, we tend to overestimate the effects of individual differences and underestimate the effects of bigger social forces. So if the load is feeling unequal in your partnership, Daminger wants you to move away from guilt and blame and toward strategies that move you closer to your ideals. 

In this episode, you’ll hear about:

  • What constitutes cognitive labor and why women tend to carry the lion’s share.

  • Experiences from couples in Allison’s research who successfully created shared systems for cognitive labor, and the approaches and conditions that made that possible.

  • The narratives couples use to justify how they divide labor, especially when trying to avoid recreating gendered patterns (while often recreating them anyway).

  • How to spot cognitive labor disparities in your own home and use that awareness to divide responsibilities more fairly based on skill rather than “personality” (i.e., gendered expectations).

  • The pressure that broader societal structures place on individual households, and how reframing the issue can support calls for systemic change.

  • How to start small and make meaningful shifts toward parity in cognitive labor.

Resources worth mentioning from the episode:

Continue the conversation with Dr. Alexandra Solomon:

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Nobody Wants This: How to Love Across Potentially Dealbreaking Differences (Part 2) with My Husband, Todd

Dr. Alexandra is in-studio with her husband, Todd, for this special two-part conversation about loving across potentially dealbreaking differences. Inspired by the Netflix show, Nobody Wants This, starring Kristen Bell and Adam Brody, Dr. Alexandra and Todd reflect on navigating a faith difference, with Dr. Alexandra ultimately converting to Judaism in preparation for their marriage. They discuss the larger question: how can a couple go about navigating ANY potentially dealbreaking difference? 

In this second part of their studio conversation, Dr. Alexandra and Todd talk about scorekeeping, with gender differences, attachment styles and general disposition/worldview in mind, best practices for the “winner” and “loser” in a change/sacrifice scenario, how to approach making sacrifices to stave off resentment…and then the REAL juicy stuff: does Todd hate that Dr. Alexandra is now a Swiftie like him? Plus, hear her hot take on shelving conversations for later.

Resources worth mentioning from the episode:

Continue the conversation with Dr. Alexandra Solomon:

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Communication and Conf..., Culture, Dating, Family, Intimate Relationships, Marriage Communication and Conf..., Culture, Dating, Family, Intimate Relationships, Marriage

Nobody Wants This: How to Love Across Potentially Dealbreaking Differences (Part 1) with My Husband, Todd

Dr. Alexandra is in-studio with her husband, Todd, for this special two-part conversation about loving across potentially dealbreaking differences. Inspired by the Netflix show, Nobody Wants This, starring Kristen Bell and Adam Brody, Dr. Alexandra and Todd reflect on navigating a faith difference, with Dr. Alexandra ultimately converting to Judaism in preparation for their marriage. They discuss the larger question: how can a couple go about navigating ANY potentially dealbreaking difference? 

You’ll hear their reflections on Dr. Alexandra’s decision to convert to Judaism, as they discuss the implications of being the 'sacrificing partner' versus the one being 'sacrificed for’. You will also hear how attachment differences and family of origin dynamics impacted their relationship and what they’ve learned from it all over the years. 

You’ll come away from this episode with:

  • A deeper understanding of how interfaith dynamics can enrich or challenge relationships.

  • Insights into the importance of communication in overcoming differences.

  • Practical advice on navigating family of origin roles and attachment styles to enhance relationship intimacy.

Resources worth mentioning from the episode:

Continue the conversation with Dr. Alexandra Solomon:

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Why Self-Compassion is an Essential Practice with Dr. Kristin Neff

Dr. Alexandra’s conversation with Dr. Kristin Neff is all about self-compassion, an essential tool for your emotional well-being toolkit (and that’s scientifically proven!). Dr. Kristen Neff, a trailblazer in the field of self-compassion research, introduces the three foundational pillars of self-compassion, illustrating how integrating all three of these elements empowers individuals to confront their inner critic and cultivate healthier connections.   

The discussion delves into the biological and family of origin influences that shape our self-criticism, while also addressing the grief that may surface when embarking on a self-compassion journey.  You will also learn about Fierce Self-Compassion, and how we can lean into this action-oriented facet to be ambitious and to fulfill our life’s purpose.

You’ll come away from this episode with:

  • A deeper understanding of the three pillars of self-compassion and their impact on relationships. 

  • Insights into how practising self-compassion can cultivate self-love, foster connection, enhance intimacy, and reduce anxiety, shame, and isolation.

  • A new perspective on some common myths of self-compassion, such as:

  1. Are self-compassion and self-esteem the same thing? 

  2. Is “self-compassion” just “self-pity” rebranded? 

  3. Does practising self-compassion encourage people to not take personal accountability?

  4. Does embracing self-compassion mean we can’t be ambitious or want to come in first place?

  • Strategies for integrating self-compassion into your routine, with a simple starting point that Dr. Kristin Neff herself practises daily.

Resources worth mentioning from the episode:

Continue the conversation with Dr. Alexandra Solomon:

 

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For Love, In Truth: How To Live Authentically and Find Joy with Dr. Martha Beck

“The cost of that is courage, to live for love, in truth. It takes a lot of guts and the rewards are indescribable.”

Dr. Alexandra sits down with bestselling author and coach Dr. Martha Beck to explore what it means to live “for love, in truth”, a mantra that can redefine the way we experience love and relationships. In a world filled with societal pressures and expectations, Martha shares her wisdom on how embracing authenticity can unlock profound joy and lead to fulfilling connections. Martha reflects on her unconventional journey through relationships, and the life-changing lessons learned from a spiritual experience she had while under anesthesia and from being shunned by her community in her young adulthood. Together, Dr. Alexandra and Dr. Martha Beck tackle a listener's poignant question about experiencing doubt in her relationship that’s full of “emotional complexities and longing”, leading her to question if her needs are being met.

In this episode, you’ll learn:

  • What Martha Beck means by her mantra, “For love, in truth,” and how to recognize when you’re living out of alignment with your truth.

  • How to hold love and truth through moments of doubt and loss, and how to embrace doubt and loss as necessary aspects of growth.

  • How to come back to peace when life feels overwhelming.

  • How to balance compassion for your partner with holding your own truth, telling your own story, and tending to your personal needs. 

Resources worth mentioning from the episode:

Continue the conversation with Dr. Alexandra Solomon:

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What To Do When Your Partner Is Struggling (Part Two)

In this two-part series, Dr. Alexandra will be taking you through how to take care of yourself and your relationship when your partner is struggling. Perhaps your partner is struggling with a job loss, a health diagnosis, a mental health challenge, the loss of a loved one, family drama, co-parenting with an ex, or something else entirely. Whatever it is, the theme is that there is some scenario that is taking up more of your partner’s bandwidth than usual, leaving less bandwidth for you and your relationship.

In this second part, Dr. Alexandra is going to take you through five internal strategies to cope with the situation at hand – strategies that are about how you can tend to and take care of yourself. Then she will take you through nine relational strategies – strategies that will help you and your partner maintain or restore your relationship even as your partner struggles. 

You’ll come away with this conversation with:

  • A toolkit of five internal strategies to support your own emotional health while caring for your partner.

  • Nine actionable relational strategies to enhance communication and understanding in your relationship.

  • Insights on the significance of self-care for the non-struggling partner and how it contributes to relationship health.

  • Food-for-thought on resentment, grieving, high-functioning co-dependency, celebrating small victories, and rebuilding after a dark period (and so much more!)

Resources worth mentioning from the episode:

Continue the conversation with Dr. Alexandra Solomon:

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What To Do When Your Partner Is Struggling (Part One)

In this two-part series, Dr. Alexandra will be taking you through how to take care of yourself and your relationship when your partner is struggling. Perhaps your partner is struggling with a job loss, a health diagnosis, a mental health challenge, the loss of a loved one, family drama, co-parenting with an ex, or something else entirely. Whatever it is, the theme is that there is some scenario that is taking up more of your partner’s bandwidth than usual, leaving less bandwidth for you and your relationship.

In this first part, Dr. Alexandra is going to be contextualizing this scenario and providing lots of validation for the struggle that comes with having a struggling partner. She is also going to discuss factors that shape how your partner’s struggle impacts you. Hard things are just hard, but the ways you’re getting activated in the wake of your partner’s struggle also have a lot to do with your specific wounds, as well as the role you played in your family of origin. 

The insights shared in this episode lay the groundwork for a two-part series designed to equip you with effective coping strategies to maintain your well-being while fostering intimacy and connection, even in challenging times.

You’ll come away from this conversation with:

  • A deeper understanding of what Dr. Alexandra calls the Recursive Relational Framework (RRF)

  • Research examples that demonstrate that your partner’s struggles affect you and that how you respond can influence their outcome.

  • Strategies for recognizing and managing your emotional triggers in response to a partner's distress.

  • Practical tips for fostering personal growth while supporting a partner through their challenges. 

Resources worth mentioning from the episode:

Articles mentioned in the episode:

Continue the conversation with Dr. Alexandra Solomon:

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How Healing Your Inner Child Can Deepen Your Relationships with Christine Hassler

What if the key to deeper intimacy lies in understanding the echoes of our past? Dr. Alexandra Solomon sits with Christine Hassler, a Master coach, podcast host, and author, to discuss how our family of origin roles shape our present connections, emphasizing the importance of inner child work and relational self-awareness. Christine shares her journey through the unhealthy patterns that surfaced in her own relationship with her partner, Stef, offering a raw look at the necessity of self-reflection in cultivating healthier dynamics.

You'll come away from this episode with:

  • A deeper understanding of how family of origin influences shape your current relationships.

  • Practical strategies for engaging in inner child work to enhance self-awareness and relational dynamics.

  • Insights into the importance of self-advocacy (especially as women!) and authentic communication in intimate partnerships.

  • Perspective on how our professional roles and work offer yet another arena for us to notice and tend to old pain and create new ways of relating to ourselves and the world around us. 

Resources worth mentioning from the episode:

  • Podcast - Life Coaching with Christine Hassler:

https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/life-coaching-with-christine-hassler/id1050321415

  • Christine Hassler’s The Women’s Retreat in San Diego, Oct 17-19, 2025:

https://christinehassler.com/womensretreat/

Continue the conversation with Dr. Alexandra Solomon:

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Managing Anxiety: Three Root Causes To Help You Find Relief with Noelle McWard Aquino

Anxiety is one of the most common emotional struggles today. Whether you have a formal diagnosis or are simply experiencing the symptoms, you are not alone. 

In this episode, Dr. Alexandra is joined by anxiety expert, therapist, and author Noelle McWard Aquino to talk about the three distinct root causes Noelle has identified and written about in her book Anxiety Unpacked. Together, they discuss which characteristics each type has and what core needs drive them. And most importantly, they discuss practical tools and strategies to help you find relief and peace, regardless of your anxiety type.

You’ll come away with this conversation with:

  • A thorough overview of anxiety, with answers to questions that often come up such as: 

-What’s the difference between anxiety and intuition?

-Is it okay if I just avoid the things that make me anxious?

-How am I possibly going to change my behaviour when I feel as anxious as I do?

-Why do we have to deal with anxiety in the first place?

  • The three root causes of anxiety, characteristics to identify each type, and strategies to manage each type

  • Tips on what to do if you’re struggling with anxiety in your intimate partnership, and what to do if your partner is struggling with anxiety

  • Validation on the experience of anxiety and a mindset shift to provide hope that you can find peace and calm 

Resources worth mentioning from the episode:

  • Learn more about Noelle McWard Aquino

https://noellemcwardaquino.com

  • Anxiety Unpacked: Discover Your Type and Recover Your Peace by Noelle McWard Aquino:

https://bookshop.org/p/books/anxiety-unpacked-noelle-mcward-aquino/a60a608d74e71afb?ean=9781960876904&next=t&

Continue the conversation with Dr. Alexandra Solomon:

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Culture, Emotional Wellness, Intimate Relationships, Relational Self-Awareness, Self-Compassion and Se... Culture, Emotional Wellness, Intimate Relationships, Relational Self-Awareness, Self-Compassion and Se...

It's Not Just You: The Myth of Limitless Resilience with Dr. Tasha Eurich

Have you ever felt like your resilience is being pushed to its limits, especially in the chaotic and complex world we live in today? Dr. Alexandra sits down with organizational psychologist, researcher, and New York Times best-selling author Dr. Tasha Eurich to delve into the insights from her new book, Shatterproof: How to Thrive in a World of Constant Chaos (and Why Resilience Alone Isn’t Enough). In this conversation, they discuss the myths of resilience, as well as what a “resilience ceiling” is and how to identify when we’ve hit it. Most importantly, they talk about how to understand the limits of resilience so that we don’t, as Dr. Tasha would call it, “grit gaslight” ourselves when our usual coping strategies don’t work the way they used to.

You'll come away from this episode with:

  • A clearer understanding of the limitations of resilience and how to identify when you’ve reached your 'resilience ceiling’.

  • A renewed perspective on the importance of acknowledging struggles as part of personal growth and healing (stoicism isn't the answer here!).

  • Practical strategies and tools to enhance your self-awareness and well-being, such as Dr. Tasha’s self-assessment for determining how much of our self-definition is about our work and ambition, and her 2-2-2 tool for managing overwhelm.

  • Insights into the essential emotional needs that foster deeper connections in your relationships.

Resources worth mentioning from the episode:

  • The Resilience Ceiling Quiz

https://resilience-quiz.com

  • Shatterproof: How to Thrive in a World of Constant Chaos (And Why Resilience Alone Isn't Enough) by Tasha Eurich

https://bookshop.org/p/books/shatterproof-how-to-thrive-in-a-world-of-constant-chaos-and-why-resilience-alone-isn-t-enough-tasha-eurich/9f0e6a8876113ed0

Continue the conversation with Dr. Alexandra Solomon:

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Communication and Conf..., Culture, Current Events, Dating, Relational Self-Awareness Communication and Conf..., Culture, Current Events, Dating, Relational Self-Awareness

Navigating Political Polarization: How to Connect Through Curious Conversations with Mónica Guzmán

There are a few things we likely can all agree on: (1) we are living in a very polarizing time, (2) it’s hurting us, and (3) the way that we talk about politics is broken, given that we are all living in different information orbits. In this episode, Dr. Alexandra sits down with Mónica Guzmán who offers us some hope for the relationships in our lives that have suffered as a result of this polarization. She also offers us the perspective we need to help us stay grounded, even as the structures all around us fiercely demand our attention and invite our reactivity.

The goal is not necessarily to seek to change each other’s view on the issues but to change our view on each other. And to see that “engagement is not endorsement", as we work to enter into curious dialogue with the people in our lives. This will perhaps allow us to notice the ways that we are not as divided as we believe we are.

You’ll come away with this conversation with:

  • Strategies on how to approach the conversations with the people in your life that have historically gone sideways due to ideological misalignments

  • Insights on maintaining curiosity and connection in the face of division

  • Tips for navigating the online dating landscape without compromising your values or limiting yourself

Resources worth mentioning from the episode:

Continue the conversation with Dr. Alexandra Solomon:

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Revisit & Reflect: Dr. Thema Bryant on How to Heal Through Resting

We’re living in a time of information abundance (sometimes information overload!) and lots of that information is about mental health, wellness, and relational health! But there’s a difference between consuming content and integrating it. When we consume, the information might just pass through us. Whereas when we integrate, the information weaves its way into our unique story or situation. This creates insight and the potential for a shift in mindset, in emotion, in belief, and in behavior. 

Reflect and journal with Dr. Alexandra to integrate core lessons from the podcast, continuing with today’s conversation from the archive. Originally released in September 2022, Dr. Alexandra and Dr. Thema Bryant discuss the importance of resting and of tapping into the things that make you feel truly alive. They also recognize that the ways the system impacts our sense of identity may hinder us from experiencing ease in rest or leisure. They invite us to incorporate these essential self-care acts into our lives little by little.

Get out your favorite pen and journal to reflect on these perspectives:

  • Many of your struggles are influenced by systemic issues and are not as personal as you might think. Acknowledging this makes a lot of the negative voices in our heads that are related to our worth less of a mystery - often, they did not come from us.

  • Rest is a radical act of self-compassion and connection (and not selfish or lazy!), although many people find it very difficult to slow down for a variety of reasons, particularly those from historically excluded identities.

  • While slowing down can feel overwhelming because it brings up avoided emotions, integrating this practice gradually, and slowly noticing the information our emotions provide us, can allow us to tap into our truth.

Journaling Prompts:

  1. How ​do ​the ​macro ​issues ​of ​the ​world ​shape ​your ​sense ​of ​yourself ​in ​this ​moment ​today? ​What ​do ​the ​voices ​in ​your ​head ​tell ​you ​about ​your ​worth? Did ​that ​voice ​come ​from ​you? ​How ​might ​you ​show ​up ​differently ​if ​you ​rejected ​what ​the ​voices ​told ​you ​when ​they ​told ​you ​negative ​things ​about ​your ​worth? ​    

  2. What's ​your ​relationship ​with ​rest and ​stillness?  Is ​there ​some ​discomfort ​there? What, ​perhaps, ​keeps ​you ​from ​feeling ​at ​ease ​while ​resting? What ​does ​it ​feel ​like ​in ​your ​body ​to ​be ​still, to ​do ​nothing, ​to ​not ​be ​productive? What ​does ​doing ​something ​just ​for ​the ​sake ​of ​doing ​it, ​not ​as ​a ​means ​to ​an ​end, but ​just ​to ​be ​in ​the ​moment - what ​does ​that ​feel ​like? ​What's ​coming ​up ​for ​you ​as ​we ​sit ​here ​together ​right ​now? ​

  3. What ​comes ​to ​mind ​when ​you ​are ​being ​invited ​to ​reconnect with ​​some ​neglected ​parts ​of ​yourself? ​     

  4. What ​are ​you ​doing when ​you ​feel ​the ​most ​alive? What's ​the ​setting? ​What's ​the ​context? ​What ​time ​of ​day ​is ​it? What ​are ​you ​up ​to? What ​are ​the ​constraints ​to ​entering ​that ​space ​that ​makes ​you ​feel ​most ​alive? ​What, ​perhaps, keeps ​you ​from ​feeling ​entitled ​to ​make ​space for ​that which ​makes ​you ​come ​alive? ​ 

  5. What ​is ​a ​pledge ​that you ​can ​make ​to ​yourself ​this ​week ​to ​carve ​out ​even ​the ​tiniest ​bit ​more ​space ​for ​rest, for ​stillness, for ​doing ​that ​which ​makes ​you ​feel ​alive? And ​if ​and ​when ​you ​carve ​out ​a ​little ​tiny ​bit ​more ​space, ​can ​you ​just ​notice ​and ​land ​and ​savor how you ​feel when ​you ​enter that ​space ​of ​rest and ​stillness?

Resources worth mentioning from the episode:

  • Reimagining Love episode, Coming Home to Ourselves: The Path to Thriving with Dr. Thema Bryant

https://dralexandrasolomon.com/podcasts/coming-home-to-ourselves-learning-to-thrive-with-dr-thema-bryant/

https://dralexandrasolomon.com/podcasts/coming-home-to-ourselves-learning-to-thrive-with-dr-thema-bryant/

  • Homecoming: Overcome Fear and Trauma to Reclaim Your Whole, Authentic Self by Dr. Thema Bryant:

https://bookshop.org/p/books/homecoming-healing-trauma-to-reclaim-your-authentic-self-thema-bryant/20204100?ean=9780593418321&next=t

  • The Homecoming Podcast:

https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-homecoming-podcast-with-dr-thema/id1471604689

https://podcasts.apple.com/ca/podcast/the-homecoming-podcast-with-dr-thema/id1471604689

  • Dr. Thema’s Instagram:

https://www.instagram.com/dr.thema

  • Tricia Hershey’s The Nap Ministry (Healing via the REST IS RESISTANCE framework):

https://thenapministry.wordpress.com/about/

https://thenapministry.wordpress.com/about/

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Mailbag Episode! Rebuilding After Infidelity

The fourth and final mailbag episode of the summer is here! Check out Dr. Alexandra’s advice for three listeners with three relationship dilemmas related to infidelity and rebuilding trust, both relationally and within themselves.

Our first listener question concerns shame upon discovering an extramarital affair. Our second question deals with jealousy in the wake of some boundary-breaching behavior that is impacting the relationship.  And our third question is from an affair partner who is struggling with honesty and clarity within the affair from her married partner. Listen to hear Dr. Alexandra’s guidance and submit your own question by following the link below.

“Your Midyear Refresh” on MasterClass: masterclass.com/yourmidyearrefresh

Couple Therapy Certification Course from PESI: pesi.com/dralexandra

Can I Trust You Again? E-Course: https://courses.dralexandrasolomon.com/can-i-trust-you-again-rebuilding-after-betrayal-or-deceit

Reimagining Love Episode, When Shame Blocks Repair

Reimagining Love Episode, When You’re the Affair Partner 

Order Dr. Alexandra’s book, Love Every Day

Subscribe to Dr. Alexandra’s Newsletter

Submit a Listener Question

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Communication and Conf..., Dating, Emotional Wellness, Intimate Relationships, Relational Self-Awareness Communication and Conf..., Dating, Emotional Wellness, Intimate Relationships, Relational Self-Awareness

Dating with Intention and Optimism: How to Get What You Want Out of Love with Case Kenny

Dr. Alexandra sits down with Case Kenny – creator, mindfulness expert, host of the podcast New Mindset, Who Dis? and author of That’s Bold of You and The Opposite of Settling: How to Get Everything You Want Out of Love and Life Without Losing Your Spark – to discuss how societal “shoulds” around dating and relationships can create rigid expectations and fear-based decisions. Instead, they invite us to lean into curiosity, optimism, and self-awareness to get what we want out of love and dating.

Together, they dive into:

  • Why the concept of “settling down” needs an upgrade—and what it means to “settle up” instead

  • How understanding your “why” of dating shifts your whole approach

  • Using the peak-end rule to reframe past dating experiences

  • How showing up enthusiastically and with trust as the default right from the start can amplify your dating and relationship experiences

And so much more!

“Your Midyear Refresh” on MasterClass: masterclass.com/yourmidyearrefresh

Couple Therapy Certification Course from PESI: pesi.com/dralexandra

The Opposite of Settling: How to Get Everything You Want Out of Love and Life Without Losing Your Spark by Case Kenny

Instagram @case.kenny

Learn more about Case Kenny: https://www.casekenny.com/

Order Dr. Alexandra’s book, Love Every Day

Submit a Listener Question

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Loving Across Difference: Navigating Identity and Family Relationships Between Cultures with Sahaj Kaur Kohli

First-generation children of immigrants often struggle with bicultural straddling, impacting their sense of identity, their mental health, their priorities and values, and their relationships. They can also find it difficult to be understood and loved by their parents in a way they can truly feel. Dr. Alexandra is joined by Sahaj Kaur Kohli, founder of Brown Girl Therapy and author of But What Will People Say: Navigating Mental Health, Identity, Love and Family Between Cultures to discuss how we can develop more capacity to love across differences and make shifts within ourselves to change our relationships for the better.

You will come away from this conversation with:

  • Validation for identity tensions you may carry as the child of immigrant parents (or more perspective on these identity tensions if you are not!)

  • Insight into balancing personal boundaries with cultural expectations, especially when dealing with clashing priorities - plus a fresh perspective on how to approach healing

  • Tips on finding the right therapist and how to ensure you’re receiving culturally-attuned care given the mental health field’s bias toward a Eurocentric and individualized approach 

  • Strategies for building healthier relationships - with yourself, your family, and romantic partners - while honoring your heritage

“Your Midyear Refresh” on MasterClass: masterclass.com/yourmidyearrefresh

Couple Therapy Certification Course from PESI: pesi.com/dralexandra

But What Will People Say: Navigating Mental Health, Identity, Love and Family Between Cultures by Sahaj Kaur Kohli

Brown Girl Therapy Instagram

Culturally Enough Substack

Learn more about Sahaj Kaur Kohli

Order Dr. Alexandra’s book, Love Every Day

Submit a Listener Question

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Your Mindset Changes Everything: The Power of Practical Optimism with Dr. Sue Varma

Today’s guest, psychiatrist and author Dr. Sue Varma, says that optimists may be born, but “practical optimists” are made. Not all optimism is good, and not all pessimism is bad. BUT when we become mired in negativity, Dr. Sue says, we become paralyzed and passive. So what’s the fix? In her book, Practical Optimism, and in this episode, she makes a compelling case for why we all need more optimism in our lives and tells us how we can cultivate it right now. Dr. Alexandra chats with Dr. Sue about the role self-compassion plays in this journey, and how finding your soul’s purpose can help you remain in an optimistic zone for decades to come. They also discuss how partners can explore their unique strengths in this area as a team.

Relevant links:

"Your Anxiety Toolkit" on MasterClass: www.masterclass.com/youranxietytoolkit

Practical Optimism The Art, Science, and Practice of Exceptional Well-Being by Dr. Sue Varma

Dr. Sue’s website

Order Dr. Alexandra’s book, Love Every Day

Subscribe to Dr. Alexandra’s Newsletter

Submit a Listener Question

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Finding Abundance: The Expansion That Lives Within with Cathy Heller

“So often we look outside ourselves for the expansion that lives within,” says today’s guest Cathy Heller, a coach, spiritual guide, meditation teacher, and inspirational speaker. Many of us hang our worth and happiness on things we don’t have yet: the dream job, the perfect relationship, the fancy clothes. But in Cathy’s book Abundant Ever After, as well as in this episode, she tells us that we can have the ease, connection, and joy we so desperately crave, just as we are now. And when we can learn to do that, we become ready to receive abundance. Cathy and Dr. Alexandra discuss the Law of Reception and our capacity for welcoming goodness in, in the same way a radio dial tunes into different channels. Cathy also kicks off the episode by leading listeners through a nourishing mediation, which you can return to at any tim

Relevant links:

"Your Anxiety Toolkit" on MasterClass: www.masterclass.com/youranxietytoolkit

Abundant Ever After: Tools for Creating a Life of Prosperity and Ease by Cathy Heller

Cathy’s Instagram @cathy.heller

Cathy’s website

Order Dr. Alexandra’s book, Love Every Day

Subscribe to Dr. Alexandra’s Newsletter

Submit a Listener Question

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Communication and Conf..., Culture, Emotional Wellness, Intimate Relationships, Marriage, Relational Self-Awareness, Self-Compassion and Se... Communication and Conf..., Culture, Emotional Wellness, Intimate Relationships, Marriage, Relational Self-Awareness, Self-Compassion and Se...

Can You Have an Amazing Career AND an Amazing Relationship?

Few topics are more relevant to our day-to-day lives than work. For many of us, our jobs are more than just occupations—they’re where we achieve goals, make meaning, experience successes and failures, and cultivate our self-esteem. So, when work and love collide, we find ourselves at a rich intersection of emotions, expectations, and needs. In this episode, Dr. Alexandra uncovers why fighting with your partner about work is never just that, and shares tools you can use to cultivate intimacy and ambition simultaneously. You’ll learn about what Dr. Alexandra calls “the Work-Love Matrix,” understand the connections between your experience in the workplace and your experience growing up in your Family-of-Origin, and hear a five-step practice you can use today to have more supportive conversations about work with your partner.

Relevant links:

Further Listening: Is Work Stress Taking a Toll on Your Relationship? (Reimagining Love)

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Communication and Conf..., Emotional Wellness, Intimate Relationships, Marriage, Relational Self-Awareness, Self-Compassion and Se... Communication and Conf..., Emotional Wellness, Intimate Relationships, Marriage, Relational Self-Awareness, Self-Compassion and Se...

Is There an “Effort Mismatch” in Your Relationship?

When two partners have a major difference between them, it can kick up a lot of dust in a relationship. One of the most common is what Dr. Alexandra calls “The Effort Mismatch”: while one partner tends to scan the relationship for problems and is always on the lookout for growth opportunities (The Change Partner), the other partner holds steady, generally accepting the relationship for what it is today (The Acceptance Partner). The good news is, when both partners understand and value their differences, this contrast between them can be a huge asset to their relationship. However, most couples with an Effort Mismatch struggle to reckon with this discrepancy, digging their heels into their side of the dynamic or wishing their partner would magically change. In this episode, Dr. Alexandra explores the internal and relational experience of each of these two types of partners, shares tailored reminders and guidance for each of them, and explains how this difference can actually be extremely complementary, even as it poses challenges for a couple.

Relevant links:

Order Dr. Alexandra’s book, Love Every Day

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Communication and Conf..., Emotional Wellness, Intimate Relationships, Marriage, Relational Self-Awareness, Self-Compassion and Se... Communication and Conf..., Emotional Wellness, Intimate Relationships, Marriage, Relational Self-Awareness, Self-Compassion and Se...

How to Love Better: Cultivating Growth, Kindness, and Compassion with Yung Pueblo

You likely know today’s guest, Diego Perez, by his pen name: Yung Pueblo. He has an online audience of over 4 million people and is a New York Times bestselling author, whose books have been translated into over 25 languages. Diego’s work focuses on the power of self-healing, creating healthy relationships, and cultivating self-awareness, and his meditation practice is central to all that he shares with the world. He and Dr. Alexandra discuss all of that in this conversation, as they dig into the lessons and reflections he’s woven together in his new book, How to Love Better: The Path to Deeper Connection Through Growth, Kindness, and Compassion. They dive into what it means to argue and disagree peacefully with a partner, the power of meditation, and why it’s important to work with the universe, not against it. Diego also opens up about his own love story with his wife, Sarah. They wrap things up by exploring a question together from a listener in Chicago who is feeling doubts in her relationship and isn’t sure about the way forward.

Relevant links:

How to Love Better: The Path to Deeper Connection Through Growth, Kindness, and Compassion by Yung Pueblo

Diego’s Instagram @yung_pueblo

Diego’s website

Order Dr. Alexandra’s book, Love Every Day

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