2/4/25 2/4/25

Family of Origin Roles Series: The Parentified Child (From Confidant to Consultant)

Today’s episode is part of a solo series on Reimagining Love about Family of Origin Roles (a.k.a. FOO roles). Tune in on the first two Tuesdays of each month to learn about how the roles we were cast into as children and held within our family systems shape how we show up in our relationships today. Whether you were the one who held the family together, the rebel who pushed back against household norms, or the “easy” kid who flew under the radar, we all inhabited a position in the community of our family and absorbed certain messages about love, connection, and worthiness as a result. Check out the introductory episode of the series if you missed it! All previous role-specific episodes are also linked here: The Perfect One (From Performance to Presence), The Easy One (From Accommodation to Authenticity), The Struggling One (From Scapegoat to Self-Advocate), The Peacemaker (From Referee to Realist).

We’re taking a look at “The Parentified Child” role in today’s episode. The child cast into this role likely heard that they were “so mature,” “wise beyond their years,” or were praised for their comforting presence when they were growing up. The problem? Kids shouldn’t have to provide emotional support to the adults in their family. Unfortunately for the Parentified Child, this felt like the surest route to safety and love, perhaps due to a chaotic environment, overwhelmed parents, or conflict in the family system. As an adult, the Parentified Child carries with them a certain set of beliefs and tendencies that they picked up as a kid in this role. Does this sound like you, or someone you love? Listen to the episode to learn more about this role and how The Parentified Child can free themselves from always taking on others’ needs and create more egalitarian relationships that feel safe and nourishing.

Relevant links:

Get the FREE Family of Origin Roles Workbook: Reclaiming You

Reimagining Love episode with Dr. Hillary McBride: Getting Present: Tuning Into Your Body with Dr. Hillary McBride

Reimagining Love series: “I Love My Partner, But Their Family is Toxic”: Part 1, Part 2

Girlhood Interrupted: The Erasure of Black Girls' Childhood (Rebecca Epstein, Jamilia J. Blake, Thalia González, from the Center on Poverty and Inequality, Georgetown Law)

Past episodes of the Family of Origin Roles Series: Introductory Episode, The Perfect One (From Performance to Presence), The Easy One (From Accommodation to Authenticity), The Struggling One (From Scapegoat to Self-Advocate), The Peacemaker (From Referee to Realist)

Take the Family of Origin Roles Quiz

Reimagining Love: “Tending to ‘Little You’ & Exploring Your Family of Origin”

Order Dr. Alexandra’s book, Love Every Day

Subscribe to Dr. Alexandra’s Newsletter

Submit a Listener Question

1/14/25 1/14/25

Family of Origin Roles Series: The Peacemaker (From Referee to Realist)

We’re taking a look at “The Peacemaker” role in today’s episode. All families have conflict, and it’s common for one child in the family to play a referee or mediator role, either through intervention or more subtler peacemaking strategies, such as comic relief. As adults, Peacemakers likely find themselves between friends and family members when there are tensions and may struggle to extract themselves from these dynamics. Does this sound like you, or someone you love? Listen to the episode to learn more about this role and how The Peacemaker can embark on their healing journey.