Why Self-Compassion is an Essential Practice with Dr. Kristin Neff
Dr. Alexandra’s conversation with Dr. Kristin Neff is all about self-compassion, an essential tool for your emotional well-being toolkit (and that’s scientifically proven!). Dr. Kristen Neff, a trailblazer in the field of self-compassion research, introduces the three foundational pillars of self-compassion, illustrating how integrating all three of these elements empowers individuals to confront their inner critic and cultivate healthier connections.
The discussion delves into the biological and family of origin influences that shape our self-criticism, while also addressing the grief that may surface when embarking on a self-compassion journey. You will also learn about Fierce Self-Compassion, and how we can lean into this action-oriented facet to be ambitious and to fulfill our life’s purpose.
You’ll come away from this episode with:
- A deeper understanding of the three pillars of self-compassion and their impact on relationships.
- Insights into how practising self-compassion can cultivate self-love, foster connection, enhance intimacy, and reduce anxiety, shame, and isolation.
- A new perspective on some common myths of self-compassion, such as:
- Are self-compassion and self-esteem the same thing?
- Is “self-compassion” just “self-pity” rebranded?
- Does practising self-compassion encourage people to not take personal accountability?
- Does embracing self-compassion mean we can’t be ambitious or want to come in first place?
- Strategies for integrating self-compassion into your routine, with a simple starting point that Dr. Kristin Neff herself practises daily.
Resources worth mentioning from the episode:
- Learn more about Dr. Kristin Neff and Self-Compassion: https://self-compassion.org/
- Join the Self-Compassion Community: https://self-compassion.org/self-compassion-community/
- Fierce Self-Compassion by Dr. Kristin Neff: https://bookshop.org/p/books/fierce-self-compassion-how-to-harness-kindness-to-speak-up-claim-your-power-and-thrive-dr-kristin-neff/76d3f59a98e08da8?ean=9780062991065&next=t
- Self-Compassion by Dr. Kristin Neff: https://bookshop.org/p/books/self-compassion-the-proven-power-of-being-kind-to-yourself-dr-kristin-neff/a22f80fa1a9efa3b?ean=9780061733529&next=t
- Managing Back to School Stress on MasterClass: http://masterclass.com/backtoschool
Continue the conversation with Dr. Alexandra Solomon:
- Ask a question! Submit your relationship challenge: https://form.jotform.com/212295995939274
- Order Dr. Alexandra’s book, Love Every Day: https://bookshop.org/p/books/love-every-day-365-relational-self-awareness-practices-to-help-your-relationship-heal-grow-and-thrive-alexandra-solomon/19970421?ean=9781683736530
- Cultivate connection by subscribing to Dr. Alexandra’s newsletter: https://dralexandrasolomon.com/subscribe/
- Learn more on IG: https://www.instagram.com/dr.alexandra.solomon/
For Love, In Truth: How To Live Authentically and Find Joy with Dr. Martha Beck
“The cost of that is courage, to live for love, in truth. It takes a lot of guts and the rewards are indescribable.”
Dr. Alexandra sits down with bestselling author and coach Dr. Martha Beck to explore what it means to live “for love, in truth”, a mantra that can redefine the way we experience love and relationships. In a world filled with societal pressures and expectations, Martha shares her wisdom on how embracing authenticity can unlock profound joy and lead to fulfilling connections. Martha reflects on her unconventional journey through relationships, and the life-changing lessons learned from a spiritual experience she had while under anesthesia and from being shunned by her community in her young adulthood. Together, Dr. Alexandra and Dr. Martha Beck tackle a listener's poignant question about experiencing doubt in her relationship that’s full of “emotional complexities and longing”, leading her to question if her needs are being met.
In this episode, you’ll learn:
- What Martha Beck means by her mantra, “For love, in truth,” and how to recognize when you’re living out of alignment with your truth.
- How to hold love and truth through moments of doubt and loss, and how to embrace doubt and loss as necessary aspects of growth.
- How to come back to peace when life feels overwhelming.
- How to balance compassion for your partner with holding your own truth, telling your own story, and tending to your personal needs.
Resources worth mentioning from the episode:
- Learn more about Martha Beck: https://marthabeck.com/
- Beyond Anxiety: Curiosity, Creativity and Finding Your Life’s Purpose by Martha Beck: https://bookshop.org/p/books/beyond-anxiety-curiosity-creativity-and-finding-your-life-s-purpose-martha-beck/6741d02da06f0869
- Martha Beck and Rowan Mangan’s Wilder Community: https://wildercommunity.com/
- Managing Back to School Stress on MasterClass: http://masterclass.com/backtoschool
Continue the conversation with Dr. Alexandra Solomon:
- Ask a question! Submit your relationship challenge: https://form.jotform.com/212295995939274
- Order Dr. Alexandra’s book, Love Every Day: https://bookshop.org/p/books/love-every-day-365-relational-self-awareness-practices-to-help-your-relationship-heal-grow-and-thrive-alexandra-solomon/19970421?ean=9781683736530
- Cultivate connection by subscribing to Dr. Alexandra’s newsletter: https://dralexandrasolomon.com/subscribe/
- Learn more on IG: https://www.instagram.com/dr.alexandra.solomon/
Family of Origin Roles Series: The Easy One (From Accommodation to Authenticity)
Today’s episode is part of a solo series on Reimagining Love about Family of Origin Roles (a.k.a. FOO roles). Tune in on the first two Tuesdays of each month to learn about how the roles we were cast into as children and held within our family systems shape how we show up in our relationships today. Whether you were the one who held the family together, the rebel who pushed back against household norms, or the “easy” kid who flew under the radar, we all inhabited a position in the community of our family and absorbed certain messages about love, connection, and worthiness as a result. Check out the introductory episode of the series if you missed it last month!
We’re taking a look at “The Easy One” role in today’s episode. If you were the kid who could always “go with the flow” in your family, this might be you. As a child, you didn’t express a lot of needs (even though you had them, as we all do!), and that may have been a relief to the Big People in your system, because their attention was needed elsewhere. As an adult, you may identify as a people-pleaser, always attuning yourself to the people around you, wondering how you can make them comfortable or happy. You may believe you’re only worthy to the degree that you’re accommodating others. Does this sound like you, or someone you love? Listen to the episode to learn more about this role and how The Easy One can embark on their healing journey.
Visit www.masterclass.com/alexandrasolomon to check out the class I co-taught with Ryan Holiday and other experts about the wisdom of ancient philosophy and how it can help us improve communication, resilience, and relationships.
Relevant links:
Get the FREE Family of Origin Roles Workbook: Reclaiming You
Take the Family of Origin Roles Quiz
Reimagining Love: “Tending to ‘Little You’ & Exploring Your Family of Origin”
Dr. Alexandra’s Psychotherapy Networker Article
Resources about power exchange / kink:
- From Michelle Herzog’s Center for Modern Relationships: Article Part I, Article Part II
- Pleasure Mechanics: Courses
- Pleasure Mechanics: Podcast episode
- Dipsea: “How to explore light bondage play with your trusted partner” by Toni Sicola (2021)
- Pillow Talk Podcast (Vanessa + Xander Marin): How To Spice It Up In the Bedroom: Exploring Kink For Beginners
- TIME Article: “Why I Kept My Kinks a Secret” by R.O. Kwon (2024)
- British GQ: “A dominatrix gives a beginners guide to kink” by Daisy Schofield (2024)
Order Dr. Alexandra’s book, Love Every Day
Subscribe to Dr. Alexandra’s Newsletter
Give the gift of Relational Self-Awareness! All of Dr. Alexandra's online offerings are 20% off until December 20th, 2024! They include the hallmark course "Intimate Relationships 101" and the Reimagining Love Workbook as a beautiful companion to this podcast. Visit https://dralexandrasolomon.com/giftguide2024/ to explore Relational Self-Awareness as you and your loved ones move into the new year.
Build essential relationship skills with MasterClass. Dr. Alexandra, Ryan Holiday, and other experts share how you can improve communication, resilience, and relationships with the class “Using Ancient Wisdom to Solve Modern Problems”. Learn more at http://www.masterclass.com/alexandrasolomon