LISTEN TO THE REIMAGINING LOVE PODCAST WITH DR. ALEXANDRA SOLOMONA conversation about the relationships that matter most
Reimagining Love with Dr. Alexandra Solomon is your destination for profound, enlightening discussions about love, family, intimacy, and everything in between. A podcast that gives us the opportunity to reimagine ourselves, our relationships, and our world. Hosted by renowned clinical psychologist, professor, and author Dr. Alexandra Solomon featuring conversations with listeners as well as notable guests.
Listen to Reimagining Love
Tending to Loss: What We Get Wrong About Grief with Megan Devine
Today's episode is all about grief, featuring guest expert Megan Devine. Megan is a grief advocate, dedicated to helping us live through the things we never thought we’d face. Dr. Alexandra and Megan discuss what we all get wrong about grief, and they address a question from a well-meaning listener who wants to learn how to better support a friend who has suffered a painful loss.
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It's Ok That You're Not Ok: Meeting Grief and Loss in a Culture That Doesn't Understand by Megan Devine:
How to Carry What Can't Be Fixed: A Journal For Grief by Megan Devine:
https://bookshop.org/books/how-to-carry-what-can-t-be-fixed-a-journal-for-grief/9781683643708
Connect with Megan:
Here After, Megan's Podcast:
https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/here-after-with-megan-devine/id1595914505
What Women Lose in Marriage: The Case for a Radical Awakening with Dr Shefali Tsabary
Dr. Shefali Tsabary, New York Times bestselling author and parenting expert, joins Dr. Alexandra for a rich discussion about her new book, A Radical Awakening: Turn Pain into Power, Embrace Your Truth, Live Free, which explores the ways in which our patriarchal culture traps women into cycles and arrangements that keep them from living their fullest lives.
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A Radical Awakening: Turn Pain into Power, Embrace Your Truth, Live Free by Dr. Shefali Tsabary:
"I Love Them, But I'm Not in Love With Them"
This solo episode focuses on the phrase “I love them, but I’m not in love with them.” Have you heard it in your own life? Dr. Alexandra unpacks what can lie beneath the surface of this phrase and explores the feelings, ideas, and commitments that the world “love” captures for different people.
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From Performance to Pleasure: A New Vision for Sexuality with Dr. Emily Nagoski
Dr. Emily Nagoski joins Dr. Solomon to talk all things sexuality and pleasure. They answer two listener questions together and discuss Dr. Emily's work and research around female pleasure as well as burnout and the stress cycle.
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Come as You Are: Revised and Updated: The Surprising New Science That Will Transform Your Sex Life by Emily Nagoski, Ph.D.
Burnout: The Secret to Unlocking the Stress Cycle by Emily Nagoski, Ph.D. & Amelia Nagoski, DMA
https://bookshop.org/books/burnout-the-secret-to-unlocking-the-stress-cycle/9781984818324
Dr. Emily Nagoski's Worksheets:
Sexual Temperament Questionnaire
Sexual Cues Assessment Worksheet
Turning Off the Offs Worksheet
The Nap Ministry @thenapministry
From the Inside Out: Attachment Theory & Mindful Parenting with Dr. Dan Siegel
Dr. Dan Siegel joins Dr. Alexandra to talk about attachment theory, parenting, and healing intergenerational trauma. Dr. Siegel's work looms large in the worlds of psychology, psychotherapy, and interpersonal neurobiology, and he has published many bestselling books, linked below.
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Links to a selection of Dr. Dan Siegel's books:
Mentioned in this episode:
Values & Communication: The Next Sexual Revolution with Cindy Gallop
Dr. Alexandra is joined by tech entrepreneur Cindy Gallop, who has made waves in the business world. She's the founder of Make Love Not Porn, the world’s first user-generated, human-curated social sex video-sharing platform, socializing and normalizing sex in order to make it easier to talk about sex, and to promote consent, communication, good sexual values and good sexual behavior. Cindy tells the story of MLNP and discusses a listener question with Dr. Alexandra.
Dr. Alexandra's E-Course: "Can I Trust You Again? Rebuilding After Betrayal or Deceit"
https://courses.dralexandrasolomon.com/can-i-trust-you-again-rebuilding-after-betrayal-or-deceit
MakeLoveNotPorn:
Can We Rebuild After Infidelity?
Deciding whether to stay or leave a relationship in the aftermath of infidelity is not easy, and in this episode, Dr. Alexandra walks through the factors to consider when reeling from this crisis. She poses reflection questions for both partners and situates the crisis of infidelity in research and our cultural context. Dr. Alexandra also announces the launch of her new e-course, "Can I Trust You Again? Rebuilding After Betrayal or Deceit," which can be found below.
Dr. Alexandra's E-Course: "Can I Trust You Again? Rebuilding After Betrayal or Deceit"
https://courses.dralexandrasolomon.com/can-i-trust-you-again-rebuilding-after-betrayal-or-deceit
CU Boulder Infidelity Study
Infidelity Around the World (The Economist)
https://www.economist.com/1843/2018/01/16/infidelity-around-the-world
Extramarital Affairs (Pew Research Center)
https://pewresearch.org/global/2014/01/14/extramarital-affairs-topline/
Post-Traumatic Stress & Infidelity Study (Stress & Health)
Love Stories: Recovering from Infidelity with Kristi Born & Rainier Wylde
On this Love Stories episode, Dr. Alexandra welcomes on a couple with a stunning story of rebuilding their marriage in the aftermath of infidelity: Kristi Born & Rainier Wylde. Together, they explore the story of their relationship, starting from the day they first met, to the early years of their marriage, to the moment of rupture, and the incredible journey of repair that they continue today. Their story gives us the opportunity to empathize with the pain of infidelity, as well as providing insights about what rebuilding trust can look when both partners are committed to walking forward together.
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Books on infidelity and related topics:
What Makes Love Last?: How to Build Trust and Avoid Betrayal (John Gottman)
New Monogamy: Redefining Your Relationship After Infidelity (Tammy Nelson)
The State of Affairs (Esther Perel)
The Book of Forgiving: The Fourfold Path for Healing Ourselves and Our World (Desmond Tutu & Mpho Tutu)
The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma (Bessel Van Der Kolk)
Discernment in Dating: Cutting Through the Noise with Dr. Sara Nasserzadeh
Dating is hard enough, and with so many voices offering advice, opinions, and hot takes, it can be challenging to tune in with yourself and how you really feel about a new prospect. Dr. Alexandra invites Dr. Sara Nasserzadeh on the show to answer a question from a listener who is having this exact challenge, and they discuss ways to regulate the nervous system and tune in with the body before, during, and after a date.
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The Body Keeps the Score by Bessel Van Der Kolk:
Burnout: The Secret to Unlocking the Stress Cycle by Emily Nagoski and Amelia Nagoski:
https://bookshop.org/books/burnout-the-secret-to-unlocking-the-stress-cycle/9781984818324
Dr. Sara Nasserzadeh’s website:
https://www.sara-nasserzadeh.com/
Dr. Sara Nasserzadeh’s Instagram:
Reclaiming Pleasure: Trauma, Healing, & Communicating Boundaries with Dr. Holly Richmond
Dr. Holly Richmond joins Dr. Alexandra for a rich discussion about her book, Reclaiming Pleasure: A Sex-Positive Guide for Moving Past Sexual Trauma and Living a Passionate Life. They also answer a listener question about communicating sexual boundaries in dating situations. (CW: sexual trauma)
Dr. Holly’s book, Reclaiming Pleasure: A Sex-Positive Guide for Moving Past Sexual Trauma and Living a Passionate Life:
Dr. Holly’s free mini-course, “Grounding Exercises for Survivors Reclaiming Pleasure after Sexual Trauma”
https://www.reclaimingyourpleasure.com/freeminicourse
Dr. Richmond’s Instagram, @drhollyrichmond
https://www.instagram.com/drhollyrichmond/
National Sexual Assault Hotline (RAINN)
Additional resources and help lines:
Working Through Jealousy as a Couple
In this solo episode, Dr. Alexandra gets into the nitty gritty of a common relational challenge: jealousy. Addressing both the jealous individual and their partner, Dr. Alexandra illustrates how jealousy can manifest, what it says about a relationship and how couples can move through the emotion as a team.
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Resources and help lines for relationship abuse and domestic abuse:
The Widespread Suspicion of Opposite-Sex Friendships (The Atlantic):
https://www.theatlantic.com/family/archive/2019/08/mistrust-opposite-sex-friendships/596437/
Cognitive Behavioral Therapy for Romantic Jealousy (Psychology Today):
Study: The Price of Distrust: Trust, Anxious Attachment, Jealousy, and Partner Abuse:
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5380380/
Study: Romantic Attachment and Subtypes/Dimensions of Jealousy:
Love Stories: Embodied Sisterhood with Drs. Lindsay and Lexie Kite
For this special Love Stories episode, Dr. Alexandra welcomes identical twins Dr. Lindsay Kite and Dr. Lexie Kite to Reimagining Love. Lindsay and Lexie received PhDs in the study of women’s body image and have become leading experts in body image resilience and media literacy. Dr. Alexandra dives deep with the Kites to hear about their childhood growing up as identical twins, tracing how the challenges and joys of their sisterhood lead them to the important work they do today and how their relationship has evolved through every stage of life.
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xhttps://dralexandrasolomon.com/subscribe/
More Than a Body: Your Body is an Instrument, Not an Ornament by Drs. Lindsay and Lexie Kite
The Kites’ website:
Relocating for Love: Finding Agency in Accommodation with Vienna Pharaon
How do we know when we are too accommodating in relationships, or not accommodating enough? Dr. Alexandra invites therapist and friend Vienna Pharaon on the show to talk about major life transitions and how they can impact our intimate partnerships. Together, they answer a question from a listener who is struggling to adjust to a new city and lifestyle, after having moved where her partner is doing his med school residency.
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xhttps://dralexandrasolomon.com/subscribe/
Vienna Pharaon’s e-course, “The Origins of You”:
http://www.newyorkcouplescounseling.com/
Vienna Pharaon’s Instagram, @mindfulmft
Dating Again: Healing the Past, Embracing the Future with Elizabeth Earnshaw
A listener question about dating after divorce spurs a fascinating discussion between Dr. Alexandra and guest expert Liz Earnshaw, a marriage and family therapist and author of the new book I Want This To Work. Liz and Dr. Solomon offer encouragement and possibilities to this listener as he considers looking for love in this new chapter.
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Referenced in this episode:
Liz Earnshaw's book: I Want This to Work: An Inclusive Guide to Navigating the Most Difficult Relationship Issues We Face in the Modern Age:
(Re)Gathering for the Holidays
The holidays are upon us. How do we want to do things differently this year? Dr. Alexandra discusses how to make the most of gatherings with loved ones, from having compassionate conversations, taking breaks, and connecting over shared memories.
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Games to spark connection and conversation:
Where Should We Begin? A Game of Stories (Esther Perel)
Referenced in this episode:
Love Stories: Unconditional Love with Moe Ari & Sandra Brown
In this first “Love Stories” episode, Dr. Alexandra sits down in the studio with Moe Ari and his mother, Sandra Brown. Originally assigned female at birth, Moe has used his own gender transition story to help many others discover their authentic voice and navigate the difficult journey of alignment, as a therapist and mindset coach. Moe and Sandra discuss their respective experiences of Moe’s transition, sharing the moments of realization, layers of grief, and unconditional love that allowed them to deepen their relationship through this major transformation.
Subscribe to the newsletter:
Moe’s website:
Moe’s Instagram:
https://www.instagram.com/loveoutproud/?hl=en
Additional resources:
Moe Ari on the Mark Groves Podcast
Getting Your Needs Met: Relationship Boundaries with Shadeen Francis
Therapist Shadeen Francis joins Dr. Alexandra to respond to a listener who is interested in opening up her marriage, but is facing resistance from her partner. They use this question as a springboard to explore the topic of disclosed non-monogamy, unmet needs, mental health and communication in a long-term partnership.
Shadeen’s Website:
Shadeen’s Instagram:
https://www.instagram.com/shadeenfrancis/
Terry Real's book, "I Don't Want to Talk About It":
https://terryreal.com/product/i-dont-want-to-talk-about-it/
Learn more about the topics covered in this episode:
The Flexibility of Female Sexuality with Wednesday Martin (The Psychology Podcast)
Polysecure: Attachment, Trauma, and Consensual Nonmonogamy (Jessica Fern)
Relationship Bill of Rights (Eve Rickert and Franklin Veaux)
Dating & Dealbreakers: Lessons from Reality TV with Nick Viall
Nick Viall starred on the 21st season of ABC’s The Bachelor and hosts the popular podcast The Viall Files, where he discusses all things Bachelor Nation. On this episode, Dr. Alexandra chats with Nick about the national conversations that The Bachelor franchise spurs about relationships, gender, and dating, and how these conversations can be both productive and divisive. Nick shares experiences and tools from his own relationship and helps Dr. Alexandra answer a listener question about defensiveness. (CW: brief mention of sexual harassment & abuse)
Mentioned in this episode:
Dr. Alexandra Solomon: A Clinical Look at the Break-Up of Katie & Greg (The Viall Files)
Breaking Down Marriage 101 with Dr. Alexandra Solomon (The Viall Files)
Difference as a Bridge: Cross-Cultural Love with Dr. Adia Gooden
Dr. Alexandra is joined by guest expert Dr. Adia Gooden for an in-depth discussion about loving across a cultural difference. Together they answer a listener question and then broaden out to discuss racial, ethnic, religious, and political differences in intimate partnerships. Dr. Alexandra and Dr. Adia validate the challenges these couples will likely face while also highlighting the beautiful possibilities for growth, richness, and respect between two individuals with different origin stories. This episode also explores the ways that cross-cultural relationships have the potential to send positive reverberations through families, communities, and beyond.
Mentioned in this episode:
Pew: Intermarriage in the U.S. 50 Years After Loving v. Virginia:
Pew: Interfaith marriage is common in U.S., particularly among the recently wed:
Pew: Shared religious beliefs in marriage important to some, but not all, married Americans
Inviting a Reluctant Partner into Relationship Work
When one partner is ready and committed to doing the deep emotional work of improving a relationship, and the other partner is not quite there yet, it can feel like a difference that is impossible to bridge. In this solo episode, Dr. Alexandra explores “Relational Self-Awareness Discrepancies,” sharing tools and ideas that couples can use to generate empathy and move to a place of understanding and growth when faced with this common issue.