Press Archive | Dr. Alexandra Solomon

Horizontal with Lila Podcast – August 31st, 2019

Loving Bravely: Horizontal With Your Marriage 101 Professor (Part 1 of 2) …

The Atlantic – August 21st, 2019

The Widespread Suspicion of Opposite-Sex Friendships: Can straight men and women really be best friends? Their partners are wondering, too. …

The Atlantic – August 19th, 2019

The Evolution of the Desire to Stay Friends With Your Ex …

3 days ago by dr.alexandra.solomon When both partners trust that love is a classroom, you learn to meet the discomfort of your partner’s discomfort with presence and curiosity instead of judgment and control. When you live as students of each other, you cultivate wholehearted intimacy. “What is this moment teaching me? Toward what unhealed wound am I being pointed?” —— Be clear that relational self-awareness requires practice. Vulnerability is hard. Accountability is scary. When we hold space for our partner, we do so imperfectly. We feel the rise of judgement that we know we must resist, replacing it with curiosity. We feel the urge to
1 week ago by dr.alexandra.solomon Yesterday’s post was challenging, wasn’t it? After I shared it, a former student sent me a message. She said that my post sparked her to have a courageous and tender conversation with her husband. They explored their guilt, their shame, their fear of creating harm in their children whom they love so much. She included this quote from Cheryl Strayed in her message to me, telling me that these words help her tolerate her maternal imperfections. —- When we fall short as parents (with our judgment, impatience, distraction, depression), there’s that awful moment of reckoning... that moment when we have
2 days ago by dr.alexandra.solomon I’ve been a therapist for a long-ass time, and I tell you what... I spend a lot of my time helping people open to love, lean in to love, receive love, trust love. I get it. An open stance is vulnerable as hell. —— If I keep you at arms length, I can live an illusion of safety and control. If I let you in, I am giving you some serious power. * What if you betray me? * What if I disappoint you? * What if you die? * What if we fall apart? ——- But it’s more than
1 week ago by dr.alexandra.solomon What a beautiful way to imagine long term lovin’. An intimate practice, one we refine over time, so that we get better and better at loving the person in front of us. Loving them in the ways that help them feel loved, uplifted, sustained, nurtured, alive, engaged. —— In an intimate partnership, it’s so tempting to crank up Janet (Miss Jackson if you’re nasty) and ask, “What have you done for me lately?” But that is a question asked from a place of scarcity. A question that invites scorekeeping, which never in the history of ever led to long hugs,
2 weeks ago by dr.alexandra.solomon Ooh this one’s a gut punch, so let’s break it down. Parenting is hard beautiful bust-you-wide-open work. It is self-doubt, pressure, relentlessness. It is miracles, blessings, heart-openers. When parents criticize their kids, it tends to be because one of two things is going on: * The parent is worn out, hungry, tired, stressed themselves, and their criticism is a “low road” behavior that reflects that depletion. * The parent feels pressure to ready their kid for the big bad world out there, and their criticism is coming from a place of knowing that behavior isn’t gonna fly. But parents are

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